Unwanted adoption

3 posts
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Gender Female
Points 2302
Reviews 3
once again helpful hints or thoughts?

rain is falling ever so gently
like it doesn't really want to
moving towards a new place
a confused boy in the backseat

playing in the sandbox, happy
a golden-haired mother nearby
a charmed life you could say
or so it seemed to the boy

flashing lights, sirens, scared
mother laid out on a white bed
people carrying her away
no one explains to the boy

new house with other children
the boy is sitting on a bed
other kids ask him to play
but they aren't his mother

people tell him "your mom is gone"
he answers "I know that"
they say "then why don't you go play?"
he whispers "because I'm waiting for her to come back for me."
the truth is out there *




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Gender Female
Points 4867
Reviews 35
awww...its sad. but its good. The only thing needed to change is the basic capitalization and punctuation. I'm not so sure that title fits the poem. Other than that it was very good. : )
Keep it up!!!



-BG-
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened...
Before. ---Dare you to move by, Switchfoot---




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 2302
Reviews 3
I know I had trouble with the title, I was so eager to post it that I didn't take time on it. Suggestions are welcome however! :)
the truth is out there *



You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind