Cerberus - Hell's Guard

This is for Blink's contest Classics. It is based off of the Greek myth of Cerberus. This is the article I used as my inspiration: Wikipedia - Cerberus.

...

Dead;
Is what all souls become.
But what is after life?
Does no one know?

Perhaps the Greeks were correct?
Perhaps spirits are sent
to cross the River Styx?

And once on shore,
they meet the might
of Cerberus.

The mere sight of him
strikes fear in all.
How can it not?

Big.
The size of an elephant
is nothing
in comparison.

Thick fur,
pitch black
like the night sky
during an eclipse,
when the sun is lost,
forever,
it seems.

His claws, talons
like daggers, sharp.
As long as a human hand.
How deep they could cut.

But if the claws
are daggers,
the teeth must be
double-edged
swords.

And not one mouth,
but three,
hold these weapons.

For Cerberus
has one body
and three heads.

Each hosts
a pair of eyes,
twin coals
rimmed
with crimson.

Such a sight would make
a grown man
quake
in fear.

As the deceased enter
the gates of Hell
Cerberus growls
and lets them pass.

But don’t try to exit,
for he will not be
so lenient
again.

For he is the guard;
he lets you enter,
but it is his job
to trap you.

He will make sure
you rot in Hell.

Well, I like this poem. Speaking as a student of Classics, I say it is completely preicise in it's facts and you've written it really well.

Now, speaking as a writer, the imagry used to give the picture of Cerberus is excellent, the description just plucks normal things, like a dog, and turns it into this monsterous thing at the gates of Hell. The word choice is brilliantly done and the whole thing flows really well. The structure sets the whole thing off beutifully, as it is as if you are plumiting down to Cerberus itself,

well done!

Thanks. I've never really done this kind of poetry before--not that I'm that good at any other kind--but I couldn't imagine this piece done as a short story, so I decided to do it. I'm glad you like it.

Heya Violet

I'm here to review as requested. I'm pretty bad at poetry reviews so you'll have to bare with me!

Dead.
All souls become.
But what is after life?
Does no one know?

This line doesn't technically make sense. I understand what you're saying; all souls become dead, but I think that you could have written it out in a better way. What you could have done is this -
Dead;
something all souls become
But what is after life... e.t.c.

Perhaps the Greeks were correct?
Perhaps spirits are sent
to cross the River Styx?

And once on shore,
they meet the might
of Cerberus.

Thick fur,
pitch black,
like the night sky
during an eclipse,
when the sun is lost.
Forever,
it seems.

You don't need the comma that I highlighted in red here.

His claws, talons,
like daggers' sharp.
As Long, as a human hand.
How deep they could cut.

You don't need the comma that I highlighted in red here.

And not one mouth,
but three,
holds these weapons.

Each hosts
a pair of eyes,
twin coals
rimmed
with crimson.

I love the metaphor here!

As the deceased enter
the gates of Hell,
Cerberus growls,
and lets them pass.

You don't need the comma I highlighted in red here.


Overall

This was pretty good, Violet! When it comes to Greek mythology, I know absolutely nothing about it, so I can't really tell you how well you used that theme. Although I don't know much about Greek mythology, I did very much like reading this. The idea itself is interesting and I think that you wrote it well. One of my favourite things about this is actually the structure of it. I really like how you've varied your sentence length and I also very much like how you've varied your line length. You tend to use a lot of short lines, which I think is effective. It's very good, in my opinion, how you varied your lines as the poem neared its end. It's as though the short sentences symbolised Cerberus getting more and more scary and evil. When it comes to your grammar, it wasn't too bad. I've seen better, but I have definitely seen much worse. As a whole, it was pretty good! As for your spelling, it was very good. I didn't find one misspelled word, so well done for that. The flow in this was also very nice, it wasn't awkward to read at all.

My main critique for this, I think is the imagery. I don't really feel as though there's enough imagery in this. When you did use imagery though, I thought that it was very good. There was one metaphor that I especially likes, the one about the coal. I thought that it was very nice and very clever. Considering I did feel like that, I think that you should include some more metaphors, similes, personifications e.t.c in this. When you do include a simile or whatever, it sounds really good within the poem itself. It would be great if you included some more imagery in this. In a poem, imagery is very important. If you ask me, the imagery in a poem and also the flow of the poem is what makes it truly great. The imagery in a poem simply makes it more interesting and a lot more appealing to the reader. If you include some more effective imagery in this, the poem could be even better!

I don't really have much else to say... like usual. I really am no good at reviewing poetry. If you want a more specific, detailed review, you should ask someone like Demeter. Sorry I wasn't that much help!

Keep writing and good luck in the contest!

xoxo Rhian

Thanks for the review Skins. I know, I'm not that good at poetry. I just do one every once in a while when the mood strikes, and it's usually crap. But I'm glad you like this. Anyways, thanks.