A Veiled Shell

This is another of my poems that I made up in a couple of minutes. Live it, love it, loath it, trash it.

What am I?
Nothing but a veiled shell.
But what do I hold?
What secrets do I conceal?
Beneath my hard, encrusted casing,
Thrives knowledge without limits.

What is within me?
Nothing but a clouded mass.
But what do I shade?
What do I blind?
Through the screening mist,
Contains a heart of pure gold.

What is at the heart of me?
Nothing but pure joy.
But what is this delight?
Why do they enjoy it so?
Through this pleasure and enchantment,
I see the true meaning to my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The last thing I'd like to mention is that this is a riddle as well as a description.

Hi there

First off, I have to admit that I'm not really too fond of this - it didn't really say anything to me, I didn't wuite get the point of it. Is the subject of the poem asking these questions to us or to itsself? It's probably just me but I think there were far too many rhetorical question's in this, it might have been more effective if you used maybe one in each stanza? We also don't get any indication what this thing is at all - I completley understand that poetry does not have to be obvious and does not have to reveal at all, but as I did not really engage with this it frustrated me a little bit.

As for the structure of the poem it flowed well and the stanzas did lead onto each other well.

The last line of the poem did however work well for me - of we are looking into the meaning of a life we obviously cannot find answers - but as the rest of the poem asked so many questions it seemed to lose it's meaning a little.

I hope I did not come off too harsh You clearly can write and please keep it up!

Jesse

'Ello there,

Starting off, I'd have to agree with the above in one way: the poem is a bit confusing. The point of view doesn't seem quite that defined in it (the beginning seems to be in first person while the middle [at least the first two lines] comes off as third person), drowning the thing in mystery (which can be good--if you do it the right way). I'd refrain from using broad, wandering terms in your work (for example, your line: "Why do they enjoy it so?" Be more specific--say who, it's much more easier on the reader). I did like the multitude of questions in the poem, because, well questions are fun, aren't they? I also would steer clear of overused phrases such as "heart of pure gold". Such phrases fall flat because they are used heavily in everyday language. Strive for the bold and unique--make up a new set of phrases, splice words you never thought would go together, just be creative.

On that note, I thought this piece was a very nice overall. With a bit of buffing and editing, I'm sure that it will be an outstanding work of art.

One last note: the last two lines don't seem to match the rest of the poem. I don't know, they just seem...a little off to me, personally. They have a different flow than the rest and break up the established order and rhythm.

That's all, I guess. Sorry if I've come off a bit strong, just here for advice! Keep writing!

~Horseradish

Thank you HorseradishCares,
I am currently taking on the challenge to create a new unique phrase which is quite a difficult job without help. All I have right now is:
Contains a heart that evokes...

I'm not sure how to change this poem in order to suit both your and jessedrop's suggestions. Any help and suggestions from any other readers and reviewers is greatly appreciated.

-RepublicOfCoter

Hello there
I will have to disagree with the comments above. I actually thought that this was pretty good. There was a lot of good imagery, I liked how you personified the whole thing and it made a lot of sense. I was not fond of the last stanza though, I felt that it did not go along with the first two but i loved it anyhow. It was really creative of you. Good job
Ziggie

Hello RepublicOfCoter, i am Artlover2227
congratulations this is my first review. First i would like to say i liked this poem, i don't know what it was, there was just something in it that i liked and i thought was interesting. i liked the length and spacing in the text.

-Artlover2227
Be who you want to be.

Hey ROC,

I'm in two minds about this one. I like it more than I don't which is the good thing. It had really good imagery and I liked the questioning scheme and the wording of the poem. The wording of the poem is my favourite bit of it. My favourite lines were the last line of the first stanza and the first of the third stanza.

Even though I liked the questioning scheme, it got confusing in the poem. Were you asking yourself these questions or us? At times you answered the questions, so I was a bit confused why you asked them in the first place. I also felt it went nowhere. I felt there was no deeper message within the poem. Maybe explain your riddle more, and the part of the true meaning to life.

With a bit more tweaking up, it could be good! Best wishes!

RedLeaf

Very Confusing (Not that that's a bad thing, it just reflects how well constructed this poem is)

I don't think many people are going to guess what the riddle is unless you mention it at the end (I recommend it)

Any way, good stuff, well done, etc

TheBigCheese