I never imagined these thoughts would trouble my most internal organs.
Never guessed I'd feel this way.
When my heart bled, then bled again.
When will my heart stop bleeding?
I don't want to feel guilty for a crime I did not commit.
I wander aimlessly through the corridors of my mind,
And pray to stumble across a secret passageway past defeat.
Two dominant hands,
Pulling ferociously at my wrists.
I can't do a thing,
My head starts to spin.
So close,
So far away.
An overdose.
Find another way.
You are,
The guilt in my veins.
You are,
The name of my shame.
Your voice while knowing,
Would sound like thunder.
If you knew,
You'd sound like a hummingbird.
Time without you,
And time well-spent.
It's all about time,
And I feel like I'm wasting mine.
My heart,
Torn in sunder.
Internal violence, oh, help me.
Put me in deep slumber.
Have me feel the cold of my heart,
And the heat at my fingertips.
As I know they exist,
Yet I can't feel myself.
Slit my heart's throat.
Suffocate my lungs' lungs.
Put a numbing shot in my spine, PLEASE.
Just block the circulation to my brain.
Pull the fucking trigger.
Rip me apart with this madness.
Start from the naval,
Upwards and downwards.
Limb from limb,
Like kids pulling at a tree.
I would feel like the betrayer,
Like a butterfly destroying its beauty.
Like stepping stones with one mile in between,
I am lost in my heart's bloody sea.
Please, Mom, God, anybody, please.
I am sitting here,
Spitting up blood from my internal bloodbath,
My mass murder, my massacre.
