Alone

Four years ago they disappeared
Like they never existed
Like I never heard about them
Like nothing happened in fourteen years ago
Nothing none zero not an atom of their goodness
The only thing remained for them was their shadow
The evil shadow I mean
The one that keeps Yelling at me for doing nothing
The one that is Injustice with me
The one that keeps abusing me for nothing
The one that said that "I hate you"
The one that was made to ruin my life
The one that made to make my life Miserable
The one that devoted his/her life to make sure i will never be happy
Yes that’s true no more Tenderness no more Kindness
Yes, no more Love no more Care no more good feelings
.......................................
In those four years
I have been trying to survive
To stay alive
After everything that evil shadow do to me
Staying strong no matter he/she do
And I did
Yes I did survive
I was strong
Until that moment that shocked me
Destroyed me ... smashed me
The moment when that evil shadow said
"Get the hell out of my house"
In that moment i got sure that the shadow got no need to me
Then I left
I left like nothing happened
With tears pouring down
Like a waterfall
I got into the taxi
Told the taxi driver “Just go please go"
i left everything behind me
Everything
Every good or bad Memory
Everything gone
Everything gone
Now am alone now am alone

Written by Huthaifa

I can't tell if i like it.

That's the only thing i can think of putting.

~Retro Disco666

I really like this piece, but I think that there are a few things that you could change. Not big things, but snall things that make the difference between "Like" and "Unlike".

[quote="spy0h"]The one that keeps Yelling at me for doing nothing
Written by Huthaifa [quote]

Right here, you put "yelling" in capitals. I don't know wether or not that was a typo or you meant it, but if it was, just anmke sure that you go over your work twice before you submit, and if you meant it, then I think that making it capital doesn't put much effect into the piece. It stops the flow and it doesn't look roght when you read it in your head.
You also have it here:

[quote="spy0h"]The one that made to make my life Miserable
Written by Huthaifa [quote]

In the following, you put a space before the dots, and I thought that was a little strange. Usually you just put the sapce after the last dot, but maybe that was a nother typo?

[quote="spy0h"]Destroyed me ... smashed me
Written by Huthaifa [quote]

[quote="spy0h"]i left everything behind me
Everything
Every good or bad Memory
Written by Huthaifa [quote]
Maybe some more typos, but if not, then I think that capitalizing the "m" ruins the flow of your writting, especailly at the end.
Otrher than those few things, keep up the work and I love you style of writing.
Have fun with it.

It seems to be lacking something. I think the repetition throws me off. I would suggest more imagery but the emotion is strong so good job on that. I think it could be good but right now, I'm not too crazy about it.

retrodisco666 and AutumnSun thank you guys
And shanan-cat i will try to make it better next time
Thank you all

Hmm... I kinda agree with the others. I can't tell if I like it or not. I can definitely see grammar and punctuation mistakes, the rhyming didn't flow well ( to me ), and I don't quite understand it. However, I think you should definitely keep writing and practicing! It's obvious that you are passionate about what you write; a wonderful thing to have!

Have a wonderful day!

-Kate :]

wonderingkate wrote:Hmm... I kinda agree with the others. I can't tell if I like it or not. I can definitely see grammar and punctuation mistakes, the rhyming didn't flow well ( to me ), and I don't quite understand it. However, I think you should definitely keep writing and practicing! It's obvious that you are passionate about what you write; a wonderful thing to have!

Have a wonderful day!

-Kate :]

Thanks Kate
And am taking Grammar classes now to improve my English because i learn mine from movies so haha

i really liked this poem. despite a few grammatical errors and typos it was pretty good. but the beginning was a bit confusing because it wasnt clearly specified what "disappeared" but i assume its the love and good feelings and care, and all that other fluffy stuff???
"Like nothing happened in fourteen years ago" you should take out the word 'in' because it doesnt make any sense there.
"Nothing, none, zero, not an atom of their goodness"
"The one that is Injustice with me" not quite sure what that sentence is supposed to mean...
"The one that said that "I hate you"" take out the second 'that'
The one that wasmade to make my life Miserable
Yes that’s true. No more Tenderness ,no more Kindness
Yes, no more Love, no more Care, no more good feelings
.......................................
In those four years
I have been trying to survive
To stay alive
After everything that evil shadow did to me
Staying strong no matter he/she does
And I did
Yes, I did survive
In that moment i became sure that the shadow had no need of me
Told the taxi driver “Just go, please, go"
Now im alone. now im alone.

i liked it a lot

bloodyblackrose really thank you ^^

Hey, I do what I can to help.

shanan-cat wrote:Hey, I do what I can to help.

Graet haha

Hey Spyoh,

Four years ago they disappeared

Good strong beginning. Filled with questions. Why did they dissapear? This makes the reader want to keep on reading.

Like they never existed
Like I never heard about them
Like nothing happened in fourteen years ago

'Like' is repeated a lot in this, do try and incorporate other words that mean the same thing.

Nothing none zero not an atom of their goodness

I dont know if I like this line or hate it. I'm a bit undecided.

The only thing remained for them was their shadow

For them? Do you mean 'Of them'.

The evil shadow I mean
The one that keeps Yelling at me for doing nothing
The one that is Injustice with me
The one that keeps abusing me for nothing
The one that said that "I hate you"

Alright. Way too much use of 'The one' in this. It hurts my eyes and makes me one to stop reading.

The one that was made to ruin my life
The one that made to make my life Miserable
The one that devoted his/her life to make sure i will never be happy
Yes that’s true no more Tenderness no more Kindness

Again with the repetition.

Yes, no more Love no more Care no more good feelings

Ditto
.......................................

In those four years
I have been trying to survive
To stay alive

I like this bit.

After everything that evil shadow do didto me

Staying strong no matter he/she dodid

O_o I just noticed the lack of punctuation in the rest of this. I didn't really like this, it was confusing, it looked unplanned and it also read like that. I get the point of the poem but there was a lot of repetition. I think it could have been better.
There was no flow or imagery.

One, it's not really clear about what's going on. Two, the grammar is just terrible.
I'd say just make it clearer, fix the grammar issues, and try not to repeat things as much as you did.
I believe it's got potential, now you just got to work it out. Good Luck!! ^-^