Never Left

My heart is stone,
my blood runs cold.
I miss you, I need you.

My mind is blank,
I cannot think.
I miss you, I need you.

My life is over,
and so is yours, or so I believed.
I miss you, I need you.

You left me here on this dirt road,
you left me here to die alone.
I miss you, I need you.

Let me hold your hand as I go,
As I leave you all alone, like you left me.
I miss you, I need you.

I can try to fight it,
but I know it cannot be.
I miss you, I need you.

Do you not see ?
The love that we have is uncontrollably amiss.
I miss you, I need you.

Can my spirit go in peace even though you wont leave me be ?
I miss you, I need you.

I can never leave, can I?
This is something that I know.
My love for you bounds me here, dear.
I miss you, I need you, I love you.

Now it may seem, as I take my leave, that I'm gone forever but I never left.

hi! i liked it, i just had one problem...
i can't say i particularly liked the repitition of "i miss you, i need you" and then you completely broke the pattern at the end. if you're going to have a pattern like that, stick to it. in my opinion this peice would be a lot better without all the "i miss you, i need you". i know that you're trying to emphasize your point, but there's only two lines between each time you say it, which is just annoying. don't get me wrong, i liked everything else, but this peice could be dramatically improved by just mashing some of the stanzas together so maybe it's four or five lines between each "i miss you, i need you"
other than that, i found a few typos, but you can catch them yourself
overall, good work
-fighta

Hey. I thought this was a good poem. But I don't particularly like the repetition of the last line either. I thought it was good at the start, but then it got annoying. But I did like how you changed it for the last line. I think it says that there is more tho just what you were saying. But I still think that the other end lines need to be changed a little from each other. (and this is only because each stanza is very short, and it feels like half the poem is made up of that one line) But that was just my opinion.

Hi,

The whole "I miss you" is not working. Same with the general cliche that is this poem. It reeks teenge angst/ heart broken "Ohmygoshican'tlivewithoutyou" kind of thing. My question is, what is the need for the repetition? It doesn't change meanings along the way. (That would be interesting) it's just the exact same thing getting shoved in our face over and over. What does this phrase bring to your poem? What does repeating the exact same thing 9 times do for us? Honestly, it doesn't emphasize anything, it gradually gets more and more annoying. Okay we get the point.
Repeating something once is okay for emphasis, more then that the phrase loses anything interesting or of value.

Next, you lack any imagery. You're describing a sequence of events. What did it look like, feel like. Take your reader with you to that scene. You can't leave it solely to their imagination or else they'll walk away with nothing because you haven't confined their thinking to what you want to get across, and they'll go blindly off course on their own. Your reader is like a car, you need them to get you there, but if you aren't driving, you're going to go veering into nothingness.

Also, cliches. They'll do nothing for you. Ditch 'em and forget 'em.

Kamas

Hey kitrosemon13!

I liked this poem to a certain point. The wording was well with great descriptive words. Now to the nip picks: I don't like the length of each stanza being only three lines each. I feel that maybe four or five would be sufficient. I felt that length of each stanza was inconsistent-some were too short while some were way too long. Another thing that got on my nerves were the single lines; you don't generally have one-liners in a poem unless it is an ending sentence.

Other than those nip picks, it was likable.

MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter

the whole 'i miss you, i need you' thing was a little annoying. but i still think you should repeat it, maybe just not as much. and i loved this poem. i could feel the passion in it. teenagers go through so many emotions, you need a way to let them out, and my opinion is that poetry is the perfect opportunity. it was a little confusing, but i LOVE confusing poems like this kind. it wasnt confusing to the point that the reader has no idea what is going on, it was just confusing as to what happened and what is going to happen. but thts ok. it gives the reader room to think, and analyze and all that good stuff. all in all, i thought it was a very good, emotional piece.