Depressing Rain!!!

Rain is depressing
Rain is calming
Rain is salvation
Rain is death

Rain is depression, when you stand in it for to long then you just stay depressed

Rain is calming, when you just want to sit and listen to calm water sounds

Rain is salvation, when you are thirsty you drink to live

Rain is death, when you are drowning the worst way to die

Rain is a wet, unexplainable substance that is just……..

Depressing

Hey. I'll put it this way. There are problems with this poem. Firstly, in the first section, you are just saying point about what you think. And the line 'rain is salvation' is a contradiction with the other lines. (even though you explain it afterward, it still is.)

Secondly, with the single lines, you just restate what you have already said, but expand on that. You should have done this straight up. Like this, it doesn't seem like a poem. More like you saying what you think about rain, instead of making us feel what you believe.

The thing I do like though, is the idea of what you are trying to say. I like how you are trying to say how we both survive with water, and die because of water. But you do need to work on this. But good try. You learn by practice. (unless you practice it wrong.)

Bonjuor. Cap.R.

Im sorry to say but this poem has too many flaurs.
Firstly you make a major contradiction by saying that 'Rain is salvation' which says the complete opposite of what the whole poem is trying to say to the reader that rain is depressing. Which brings me to the second point, that saying Rain is depressing then again saying at the end is nastily continous and gives a sense of the writer being dis-creative.

Hello Captain

The most prominent things that I think are off-putting about your poem before I've even read it is the random structure and the clear use of repetition. The random structure, in some situations could be beneficial to effect, but here it merely comes across as messy, with whacky line lengths spurring off of "Rain is..."
The repetition, as you may expect, is a poetry device used to ensure explicit impact of meaning on the reader. Your meaning, I'm guessing, is that Rain is Depressing. All you've successfully done in your poem is vomitted up different feelings of being in the rain, but you're not making your feelings my feelings, and thus I doubt there's really any impact.
The main reason I think this is, is due to the question of "Why?" I want to know the vivid imagery of sitting in the rain, I want it to feel dreamy so I empaphise the emotive language you're putting across. I want to hear the sounds. You're just telling me statements. Statements aren't successful poems, statements are successful answers to What questions. I don't need to know "what", I want to know "Why" and "How".
The word "unexplainable" shows that you have the potential to use a wide range of vocabulary, so my question is: Why aren't you using it to bring effect? Also, an ellipses: "..." should only be three periods/full-stops long, as it shows a technical innacuracy to go overboard. It'll be more favourable if you scratched the ellipses all together and just replaced it with a hash "-", as this also shows a 'thought provoking' effect to the reader. A one word ending line is usually effective, but here because it feels so repeated, it's just bland.

Hope this helped,
Keep writing,
Ben

Hey Cap!

I'm sorry but I'm lost for words. I really don't know what to say? You've made some really good poems in the past and then you write this? Let me begin with some 'constructive criticism'.

Like everyone else has said, you totally contradict the entirety of the poem AND its title with one single line: Rain is salvation. Your main goal here is to show how rain is depressing because that IS the title. The repetition at the beginning really got on my nerves.

Now, to the other stanzas. All they are is an extended version of the first lines. If you are going to include that, get rid of the first stanza (not needed in any way). As usual (unfortunately), there are the simple grammatical errors which are simple to fix and yet again, this is a poem that can easily be structured into stanzas.

Overall, I felt that this wasn't a poem but an opinion page and that if you want to change it into a poem, it needs serious work. I know I must sound harsh but today is REVIEW SUNDAY! and that it really let me down (because you do write some good pieces).

MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter

Guh, where to begin?

Rain is depression, when you stand in it for to long then you just stay depressed

Rain is depressing? Okay. Why is it depressing? How does it feel when it rolls off your skin? What does it smell like?

I want to feel what you're feeling, see what you're seeing, hear what you're hearing. You want to call out to my five senses and use them for me to see what you're trying to get across.

Is the rain like a grizzly curtain blocking out the light? You choose. Once you've established that, you can use words to communicate how your feeling through the images. For example, there's a difference in emotion between a sun shower and a thunder storm yes? Use variations of this to communicate what you're feeling.

Remember no one is in your head, no one knows the words you can/will say, no one can feel rain for you yes?
You have to make the reader feel what you're feeling through words and thats one of the harder things.

And this understanding comes through metaphors. Metaphors are simple comparisons, were you can take what you're feeling and make it something else so your reader can grasp it. Once you've made links your reader can connect the dots and start to feel what you're feeling.

Best of luck,

Kamas

CaptainRandom,
I'm going to be upfront and honest with you. This is not a poem! Your just talking about different aspects of rain and a description of these aspects if lacking. Number one:

CaptianRandom wrote:Rain is depression, when you stand in it for to long then you just stay depressed

Why is rain depression? I don't quite understand. For many people rain can be life-giving and its your depiction is unrealistic. Why would anyone just stand in rain? If you do find it despressing explain why, don't just say "its depressing", explain why you feel this way. Explain the feeling of rain, use your five senses to describe it and describe why you don't take much appeal to it. I also think saying rain is depression is wrong, it gives life to plants and us. Remember, without it, where would we be?

CaptianRandom wrote:Rain is death, when you are drowning the worst way to die

Rain is a wet, unexplainable substance that is just……..

Depressing

These too lines are just plain weird. How is it death? You can't drown in rain, you can drown in the ocean or in a river, but in rain? I don't think so. How many cases in the news do you hear of people drowing in rain? Seriously!? Again, this is unrealistic. Also, how is rain an unexplainable substance? Its water! Water is made of H2O - 2 hydrogen atoms and 1 oxygen atom. There! I explained it! Its not unexplainable at all! You also say rain is wet. You would think so...describe the feeling on your skin. I also agree with kingolions that when you say "rain is salvation" it totally backfires on what you've said it was - depression and death! Again, you can't drown in rain.

Keep writing, there is somethng more to this poem and you've got heaps to improve on! Best wishes!

P.S. You've spelled "Captain" wrong

CaptianRandom wrote:Rain is depressing
Rain is calming
Rain is salvation
Rain is death

Rain is depression, when you stand in it for to long then you just stay depressed

Rain is calming, when you just want to sit and listen to calm water sounds

Rain is salvation, when you are thirsty you drink to live

Rain is death, when you are drowning the worst way to die

Rain is a wet, unexplainable substance that is just……..

Depressing

Ahh--I think it's too blunt. Maybe you could have thrown in more imagery than by just plainly "saying". In poetry, just like in any other creative writing, must be showing, not telling.

Wow, I honestly don't know where to start. You are pretty much just contradicting yourself in the first line you write. If the title is Rain is Depressing, guess what you shouldn't write? Yeah, "Rain is salvation"! Other than that, I liked the first four lines, but the ones after that, I found repetitive and that they took away from the poem. Maybe you should elaborate more on why rain is depressing instead of getting straight to the point. Readers like some mystery. Well, hope that helped! Keep on writing,

~Lindsay