The Three Little Pirates

Once upon a time there was three little pirates who lived with their mother on a majestic pirate ship. Together they sailed the seven seas until one day, the pirate mother left her three sons at a port and told them to find their own fortunes.

The first little pirate wandered about until he saw an abandoned pile of straw. He decided the straw would make a wondeful pirate ship. He wasn't a very bright little pirate.

The first little pirate was living on his pirate Ship o' Straw when along came the Big Bad Shark. The Shark licked his lips when he saw the Ship o' Straw. He swum silently straight under the ship and knocked on the bottom, calling, "Little pirate, little pirate, let me aboard!"

"Nay, nay, nay! Not by the hairs on me chinny-chin-chin!" cried the first little pirate.

"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your ship in!" laughed the Shark. He gave only one huff and all the straw blew away. The little pirate squealed like a little wench and swam as quickly as he could to shore, with the Shark snapping at his heels.

The second little pirate was walking to a grog-house with his parrot when he stumbled upon a pile of sticks. He was a bit cleverer than his little brother and made a much studier Ship o' Sticks. He was about to sail out of the port when he saw his little brother swimming very quickly towards the shore. The second little pirate threw down a life-saver and pulled the first litle pirate aboard the Ship o' Sticks. Very soon, the Big Bad Shark was circling the second little pirate's ship.

He knocked on the bottom of the ship, calling, "Little pirates, little pirates, let me aboard!"

They cried together, "Nay,nay,nay! Not by the hairs on me chinny-chin-chin!"

"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your ship in!" said the Shark. He wasn't laughing now, he was hungry. He huffed and puffed but the ship stayed put.

The second little pirate's parrot screeched, "Yar, ye be in for a skewerin', ye salty sea bass!"

The Shark gave a great big huff and the Ship o' Sticks blew apart. The two little pirates squealed and swam away.

The third little pirate was the cleverest of the three. He scoured the port until he discovered a man selling Floaty Metal. The third little pirate bought some metal, because he didn't want to steal like his younger brothers. The third little pirate created a magnificant Ship o' Metal and was about to hoist his sails when he saw his two younger brothers swimming for shore as if their lives depended on it. He threw two life-savers to them and pulled them aboard.

The Big Bad Shark was swimming after the two little pirates so quickly that he swam straight into the Ship o' Metal. The ship didn't budge but the Shark had an awful headache. He was very hungry by now and his mouth watered when he saw three little pirates aboard the ship.

He called, "Little pirates, little pirates, let me aboard!"

"Nay, nay, nay! Not by the hairs on me chinny-chin-chins!"

"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your ship in!"

The Shark huffed and puffed and huffed and puffed and huffed and puffed and huffed and puffed. Alas, the ship stayed steady. The second little pirate's parrot shrieked at the shark, "Yar, ye be nought but a scurvy guppy!"

The Shark was very angry. He yelled, "I'll board your ship whether you let me or not!" He swam away to get a trampoline so he could jump on the Ship o' Metal's deck. The first two little pirates squealed like little girls but the third pirate had a plan. He got a net and hung it over his deck. When the Shark returned, he jumped straight into the net. The little pirates had fish and chips for dinner. Then they finally set sail off into the seven seas to find treasure.

Hey, welcome to YWS! Have you posted on the Welcome Board yet? It's a great way to meet new people. It is under the "Community" tab.

What a clever twist on an age old tale. I'm a big fan of fairy tales so this appealed to me a lot. I like the pirate twist on it. For some reason I think of the Pirate Piggies from Dora the Explorer..(My younger sister watches it.)

I think maybe you could have stood to mix it up a little. If you went as far as to make the protagonist a shark, maybe you could have given him a special power too? Like making him bite the ship's hulls? He would break his teeth on the iron ship, so that would be kind of funny. Always keep an eye out to make fairy tales more interesting and special. You've already given it a nice twist though.

Your grammar is solid, although some of the pirate talk could be toned down a bit for the sake of flowing. When you type, "Yarrr", it looks a little less professional than "Yar". If you want it to look cleaner you could fix that.

These are all nitpicks of mine, because really this piece is solid. Keep up the good work.

-Esther

Super, thank you! This was originally a bed-time story for my little brother and he liked the absurdity of a ship made of straw and a shark that blows instead of doing something sharky.

Heya

You only have one review so I thought I'd drop by and give you another one. You haven't got any nit-picks so far so I'll start off with them. 'Cause I is cool.

Once upon a time there were three little pirates who lived with their mother on a majestic pirate ship.

I liked this beginning. It gave the atmosphere of a fairy tale, for obvious reasons.

The first little pirate wandered about until he saw an abandoned pile of straw. He decided the straw would make a wondeful pirate ship. He wasn't a very bright little pirate.

Obviously not! I like what you're doing so far, by the way. It's clever how you've written your own version of the Three Little Pigs. Very nice.

"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your ship in!" laughed the Shark. He gave only one huff and all the straw blew away.

My only negative comment about the story itself so far is this part. I think that it's beginning to seem a bit too similar to The Three Little Pigs. I don't think that you should copy the I'll huff and I'll puff... e.t.c. I think that you should make your own one up. Maybe make the shark ram into the ship? Or maybe make him eat the ship even? It doesn't matter really, I'd just like to see something a bit different to I'll huff and I'll puff e.t.c.

He was about to sail out of the port when he saw his little brother swimming very quickly towards him.

Because you've already used the word shore, I think that this would sound better as simply ... very quickly towards him. It's more of a suggestion though, really. You don't have to change it.

The second little pirate's parrot screeched, "Yar, ye be in for a skewerin', ye salty sea bass!"

I love the way your pirates speak!

The Shark gave a great big huff and the Ship o' Sticks blew apart. The two little pirates squealed and swam away.

The third little pirate bought some metal, because he didn't want to steal like his younger brothers.

Steal what from his brothers? Their materials? If so, when did he meet them and see that they had sticks and straw? You need to explain that. Also, you don't need the comma here.

The Shark was very angry. He yelled, "I'll board your ship whether you let me or not!" He swam away to get a trampoline so he could jump on the Ship o' Metal's deck.

Whoa! A trampoline...? Where did that come from? How did the shark manage to find a trampoline and use it in the water? That seems kind of weird to me...

The little pirates had fish and chips for dinner. Then they finally set sail off into the seven seas to find treasure.

Haha, I like that.


Overall

This was pretty good! I like how you put your own twist to the fairytale, The Three Little Pigs. It was definitely entertaining for me to read and I liked the idea of the baddie being a shark and the 'pigs' being pirates. It works really well, in my opinion. I liked the idea of the story as a whole, even though it was extremely similar to the original, just with different characters. I'll talk about that in more detail a bit later on though. When it comes to your grammar, I was really impressed! I only managed to find one or two grammatical errors. Well done for that. The same goes for your spelling. As far as I'm aware, there weren't any spelling errors in this. As for your characters, I definitely found them quite interesting. Once again though, they were very similar to the original characters.

My main critique is the fact that I found this very similar to the original version. Like I just said, even your characters seemed similar to the Three Little Pigs. For example, the first pirate was rather dumb, the second one was a bit smarter and the third one was smart. That's exactly how The Three Little Pigs are. This didn't bother me all that much though, to be honest. The similarity that bothered me the most, I think was the shark's character. I was really happy with he fact that you made him a shark, that was good. What I'm not too keen on is the fact that he did exactly the same thing as the wolf does in The Three Little Pigs. To begin with, he huffs and he puffs? It's a shark, you should make it a bit more interesting and different to the wolf. I suggested that you could make him bite the ship or something. I think that Esther suggested that as well. I also found that the way the shark speaks is very similar to the way the wolf speaks in The Three Little Pigs. You could make him a lot more interesting, if you ask me. The other thing that I think you could add a twist onto are the materials that are used to build the ships. In The Three Little Pigs, they use straw, sticks and bricks. You have changed the bricks to metal, which I very much like, but I think that it would be effective if you also changed the other materials. What materials you'd use, I'm not to sure. Be creative about it. This didn't bother me as much as the shark huffing and puffing and all of that, but it did occur to me that this could be an area where you could add a bit of a unique twist to the story.

I don't really have much else to say about this. I can't really comment on the idea of the story itself, because it's based on a story that already exists. I don't really want to question the Three Little Pigs now, do I? I do very much like how you tried to give your own unique twist to the story though. All that you need to do is to maybe make it even more unique. If you do that, this will definitely be a really great story. As for your grammar, like I said earlier, it was really good and I only managed to find a few mistakes. Your spelling was also flawless as far as I could tell. If you want this story to be better than it already is, you just need to take into account what Esther and I have said. Then you should consider editing this a bit. If you do that, this could be great!

Keep writing,

xoxo Rhian