Nine

. -

I really like this poem. There isn't much I can criticize or anything, I think the punctuation was brilliant. I also like how it just seamlessly flows together.


-Flower-

Hi there, Navita! I actually don’t think we’ve ever been introduced but I’m Lily!

So, I’ve sat here and read this poem over and over and I’m still wondering if I understand this poem. But I only really sat here and attempted to understand this because I loved your use of imagery. There wasn’t anything that I really found ‘wrong’ with this poem.

What I really sat here and hashed out was what this poem means.

All that I’ve really been able to figure out is that the poem is a representation of all of your narrator’s almost successes. It’s a poem that just says…almost.
But I might be wrong.
In fact, I probably am wrong. This whole poetry thing can confuse me sometimes. But I’m trying. That counts for something, right?

*Seriously though, I would love to know what this poem actually means. If you could let me know, that would be awesome.*

~lilymoore

We haven't been introduced either, Navita... I'm Mcbeff... or MC, whichever
Wow... I think this poem just blew me away a little bit! Like Lilymoore I read this poem over and over trying to understand it, and I still don't! But it's absolutely beautiful, I did quite like the imagery in this poem. Nothing really wrong with it, I just don't feel I get the full meaning of it. But I guess that's probably why I like it so much.
Good job

Hi, Navita!

I like this poem a lot. Like Lily, I wasn't able to knot all the threads together... but that made the poem somehow worthier to reach for, worthier to consume. I'm trying to think of all the different options for the interpretations of this poem, even though your own is probably very different than any of mine. But the fact I don't know more makes me like it more.

I think the word "annoy" is something to be careful of. It gives too easily the impression that it's sort of hoi polloi amongst all the words. So if you use it, like you did now, be sure not to leave it hanging anywhere, and ensure that it's indeed the word you're looking for to use in a certain situation.

My least favourite part in this poem was, because of the jumbliness, "till the first page of the last chapter". It makes me stop while reading, because I have to understand it for the sake of the poem, and because it's somewhat of a mess, it doesn't just flow past my eyes like the rest. Therefore, it creates an unnecessary pause to the poem.

I liked the first proper stanza a lot, the imagery in it is great. The last stanza and especially the ending line are also very good. I love the quickstep aspect. In the ending line, I think that "trinity of trinities" is clever, since the subject of the poem is "nine". So, the beginning and the ending were my favourite parts, and the stanzas in the middle I didn't care that much for. Overall, I liked this, so nice job.


Demeter
x

Thank you to Flower, Lily, Macbeth, and Demeter for your comments!

I'm glad you enjoyed the poem...I don't really want to give the mystery away, as such, but indeed there is one, and I'm pleased you got that feeling from reading it .

Demmeh >> I'll do something about the 'last page of the last chapter.' That ANNOYS me, too, ha.

Ta


Navita

Hey Navita,

I love stanzas two to four, and the final isolated line at the end. I especially enjoyed;
"when I used to tear apart
the seams of my wallet, fingers scrambling,"

and

"there is hardly an unfinished novel that
I read till the first page of the last chapter."

I felt that the first stanza was overdone. There were too many jumbled images and I felt it was too abstract and crammed in too many words. I'd try to pare it back.

A pleasure, as always.

Hope this helps,

Jas

Navita --

I was wondering when I'd stumble across one of your gems outside of NaPo. I'm sure you've posted something else, but I've never had the pleasure of finding them.

An interesting poem. Plenty of that intellectual stimulation. Honestly, I'm just tempted to think that this is a poem about the number nine. Which would actually be pretty cool. It reminds me of Arthur Rimbaud's "Voyelles" -- a little bit of synesthesia going on. I get the feeling that that's not what this piece is about though. And so I'll proceed topically.

The first line annoys me. Maybe because of it's childish directness. Maybe because I expect more "beating around the bush" so to speak when I read a poem. I don't want to be directly told in a line that stands alone. To top it all off, you use such a bland word (though I'm not sure any other word could fix things here) -- "annoy". In short, it is devoid of everything you and I cherish about poetry. Intellect, imagery, and heart. It's just there. A useless siamese head. The stanza after this first line should, in all honesty, have the ability to speak for itself, since you're trying to make a parallel between the number nine, and annoyances.

This stanza I enjoyed for the most part...I don't think I agree with Jas. It's got just enough packed in it. Though maybe I don't quite get the lipstick bit. I also enjoyed your closing stanza and line. They were delicious. A trinity of trinities. Classic Navita.

However, the two stanzas of meat stuffed inside were a tad ho-hum. I think these are the two stanzas that prove that this is a poem about something more than the number nine. Maybe the reason I don't care for these two stanzas is that there is no imagery, but I think it goes deeper than that. They're just a little too bizarre. We get such lovely feelings from this poem, but never any conclusive ideas. In the third stanza, some guy's looking for some cash while he holds up a line. In the fourth, you talk about unfinished novels and cleanliness. I would like some more clarity.

Anyway, that about wraps up my comments. Flawlessly assembled, as usual. The final line haunts me.

-Kylan

Thanks guys!

Jas - I find it interesting that the stanza I most enjoyed writing was the one you thought was stuffed full of little ideas. It's true; it was - I think I was going for the 'back up my point with examples' idea here and so kept them short and sweet with little exposition. I see what you mean, though.

Kylan - so good of you to drop by! I see the word 'annoy' annoys you. I annoys me too. Perhaps that was why I kept it - because it's a stubborn, childish, annoying word as is my annoyance of the no. nine. Still, you have a good point - it seems ever too-direct, gives away too much of the poem in one go. The stanzas of meat stuffed inside are...yes, going beyond nine, I guess, so I'll explain here:

(I hate having to explain myself, but maybe they were terrifically vague)

The first proper stanza is exactly what Lily said - my annoyance with nine is that it is an 'almost' number. It's almost ten. It's almost there. In a way, it's worse to almost fail an exam than to fully fail, if that makes sense. The one about the guy looking for coins...haha, that's a NZ thing: we used to have 1 and 2 cent coins, but they got rid of them (they were pretty annoying, that's why, to look for). So everything that costed $5.99, for example, was pushed up to $6 by suppliers, since you can't exactly pay for that in cash if you don't have 1 and 2 cent coins to make it up to '9'. I think this would be vague, actually, even to a NZer, but they could put 'nine' and 1 and 2 cent coins together with a bit of mathematical thinking. The unfinished novels and cleanliness...they relate to the idea of perfection. Being a perfectionist means one cannot leave a job 'almost' done, hence no book is read to the 'almost' end and the room is either fully clean or fully messy, but not in between, not almost one or the other. And the last line...I will let that haunt you.

But I agree, the last couple of proper stanzas are mostly head and little heart. I sort of rely on the reader's annoyance of the word 'annoy' to carry them through to the ending line.

Anyway, thanks to everyone again for their comments.