light up

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i wanted to delete this but couldn't figure out how lalalalalala
Last edited by KAH on Sat Nov 26, 2011 7:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Dreams don't always have to exist while the sun's down and your eyes are shut.




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Hi,

This was nice and uplifting. I think the repetition of "up" helped build the whole motivational tone up.

I'd say "There are" at the beginning as it sounds more natural than "The".

I'd change "keep your face up" to "keep your chin up".

Hope this helps,

Jas
"Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise."
-Maya Angelou




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Points 5033
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I liked the rythmn. I liked the poem. Even though it was very short it was good writting---to me. :D When I got half way through it I was thinking, "This would sound good if Eminem was singing it," because, honestly, I don't know why, but I was reminded of the beat in Mockingbird by Eminem. :D Good song. I'm not even a fan of too much rap---I like some good old Aesop Rock, maybe a wee-bit of Asher Roth---but Eminem's gooood. Anyway, I blab a lot about pointless things. Oh well. Life Goes On. I'm sure this had no review had no knowledgable use to you. :D
"I know I can't slow down, I can't hold back
Though you know I wish I could
Oh no, there aint no rest for the wicked
Until we close our eyes for good." ---Cage the Elephant 'Ain't No Rest for the Wicked'



A beautiful funeral doesn't guarantee Heaven.
— Haitian Proverb