I am Unwritten

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Reviews 35
I am Unwritten.
A few blank pages;
A picture unfinished;
A book missing its happy ending.

I am Undone.
A puzzel missing its peices;
A song without its lyrics;
A dance without the rhythm.

I am Undefined.
A riddel never solved;
A seed blown by the wind;
Three words unspoken.

I am Unseen.
A jewel within a stone;
A water pool beneaththe desert sands;
A gold mine hidden within a mountain.

I am Unexperienced.
A lamb against a lion;
An innocent mind amongst perversion;
A new life entering the world.

I am Unprepared.
A warrior without his sword;
A writer without his imagination;
A carpenter without his tools.

I am human, without God.
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened...
Before. ---Dare you to move by, Switchfoot---




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okay, Hi babygirl12! When I first saw the title, I thought someone re-wrote the real song by Natasha Bedingfield or they just chose the same title and wrote something familular to it. You suprised me! I love what you wrote! It's completly different than her song! Keep Writing! I love how you put a dicfferent Un word in every verse. Brilliant!
Nike :)
"If I look like a monster,' he says roughly, 'then no one will be surprised when I do monstrous things." - A.B. Poranek




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hello my name is James!
sorry but it is hard to not follow such talented people! lol well i totally get the sadness of you'r poem. it is sad , and emotional, with a great theme of being lost so i give you a thumbs up on this. once again i follow you because of you'r talent. YOU GOT GAME GIRL!




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Gender Female
Points 4867
Reviews 35
Thanks! : ]
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened...
Before. ---Dare you to move by, Switchfoot---




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Gender Female
Points 10870
Reviews 318
Since the poem itself is very nice, I am just going to correct the technical things. The things I fixed are in red. :)

babygirl12 wrote:I am Undone.
A puzzle missing its pieces;
A song without its lyrics;
A dance without the rhythm.

I am Undefined.
A riddle never solved;
A seed blown by the wind;
Three words unspoken.

I am Unseen.
A jewel within a stone;
A water pool beneath the desert sands;
A gold mine hidden within a mountain.

I am Inexperienced.
A lamb against a lion;
An innocent mind amongst perversion;
A new life entering the world.


Great job!




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Gender Female
Points 4867
Reviews 35
Thanks Abby!! : ]
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened...
Before. ---Dare you to move by, Switchfoot---




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Gender Male
Points 3249
Reviews 8
Hello Babygirl i don't know your name but never mind I'm Spy0h and I'm going to review this poem .
babygirl12 wrote:
I am Unwritten,
A few blank pages,
A picture unfinished, <<<<<< [color=#0000FF]I think you should re-think of that because you said I am unwritten and a picture is drawing :)

A book missing its happy ending.

I am Undone.
A puzzle missing its pieces, <<<<<< puzzle and pieces
A song without its lyrics,
A dance without the rhythm.<<<<<< I think you should write (without a song) :)

I am Undefined.
A riddle never solved,<<<<<< riddle
A seed blown by the wind,
Three words unspoken.

I am Unseen.
A jewel within a stone;
A water pool beneath the desert sands <<<<
A gold mine hidden within a mountain.

I am Unexperienced.<<<<< I think it should be Inexperienced
A lamb against a lion,
An innocent mind amongst perversion,
A new life entering the world.

I am Unprepared.
A warrior without his sword,
A writer without his imagination,
A carpenter without his tools.

I am human, without God.[/color]

Hope i helped,
Huthaifa
:)




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And i forgot to say that i love it :)
:)




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Gender Female
Points 4867
Reviews 35
Thanks and yaah it is suppose to be Inexperienced...my bad...lol : )
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened...
Before. ---Dare you to move by, Switchfoot---



Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong.
— Neil Gaiman