Pepper... unedited, just a whim.

“And so we move on to chapter 19. Hold onto your hats kids, this one’s about Jeffy.”
Elliot moved to adjust the iPod in the speakers.
“I actually did really well on this quiz, so I’m kind of like an expert. Somewhere in the 75 range, I think. Impressive, huh?”
“I love you.” Alex stared dreamily at the iPod.
“So if I’ve assumed correctly, you’re listening to this less than an hour after I’ve posted it because you’re in love with my heart-stopping voice.”
The boys looked at each other sheepishly.
“That’s okay, no need to feel bad. I feel the same way about myself sometimes. It’s hard not to. That’s why I don’t do vlogs. You wouldn’t get any work done if you were staring at my face all the time. Well, you might get some work done in the basement, if you catch my drift.”
Jude choked on his coke.
“So enough about me. Let’s talk about you poor little darlings out there. It’s Sunday night, isn’t it? And you’re crowded around an iPod speaker listening to my pathetic little podcast and hoping that there’s a snow day tomorrow. I’d give you all hugs if I could, especially because I know that there are girls out there dreading Monday because they have to look Karen Clutchinson in the eye after having been accused of sleeping with her boyfriend.”
Ben reached out and paused the iPod. “Dude. Karen goes to our school.”
“Angie was saying something about--” Elliot was interrupted by the phone ringing.
“Hello?” Jude lunged for it. “Yes! We were just going to call you. Who the fuck is it?”
The boys all watched him expectantly.
“She says she’s not sure,” said Jude, hanging up the phone. “She says everyone heard a rumor, but no one knows who the girl is.”
“Which means that Pepper has to be the girl that was ‘accused of sleeping with Karen’s boyfriend’!” Alex grinned triumphantly.
“Not necessarily,” said Elliot. “Pepper could be this girl’s best friend, or someone who just happened to see what happened… Pep probably isn’t the type of person to blab, so if she was one of the only people to know firsthand, it most likely wouldn’t have traveled around the school like it would have if, say, Angie knew.”
“I bet she’s hot,” Alex said, ignoring Elliot.
“Boys?” Jude’s mother rapped on their door. “Are you doing homework in there?”
“Yeah,” said Jude, reaching over Alex’s outstretched legs to turn the iPod back on. Pepper’s heavenly voice returned to the room.
“Oops, I’ve said too much. Don’t try too hard to figure out who I’m talking about, because you won’t. Knowing what school I go to should be enough for your curious little heads.
“I’ve been told that I’m really self-centered. But it’s hard not to be when you’re a 17 year old girl with 17 year old girl self-esteem and basically your alter-ego is a small-town celebrity. My name isn’t really Pepper, in case you were wondering. And no, I won’t give you a hint. And we should really get back to history. Thomas Jefferson was pretty much a beast. I’ve been in love with him for about a year now.”
As she read the chapter to them, each boy was comforted in ways that he couldn’t describe to anyone else. And it wasn’t just about knowing that he was going to do well on the test, or knowing that he wouldn’t have to cram Thursday night, it was about knowing that someone out there was helping him out, keeping him from drowning. Pepper certainly wasn’t just a tutor, she was way more than that. To her audience, she was the Jesus of high school. She knew how to fix every problem, and if she didn’t fix it directly, her voice in your ears was enough to give you the confidence to move houses. And that’s why every girl wanted to be her, and every boy wanted to be with her. She knew it, too.
---
“Clara Jones, would you do me the courtesy of putting your phone back into your pocket?”
Clara looked up, smiled sweetly at Ms. Brentson, and slid her cell back into her pocket. On her left, Aubrey looked over and smirked, then ripped off part of the notebook page in front of her. Moments later, a folded up piece of paper had landed on Clara’s desk.
‘christian?’ it read.
Clara smiled and wrote, ‘good guess. he wants to see me after school.’ She passed it back to Aubrey, who grinned when she read it.
“Girls,” said Ms. Brentson sternly. “Unless that’s homework, put it away. Next time I have to speak to you, it will be to send you to the office.”
“Sorry,” said Aubrey, shoving the note into her back pocket.
When the class ended and students were gathering up their books, Aubrey clutched Clara’s arm. “Are you going to meet him?”
Clara started putting her books into her bag, and shrugged. “I don’t know… I’ve got a lot going on. And I’m not sure if I like Christian very much.”
Aubrey rolled her eyes. “Every girl in this school likes Christian very much. You’re an idiot if you don’t at least go and see what he wants. Maybe he doesn’t even want to ask you out.”
Clara smiled. “Yeah, you’re right. He probably just wants to rape me.”
They headed out of the classroom and pushed their way into the crowded hallway.
“Clay,” said Aubrey. “I’m serious. You can’t just blow him off… You’re always doing this. I know you’d like to think so, but the whole world does not depend on--”
“Shut up,” Clara hissed, elbowing Aubrey hard in the ribs.
Aubrey smirked.
“I get over 100,000 downloads every week,” said Clara. “There are a lot of people out there that are depending on me.”
“Yes Clara, but does that mean you aren’t allowed to date?”
Clara didn’t say anything. Someone banged into her.
“Oh, sorry. Clara! Hey, do you have the math homework?”
“Hi Alex. Yeah, I’ll give it to you in study hall?”
“Awesome. Thanks babe.”
“He’s so adorable,” said Aubrey, looking over her shoulder at Alex heading down the hallway.
“Eh,” said Clara. “Not really my type.”
---
“But who else could it be?”
“Pepper is not Clara Jones,” Karen shoved her jacket into her locker. “She just said what she said to annoy me.”
Maria leaned against the locker next to Karen’s. “But… why? How would she even know?”
“Look,” Karen slammed her locker shut and looked at Maria. “Aubrey Goldsmith hooked up with Jake. I know that. Clara knows that, but why the hell would she announce it to an audience of thousands? I know Clara. I don’t especially like her, but I know she’s not an idiot. Pepper is obviously the type of person who knows what goes on behind the scenes. It doesn’t surprise me that she knows about Jake and Aubrey, even if she doesn’t even go to school here.”
Maria sighed. “But then who is it?”
Karen shrugged and began walking down the hallway. Maria hurried to catch up with her. “I don’t know, and I don’t really care. I listen to Pepper for help passing APUSH. She’s funny, but I’m not one of those drooling idiots who hang on her every word like it’s a message straight from God. So… I don’t really mind not knowing who she is. It makes things a bit more interesting, don’t you think?”
“I guess,” said Maria. “It’s just that… I can’t think of anyone else in this school who might be her.”
Karen rolled her eyes. “Clara is the only possible candidate? Come on, Maria. If Pep hadn’t dropped that hint last night about Aubrey, you would never consider Clara.”
Maria considered this. “I guess so…”
“So just put it out of your head,” Karen said. “And hurry up. We’ve already missed 1st and 2nd periods.”



Confused yet?

I like the beginning, it's a very creative idea and also it draws the reader in.
Maybe set the scene a little bit, like all the boys crowded around the ipod.

The phone call was kind of confusing... Who called and what did they say?

It was originally unclear who Pepper is.

If Pepper is podcasting about schoolwork then is she helping the boys with homework? And if she has the same homework wouldn't they know which school she goes to?

I definetly love the end of that section, it's a good introduction to the actual story.

The part about rape, it is understandable that you are joking but I think it may be a heavy topic to bring into your story so casually, so you might want to change that.

I really like your idea and I would love to read more about what happens! I especially love the different point of views, good work!

Hello!

This didn't really hold my interest, really. The amount of dialogue right at the beginning, and the amount of random lines said by random people with no tags at all to have us understand this, makes this story confusion central. I'd take a look at this article about something called "talking heads." Talking heads is what you have here, basically. It's all dialogue, no description, and the reader gets very confused.

You also change topics pretty quickly. First you start off with an exam topic, then you go with who's sleeping with who. As soon as you pull that out of nowhere, with such a fast pace, I backed away from this story because I was completely lost. I had been lost since "I love you" and everything was just making it worse. I'd suggest you take a look at this article about pacing, to get tips on how to slow this whole situation down. Eliminating the talking heads should also help this tremendously.

Hope this helps. PM me if you have any questions or comments.

~Rosey

Hey there, I'm here to review!

Okay, seeing as there's nothing I noticed grammatically to correct, I'm just going to focus on the story.

I'm confused by the introduction of so many characters. Usually I can barely hang onto two at a time, so to have a whole slew of them at once is overload for me. But, from what I can gather, you've got an interesting storyline here and I like the idea of having a "mystery girl" who's helping people through her podcasts. However, wouldn't people recognize her voice, especially if they go to the same school and are in the same class as her? If Clara's using a different tone to mask it, I'd like to see that mentioned.

Your beginning was really rough for me. It wasn't until you mentioned a podcast that I finally started to understand what was going on here. I don't like the way you've just plunked us into a situation and expect us, as simple readers, to understand what's happening between the different characters.

Another thing--so far, there's no one I really care about in this story. Clara is the most interesting as she's apparently the mysterious Pepper. But there's nothing that's really drawing me to anyone else; I've only gotten a skimming of the characters, which gives it a very blank, withdrawn, two-dimensional view of them. There needs to be someone that we, as readers, can invest our interest in. Someone whom we're rooting for or wanting to know more about, and so far you've only minimally scratched the surface of that with Clara. The rest are merely a parade of blank faces that don't have any meaning to us yet.

That being said, I think if you were to flesh out the characters more and lessen the confusion, especially at the beginning, this could be a really good story!

Please PM me if you've got any questions, and keep up the good work!