Dream Walker Chapter One

All I saw was darkness. A forest full of darkness. The black trees whistled and shivered in the intense wind. I kept walking. Lightning burst from the clouds as the thunder whirled around me and the forest. Rain began to sprinkle on me as I picked up my pace and walked faster through the woods. I ran. Faster and faster as the rain poured down on me. I was soaked. The rain drops dripped of my fingertips. Ahead of me the leaves rustled. I gasped. I wasn't alone. My curiosity led me forward. I jogged to the gigantic tree. Peered over to the other side, and stared into the eyes of Belle Cartly, My sister.
I awoke to the sound of my alarm clock screaming into my ear. My hand hovered over the off button and pressed it with my index finger. I sat up and wiped my eyes. I glanced out my window to my left. The rain pounded on the glass, part of April showers. I sighed and got out of bed. i walked on wobbly feet out the door.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay, so I know this is really short but there is more soon to come. Thank you for reading and I'll have more to read up on the site really soon!

Hey Dawn, I don't think we've met! Welcome to YWS. The name's Stella This is short, isn't it? It's not really long enough to do a full review on.

Is this the very beginning of your story, because if so, it's not making much sense- unless, from your title, it's a dream. Even then dreams aren't the best way to start, because it's such a cliché.

Your ending, we don't know who Belle Cartly is, so it's not really shocking. That means all we have in the paragraph is darkness and running, which are both pretty mundane ways of starting a novel.

Of course, I don't really have anything to base this on. Maybe you should post a little more first! Then we can see what we've got.

Hope I helped, if you need anything feel free to give me a shout!

-Stella x

Yes, thank you very much. This isn't all of Chapter One. And yes, Belle is, Ashley, the girl who is telling the story's sister. Thank you much!
-Jessica

Oooooo I love all the description! And the first sentence had me hooked! Keep writing!

Thank You! And yes, I will definatly keep writing!

I think this could be a very good story when you continue it But remember not to leave us hanging with not telling the readers more about the main character and who she really is. I really liked this and would be glad to read more. Post some soon!!

Hey, Teardrop here to review this chapter!

Okay, so yeah this is super short! XD

I suggest trying not to use a lot of fragments like the few below:

jDawn wrote:I kept walking.

jDawn wrote:All I saw was darkness.

jDawn wrote:I ran.

* * *

jDawn wrote:My hand hovered over the off button and pressed it with my index finger.

It should be " and I pressed it with my index finger." or something like that.

jDawn wrote:My sister.

"My" shouldn't be capitilized.

Anyway, this is a good start, but needs editing. Try adding a bit more depth and ellaboration! Keep writing, I really would love to read more!!!

~Tear