The Things I Hate About You

I hate how when I said those words you went and ran and hid.
I hate the way you said you'd call - but you never did.
I hate the way your eyes are blue
and not a black or grey.
Because maybe if they weren't blue
I wouldn't feel this way.
I hate the way you know me better then I know myself.
I hate the way I tell you things before anyone else.
I hate the way you stare at me
and the way it makes me feel.
I hate the way I look at you
and know this love is real.
I hate how when you're not here
the days feel way too long.
I hate how you see through my walls
and know my favorite songs.
I hate the way you smile at me and I forget it all.
I hate the way being around you makes me feel so small.
I hate the way you erase my fears
and the way your always there.
I hate the way you kiss my tears
and run your fingers through my hair.
I hate the way you always love to entwine our fingers.
I hate the way your touches tickle
and the way they like to linger.
I hate the way you look at me and your eyes light up with sunlight.
I hate the way you touch me
and I know everything is alright.
I hate the way seeing you makes it hard to breathe.
I hate the way - deep down - i know you're the one for me.
I hate the way I know for sure
I'm not afraid to fall.
I hate the way I don't hate you.
Not even a little bit
Not even at all.

Welcome to YWS! I'm Grif and I'll be reviewing your poem today.

I could see the potential intensity of the poem, but it didn't seem to come out very well. I think a lot of it was the repetition of "I hate..." You really beat it to death. A little bit of structure would have helped. Suppose you grouped the things you hated into particular categories like "The way you make me feel, the things you do, the things you say,..." then make a verse for each of them. Right now they're all scrunched together and there is no way for them to really stand out.

Starting each verse with "I hate..." would be a lot more bearable than if you were to start every other line with it.

"I hate the way you look at me,
when you are in pain.
It tears the very heart in me,
I can not stand the strain."

Is an example of what a complete verse might look like. By writing it along these lines, we see the pain behind the hate, instead of just the hate. This allows you to connect with your reader and it is also a better outlet for said pain.

Haha, interesting! Very straightforward. I like how the speaker starts out full of hate and then as he/she thinks it through, realizes otherwise by the end of the poem. He/she certainly is fighting the whole way though.

I think it needs a bit of work in the area of consistency. Starting with line breaks, for example, you have

MadameCK wrote:I hate the way you said you'd call - but you never did.
I hate the way your eyes are blue
and not a black or grey.

It would be more consistent if it was either:

I hate the way you said you'd call
but you never did.
I hate the way your eyes are blue
and not a black or grey.

or:

I hate the way you said you'd call- but you never did.
I hate the way your eyes are blue and not a black or grey.

You seem to change it up quite often throughout the poem and it can make it a little strange to read, so try to pick one formatting or another and stick with it.

The other thing that stuck out to me was the line, "I hate how you see through my walls." This poem overall is very clear, straightforward, and to the point, so a metaphorical line like that sort of sticks out. You may consider changing it to something more tangible so it fits in with the rest of the poem.

The poem has a good concept though; I hope you'll keep working on it

This isn't really a review I guess I just wanted to say that I liked this poem and it reminded me of the poem in 10 Things I Hate about You, which is like one of my all time favorite movies XD. The last line is pretty much exact, you might want to change that. But I don't think any of the other lines are the same and there certainly aren't 10. I don't really know what I am saying, maybe just put a little more of a spin on it. It sounds too similar.

For a reference, here is the poem from the movie,

I hate the way you talk to me,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car,

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you're always right,

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you're not around,

and the fact that you didn't call.

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,

not even close

not even a little bit�

not even at all.

I like this. As Griff said, you don't have much structure here and it's a bit hard on the eyes to read, but if you get past the format you have a very nice poem. I have a problem with repetition in my poems and now I see how bothering it gets. Maybe you could use another word for hate? Loathe? I'm not any good synomyns. :p You should at least break it up . Welcome to YWS. Overall, good poem.

~Jasmine Bells

hello madameCK.

personally, i love how you turned those wonderful things into things you hate about a person. i used to hear a song here, almost the same as this one..but i love your poem better. however i was quite confused with this one.

I hate the way I don't hate you.
Not even a little bit
Not even at all.

well, maybe that's irony. nice poem.

-telle.