Outside, it’s chilly and practically silent except for the soft calling of an owl and the far-off pounding of a lone horse’s hooves against dust.
I don't know how anybody would be able to know what "the far-off pounding of a lone horse's hooves against dust" actually sounds like. I think you should at least remove the last bit - "against dust" cos I don't think it makes sense. Also, I think "lone" should be removed as that is suggested by the lack of plural on the horse anyway. I think this sentence is an example of too many adjectives squashed on one line. Over-describing, so to say.
There's other examples of this - "crumbly sand" where I found the pre-modifier redundant. It's easy to read through and find them. I think it distracts from the overall feel of the plot and slows down the read.
Otherwise, this was good. Glad you picked it up again. Didn't want such a story discarded!
