Provincial Writing Contest Entry

This is really short and I need to add more, but I don't know what. When this happens, I refer to YWS. As it is for a writing contest, tear it apart as much as possible. And I need a title, so ideas are welcome. (Writing contest can be anything)

Here it is:
____________________

When I write, words spill out of nowhere, interesting, mysterious, or tragic. They form a setting, a plot or a character, dancing into place. For me, they are like shimmering colours and each page creates a rainbow. I do not know where a story or piece of work will end up. Maybe in a dark forest itching to reveal its riddles or an arid, moonlit desert and when you read about it, the description just makes your mouth feel dry and chapped, thirsting for water. I am like an avid reader, hankering for the next adventure, the next revealing sentence.
A book for me is a million rainbows painted each different by each word-artist. One’s words may be sponged to the page, or stroked with bright watercolours. A well-made book has a crescendo to the climax and an ending that evenly cascades to the very last punctuation mark on the clean, silky page.
Words anywhere are a soliloquy unto itself, waiting to be found or still hidden. That’s the written word according to me.

I like this, but it might be helpful if I knew what the prompt for the contest was. Since I really can't judge the writing itself without knowing exactly what you're going for, I'll just look at the technical part.

LavenderBlue wrote:When I write, words spill out of nowhere, interesting, mysterious, or tragic.[/ quote]

Looking at this from an extremely critical point of view, I have to ask you, what is interesting, mysterious, or tragic? Are you referring to the words you write, or the nowhere. I know it's kind of obvious that you were referring to your words, but judges may look very deeply into things like that.

LavenderBlue wrote:They form a setting, a plot or a character, dancing into place.

I think I'll launch into a lecture on comma use now. Now, you have literary license, to a certain extent, but you must be consistent in your choice. For example, you could say, "They form a setting, a plot, or a character..." You could also say, "They form a setting, a plot or a character..." In a list, as with the word "and," you have the option of throwing in a comma before the last conjunction. I noticed that you don't use a comma when talking about "a setting, a plot, or a character ..." but you do when saying that "words spill out of nowhere, interesting, mysterious, or tragic." It's up to you, but be consistent.

LavenderBlue wrote: For me, they are like shimmering colours and each page creates a rainbow. I do not know where a story or piece of work will end up. Maybe in a dark forest itching to reveal its riddles or an arid, moonlit desert and when you read about it, the description just makes your mouth feel dry and chapped, thirsting for water.

When writing fiction, you have ever right to use incomplete sentences. However, I would not recommend taking such a liberty when writing an essay for a contest. I would suggest maybe splitting up that last sentence in there to make it seem like less of a run-on?

LavenderBlue wrote: I am like an avid reader, hankering for the next adventure, the next revealing sentence.

You are an avid reader, are you not? If so, you needn't make it a simile. You are an avid reader, hankering for the next adventure, not just like one.

Thank you for tolerating my criticism, and I hope it proves constructive. Good luck in your contest!

Hello there. The first thing I'd like to say is that it would be helpful to include the prompt or, if there was no prompt, what your main goal was in writing this. Right now, I'm not sure whether or not you were trying to write about the experience of writing, of reading books, or the written word in general. Each paragraph talks about a different aspect, and there is very little connection between the ideas, which makes this disjointed and confusing.

I suggest that you pick a single main point and write about it. You seem quite passionate about writing, so that might be the best choice out of the three ideas you currently have. You can go in-depth about how writing makes you feel, why you write, what you write, when you write, and how you write, just for starters, so you shouldn't have any problems with length.

Outlining your ideas is a great way to keep them organized and make sure they all connect together, especially if you're writing an essay. Your outline doesn't have to be complicated, it could even be a simple list, just so long as it makes sense to you and is organized. I find that using an outline when I'm writing essays and articles not only makes them easier to follow, but it also makes them easier and faster to write.

Good luck in the contest.

Lavender!
I think this is what you were talking about in your blog, so, as I said, I'm here to review it! Since Kyllorac just gave you some great advice on the ideas in your piece, I'll just do mainly some more nitpicking to help you improve the appearance of your piece (rather, I'll try ^^) ; I'll also try not to repeat anything Abigail said.

LavenderBlue wrote:When I write, words spill out of nowhere, interesting, mysterious, or tragic.

I would re-write this like this: When I write, words spill out of nowhere, from interesting and mysterious, to tragic. I don't really like your use of the word 'interesting' in here. Just saying that you use 'interesting' words is a bit vague. In what way, as Abigail kind of said, are your words interesting? You need to go deeper. Explain your ideas.

LavenderBlue wrote:For me, they are like shimmering colours and each page creates a rainbow.

Define 'they'. You've got a really interesting idea here, as I said before.

LavenderBlue wrote:I do not know where a story or piece of work will end up. Maybe in a dark forest itching to reveal its riddles or an arid, moonlit desert and when you read about it, the description just makes your mouth feel dry and chapped, thirsting for water.

Start a new paragraph at this part. Also, simplify, simplify, simplify. I would re-write the last sentence like this: Maybe in a dark forest itching to reveal its riddles or an arid, moonlit desert. And when you read about this desert, your mouth feels dry and chapped, thirsting for water. Or something like that, since your last sentence is too much like a run-on. I know my example isn't too good.

LavenderBlue wrote:A book for me is a million rainbows painted each differently by each word-artist. One’s words may be sponged to the page, or put on in strokes stroked with bright watercolours. A well-made book has a crescendo to the climax and an ending that evenly cascades to the very last punctuation mark on the clean, silky page.

I don't quite understand this part in bold. A well-made book has to have clean, silky pages?


Hope I helped! This had a nice flow to it, and you did a fairly good job with word choice. If you expand, perhaps take the time to explain your ideas (ex: the rainbow one) a little more. For a title, maybe have something to do with words relating to rainbows, since you seem to like the idea a lot yourself. Good luck.

~KD

Thanks everyone This was a snippet, haven't worked on the piece since so as to refresh my mind I'll take into account all your reviews/edits and show the finished piece once I'm done

Lavvi