I'm Sorry

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Two words were all I had.
But I knew it was not enough.
Three times you told me so,
and I shall never forget.

Many thing I've done wrong,
but I tried to make it up to you.
I write this now so you may know,
how I truly feel.

The mountains you showed me once,
wouldn't hold you high enough.
And I hope that you know,
if you fall I'd always catch you.

I know it's all been said before,
and it sounds so cliche.
But it's true and honestly,
I hoped you would forgive me.

These last words are all I write,
because once I said I would never.
But somehow you just draw me in,
and now I must say good bye.
Last edited by kingolions on Wed Jul 07, 2010 12:02 am, edited 2 times in total.




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kingolions wrote:Two words were all I had. Brilliant opening line (;
But I knew it was not enough.
Three times you told me so,
and I shall never forget.

Many thing I have done wrong,
but I tried to make it up for you.
I write this now so you may know,
how I truly do feel.

The mountains you showed me once,
wouldn't hold you high enough. These are my favorite two lines in the entire poem XD
And I hope that you know,
if you fell I'd always catch you.

I know it's all been said before,
and it sounds so cliche.
But it's true and honestly,
I hoped you would forgive me.

These last words are all I write,
because once I said I would never.
But somehow you just draw me in,
and now I must say good bye.


Okay, so yeah. I loved this! Honestly, you've got skills... I don't have much to say about this, because I can't really find anything negative about it. So I'll leave that for the professionals, but yeah, this was a really cool poem :)
Most people see what is and never what can be. - Albert Einstein




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Hello Kingolions!

I loved this! There were a couple of little nit-picks I noticed in this but overall it was really touching!

Many things I have done wrong,
but I tried to make it up to you. I think you meant to here!
I write this now so you may know,
how I truly (I deleted do, I don't think you need it!) feel


I made a few edits in bold here.

But it's true, and honestly, There is a natural pause where I have put the comma
I hoped you would forgive me.


That's all I can find!
I loved it, it was a really touching subject and you kept me interested. Just watch your rhythm in places, sometimes it jarred a little. Try reading it aloud to identify where those places are.

Other that this though I really enjoyed it! :)

Well Done!
Keep Writing,
~Lydia
Thinking about what you COULD achieve will get you no where. You've got to chase your dreams.
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=188&t=92400 - Need a review?




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Hello there

First off there were some errors in this but it looks like lydia has outlined and corrected them.
I loved it. It was so sincere and emotional and real...you know.
Two words were all I had.
But I knew it was not enough.
Three times you told me so,
and I shall never forget.

I loved this stanza a whole lot.

Your idea may have been a little cliche, but I think you pulled it off.

Good job
The best is what you make it!

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Two words were all I had.
But I knew it was not enough.
Three times you told me so,
and I shall never forget.


this reminds me of the old saying, "fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me."

Many things I have done wrong, i would have put I've
but I tried to make it up to you.
I write this now so you may know,
how I truly feel.


this one is okay to my opinion

The mountains you showed me once,
wouldn't hold you high enough.
And I hope that you know,
if you fell I'd always catch you. it is past but this needs to be presents tense so it should be fall


that is the only thing i see here...

I know it's all been said before,
and it sounds so cliche.
But it's true and honestly, you can take this out...
I hoped you would forgive me.


These last words are all I write,
because once I said I would never.
But somehow you just draw me in,
and now I must say good bye.


aww...this sounds so sad, but i really like it!
Love from the girl who wishes she could fly and be a wolf,

J. L. S.

LOOK HERE!

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Hey kingolions,

You continue to better yourself with each new poem. I loved this poem! It gave off this nice serenity feel to it because you didn't use harsh words with the topic your wrote about. I like the changes you have made to better accommodate the readers (shows you read your comments). It flowed brilliantly with only a few mistakes here and there yet they are only tiny mistakes which people always make. Love the style of writing you choose to write about. My favourite stanzas are:
Two words were all I had.
But I knew it was not enough.
Three times you told me so,
and I shall never forget.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The mountains you showed me once,
wouldn't hold you high enough.
And I hope that you know,
if you fall I'd always catch you.

Simply fantastic!

Keep up the excellent work!

-RepublicOfCoter
"As I lay down on my bed, I look up at the sky, the stars and the moon, and I think to myself: Where the hell is the ceiling?" Unknown

"The fun is in the chase, never in the capture" Agatha Christie



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