“I—I—I’m gay,” Danny stated slowly, and I could see his hands shaking with nerves.
Kill me. Now, just kill me now. “Oh—oh,” I tried to think of something as I stuttered. “That’s… great!”
“That’s it?” he wondered, bewildered obviously.
“I mean, I’m okay with that. You’re my best friend. How else would I respond?” I forced a smile as my heart dropped to my stomach. We were best friends since we were five, and until we both turned fifteen, I noticed how good-looking he was and a great personality too. Today, I invited him to the park so I could confess my feelings for him. He had told me he had something important to tell me, too, but my silly fantasy led me to believe Danny had feelings for me. But, just my luck, he’s gay.
“Thank you so much, Sara! You have no idea how much this means to me,” Danny gushed as he pulled me into a bear hug. “You’re the perfect best friend!”
“Oh, thanks,” I muttered as I bit my lip to stifle a scream. How could I have not noticed he was gay? At the pools, I saw him checking out some guys, but I always thought he was looking at the girls by those guys. Well, this just sucks.
“Wait, did you have something to tell me?”
That I have uncontrollable feelings for you, and it sucks that you like guys. “Nope, nothing.”
“You sure?” he asked with his cute eyebrow raise.
“Yeah, definitely,” I nodded, trying to look as convincing as I could with my phony happiness. “Just wonderful,” I mumbled under my breath as he took my hands.
“Well, thank you for understanding,” Danny smiled as he squeezed my palms gently. “I… was wondering if I could come over… tonight.”
Hell no! How am I supposed to mope around with you there? “Sure, Danny, whatever you need,” I squeaked as he held me to him. We normally went to his house, so I was sure my mom wouldn’t really mind.
“Thank you, Sara,” he sighed as I heard him cry into my chest.
I frowned, and stroked his light brown hair gently. How was I supposed to be supportive with my heart crushed? “Its okay, Danny, I know,” I comforted him, as I tried to hold tears back. “You’ll be okay, I’ll be… here for you,” I attempted to sound sincere, but I practically spat out the words ‘here for you’.
“You’re such a great friend,” he moaned into me as a tear fell from my eye. Quickly, I swiped it away with my wrist in a fast movement.
“Right, right, friend,” I groaned under my breath and sighed. This day couldn’t possibly get any worse. “Want to go to my house, now? I have that Sunkist that I know you love.”
Danny wiped away his tears and smiled weakly. “Sure,” he croaked as he stood up and then helped me up.
We didn’t talk on the way back to my house. I was utterly shocked and hurt, but what could I have said to him? Danny must’ve felt like there was nothing to say also, because it wasn’t until I asked him if he wanted to have anything to drink a word came out of him.
“No.”
Did I do something? Or was it something I didn’t do? “Not even the Sunkist?”
“No, Sara,” he replied harshly. Danny had been so friendlier back at the park. I figured I was to sit by him and take his hands in comfort, but I really didn’t want to. I wanted one of my friends to come over and hug me for comfort, as we ate ice cream in my bed and I’d complain about how strong of feelings I have for him. But, I could tell Danny needed me now, especially that he doesn’t have his parents’ support.
I sighed softly, and sat by him as I wrapped one arm around him. “You can stay here tomorrow night, too, if you want. My mom wouldn’t mind,” I told the top of his head. “In fact, she’d be happy. I haven’t had anyone over for this summer so far, so she’d like it if one of my… friends spent the night.”
No response. He kept his head bowed, but Danny didn’t shrug my arm off, so he must’ve not been mad at me. I smiled feebly at him and said, “I’m going to pour you a glass of soda.”
After I came back with the glass, it sat on the table for minutes until he finally took a sip. I didn’t get it. Why would his parents just disown him? Just like that? I rested my head on my hands until Danny broke out into sobs again. Instinctively, I rubbed his back with my left hand as he tried to calm himself. While he gasped for breath, I exhaled slowly and massaged one of my temples.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized as he gradually lifted his head up. Shaking my head to tell him it was okay, I noticed his eyes had become puffy and bloodshot, decorating his now-pale face. Danny grinned halfheartedly, “I’ll get some ice for this…” He waddled to my freezer and grabbed three cubes. Dropping them in the cup, he plopped down in the wooden chair. “I was ignoring this for a while… but really, Sara, what were you going to tell me?”
“Oh… I… was um, going to invite you over for… a sleepover,” I lied and forced a big, cheesy smile. “But, ha, you were already coming so I decided to tell you to forget about it.” Yeah. That sounds about right. I bit down on my lip and awkwardly looked around to find something to stare at. I focused on a molding orange.
His green leaf-colored eyes looked at me suspiciously, but he shrugged his disbelief away. “I also think I…” Danny cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. “Have a crush on a guy, in our science class. You know... Evan.”
This night was going to be long.
*
It was; hours of comforting Danny, listening to how great this Evan guy was, how much he hated his parents now—which I understood, and wincing at each tear that ran down his cheeks. Although I was pissed at him being gay, how could I not feel sorry for him? He’s my best friend. Finally after hugging him—at least five times in a row, Danny cried himself to sleep while I tried to calm him. It broke my heart even more to see him this upset. But I wanted to have my worries soothed out by a friend too.
Silently, I sneaked into my bathroom and broke down on the floor. I felt like one of those annoying girls on shows who pities themselves because they didn’t get the perfect wedding, or prom. But, I couldn’t help to feel terrible. The guy I grew up with and liked him a lot ended up being gay. I’d love to be fine with it, but it sucks to know I have no chance with him. Sure, I love him as my friend, and he was going to be happier now that he came out. And that should’ve been good enough. I can’t say that it was enough for me.
*
The days that Danny slept over dragged on. He was like a huge black hole that sucked happiness out of everything. It made me feel even crappier. Finally, one day he was invited by Evan to go to the water park. And Danny begged me to come along; he just couldn’t face him alone. Goody.
I look shitty in a swimsuit. I have no figure and only a B in bra-size. But who cares anyway? I’m going with a gay guy and his crush. No one’s going to be checking me out. I fought with my rat’s-nest curly brown hair until it went into a ponytail and threw on an over-sized tee. Grabbing a towel, I slide my huge feet into green sandals and trudged out my bedroom door. Danny was standing in the hall, in only his trunks and slip-on sandals, and I couldn’t help myself from gawking at his muscles. Hell, even if he was straight I’d have no chance.
Following him out the door, I grabbed my house keys, student ID, and purse as I locked the door behind me. The walk included more about Evan and how he had heard rumors of Evan being gay himself. I just tuned out Danny’s voice instead of earning myself more misery. Plus, I didn’t want Danny to see me cry.
As we arrived, I rummaged through my purse and pulled out a ten dollar bill—something I had taken out of my babysitting earnings, which I still would’ve had if Danny didn’t drag me along to see him flirt with someone else. A screech for “Dan!” shook me out of my thoughts as I absently followed Danny in.
Evan smiled at Danny, completely ignoring my presence, and waved to him. Danny mumbled something to him and Evan giggled. I scowled and headed towards the wave pool. Neither of them happened to notice my absence.
Grabbing a doughnut tube, I laid it on the water and lazily plopped on it. Laying my head back, I kicked my foot out to guide the float to the waves. It glided me across and I closed my eyes slowly, absorbing the humidity and scrunching my nose at the smell of chlorine.
I must’ve gone around twenty times until I saw that Danny and Evan ditched me. He didn’t even tell me he was leaving. What the hell? Dan must’ve gotten over his parents dropping him off like a piece of trash once Evan invited him to the pool. I let the hurt overcome me again and I began crying. No one would notice anyways. We were at a pool.
Deciding to go into the water, I hopped off my tube as some little girl took it immediately. Might as well use my money to the fullest, I already paid to swim in this junky place. Waddling to the regular pool, I climbed in and dunked my head underwater. The cold kind of soothed me. I sighed and bit my lip. How could Danny just leave me here? I wanted to hate him, I really did. But he was still my best friend and I loved him.
A couple kids ran into me, and knocked me down on accident. They didn’t apologize. I must’ve been invisible to everyone that day. Frowning, I looked around to a place to relax in the pool. Three feet was where the little kids were, four feet was where the preteens were, and the deep end involved exercise. I chose five feet and tried to cover up my loneliness.
Rubbing the scrape from the fall, I quivered when it touched the water again—it stung from the chlorine. I couldn’t believe Danny just left me all alone. He never acted like this—always being sweet and considerate. But he just kicked me to the curb for this Evan guy that he talked to three times before in biology. He sucked, but I still had stupid, annoying feelings for him.
I decided to just wait for Danny to pop up and apologize for leaving, so I pushed myself up onto the concrete and sat on the edge. Dipping my feet into the pool, I waited hours for him to return and it was closing time. My feet were wrinkled and pruned, but I couldn’t care less.
Lazily getting up, I dried off leisurely and wrapped the rainbow towel around my hair. I grabbed my black tee and yanked it over my head just as the voice announced, “We will be closing in ten minutes, please exit the pools and head out the front gate.” My green sandals were hidden underneath the chair and I picked them up by the thongs. Sliding my feet into them, I scuffed my feet along the dirty, wet sidewalk and opened the gate.
I immediately froze when I heard a familiar voice. “Sara?”
