Love is cancer

Love is horrible,powerful and unstoppable.

It rips at your insides, it makes you bleed without touching you.

Makes you cry without you wanting to,

It makes you love without you wanting to.



You forget everything.



So after love is gone

when you see your face in the mirror

it is no longer one you recongnise.

It has changed because that is what love has told it to do,



you hate it.

You hate love,

then you hate that you hate love

because love gives you hope

and then you have nothing

It pulls you from friends and family.



Love is the new cancer,

and it hurts so bad.

Hello I'm LastPaladin and I shall be your reviewer what we have here essentially is a cliched mess that follows the same tired generic formula and never tries to stand out. It says a lot of platitudes, but never truly explores them. Instead you try to tell a story. This comes across as boring as we heard it all before. Love is mystery, love is amazing, love is diease. It's practically word for word from a Hallmarks Greeting Card.

It comes across as a series of statements in no poetical form but begging to be seen as such. You could have gone many ways. You want to make us experience the emotion within, but you only explore one piece of imagery. And even that come across as forced.

The worse thing is, there no saving grace to this. It's all been there done that bought the t-shirt. It doesn't come across as emotional or full of vivid imagery, it instead comes across more as contrived mess.

My advice here is to read more poetry here and from famous writers you'll begin to see what works and truly how to capture the readers emotions.

Hope this helps.

It kinda has, thanks.

And i do read poetry alot. I am published in fact.

Sorry that sounded snappy.

I'm actually scared to write now, but thanks.

retrodisco666 wrote:It kinda has, thanks.

And i do read poetry alot. I am published in fact.

Sorry that sounded snappy.

I'm actually scared to write now, but thanks.

Dude don't be scared, please, this isn't a review on you. It's the poem, if you worked on this it could actually be really good. But what this came across as mainly was rushed.

Trust me keep writing .

Don't be afraid to write, take in the critiques, learn. Most critiques are filled the critics opinion, but it still has value.

retrodisco666 wrote:Love is horrible,powerful and unstoppable.

It rips at your insides, it makes you bleed without touching you. How does it make you bleed?

Makes you cry without you wanting to,

It makes you love without you wanting to. You're just telling here, there is a lot of potential in this, and you just don't follow through. This isn't a very hooking opening



You forget everything.



So after love is gone

when you see your face in the mirror

it is no longer one you recongnise.

It has changed because that is what love has told it to do, I honestly don't understand what you're trying to say here. Are you saying that love changes you? You have a good simile, love being like cancer, and this may be your comparison, but it doesn't come across.



you hate it.

You hate love,

then you hate that you hate love

because love gives you hope

and then you have nothing

It pulls you from friends and family. Wait, but you love friends and family. You aren't making sense~



Love is the new cancer,

and it hurts so bad. Love doesn't always hurt.

Okie dokie, I really don't know how to address this, it just seems like you have a good idea, but didn't flesh it out into a story. You're telling me what love does, but you aren't showing me. How is Love the new cancer? You aren't connecting everything, the reader is confused, I'm confused.
I'm quite new to poetry, only been writing it a couple of months, so I'm a bit confused on how to help you. You say you've read a lot of poetry, but have you seen a style you liked? Have you studied it, analysed it to its core? I personally like ee cummings and Emily Dickinson. I haven't really developed a style like that yet, but my first ever poem was an attempt at her Emily Dickinson's style, and it did not go well. I had an image, but that was it, nothing was built from it. I think that's what you need to work on.

I hope I helped.

O.K ...I'm going to be honest ..I'm not that great at reviewing..

Butt anywho ...
I absolutely LOVE (no pun intended) this piece . I found it to flow very well and it definitely is very
deep. While reading I found myself agreeing with the poem.. Love is the new cancer..
It scares many people .. but unlike cancer people want it.
Keep on the good work
-XOXO Imaginemymind

What are you published in?

what i have to say is all is fair in love and war, and love hurts some times.

retrodisco666 wrote:Love is horrible,powerful and unstoppable.

It rips at your insides, it makes you bleed without touching you.

Makes you cry without you wanting to,

It makes you love without you wanting to.



You forget everything.



So after love is gone

when you see your face in the mirror

it is no longer one you recongnise.

It has changed because that is what love has told it to do,



you hate it.

You hate love,

then you hate that you hate love

because love gives you hope

and then you have nothing

It pulls you from friends and family.



Love is the new cancer,

and it hurts so bad.

I feel like you rush this along but it could be very good if you worked on it. It ends kind of abruptly, you are talking about it pulling you away then mention it is cancer and then it ends. Also, in the beginning you use the words "without you wanting to" in two consecutive lines. To me, that interupted the rythym and was unneeded repetitivness. This is quite a good idea/theme for a poem and I think it could flourish into something great. Similies and metaphors could be used more effectivly to describe exactly how this person is feeling about love and cancer and how they are related. Hope I helped.