See

The cuts in
my paper thin, paper skin
hold messages-
hollowly sliding towards my feet.

(the floor is farther down then you think)


Seems as if even I
bleed like you, bona fide.
The blind watch intently as
I give it all away.

slowly, as if time might make it stay.


Underneath it all could
show the world what it should
be if only it would
see.

This is a really awesome poem. It's got great structuring, perfect rhyming, an interesting storyline, and a good beat.

The cuts in
my paper thin, paper skin

Normally, I'm not a big fan of repeating words right in a row, but you made it work right here.

Seems as if even I
bleed like you, bona fide.

I love this line. So keep up the good work, and keep writing!

Hey there Kat! Oh, and *jaw hits the floor*

The cuts in
my paper thin, paper skin

Vasticity is right here. I mean, I hate repetition. But this just sounds cool. Almost like some lyric you would here in a Fall Out Boy song. (By the way, I love Fall Out Boy, so this is a good thing.)

I really can’t do anything except repeat what Vast said, so congrats.

~lilymoore

The cuts in
my paper thin, paper skin
hold messages-

This is a great way to begin! You've got a great sense of pacing here.

I also like how you address "bona fide" almost as if it's a separate character rather than a qualifying statement.

KatTrain wrote:The cuts in
my paper thin, paper skin why repeat it, when you say paper thin and paper skin, they mean the same thing...
hold messages- holding?
hollowly sliding towards my feet.This is kinda abrupt and is making little sense to me.

(the floor is farther down then you think) is this line even needed? And I beg to differ! *touches feet to floor* HA!


Seems as if even I
bleed like you, bona fide.
The blind watch intently as
I give it all away.

slowly, as if time might make it stay. What? You may want to reword this.


Underneath it all could
show the world what it should this is awkward, you need some words to make this flow better, and make more sense.
be if only it would same exact thing as before
see.

I have no idea what your poem is even about. And I am sorry, it's hard to review something that I don't really understand.

Good luck, keep writing.
Silented1.

This poem is cool. I especially like how you put bona fide in bold. Anyway, great poem. Keep writing these types.