Lost In A Daydream

Lost in a daydream,
I sit here and write,
About worlds unknown,
Or friends in a fight,
My eyes have gone blind,
My ears have gone deaf,
Everything around me,
Has gone,
Disappeared,
Left,
People may talk,
And people may wave,
But never will they capture my attention,
Because I am lost,
Forever I’m sure,
In my own silent detention.

This is an awesome poem. It's perfectly structured, with good words, beat, and a well-interpreted storyline. I wish I could give you more of a critique, but there's really nothing wrong with it, that I can see. You have a knack for making poems, IHB. Keep writing! Seriously.

Hello there, Heartbooks!

Ah, I love your poetry. I think you did really good on this. The only thing that bothers me about this poem is the punctuation. Not every sentence should have commas, you need some periods or maybe semi-colons in there somewhere.

Otherwise, good job and keep it up! =D

~Heather

Hi,

I really enjoyed this. You have a great sense of the sound of the piece and I love how it progresses from beginning to end.

I'd change "worlds unknown" to "unknown worlds" as it sounds more natural, and "But never will they capture my attention," to "But they will never capture my attention."

Hope this helps,

Jas

Hi there Books! It’s Lily…again!

I really enjoyed this poem. It was simple but it describes a common feeling for…well…any writer when we let ourselves fall too deeply into our writing.
There’s just one line that bugs me:

And people may wave,
But never will they capture my attention,
Because I am lost,

The bolded line just seems too long and it ruins the pace and the flow of the poem.

But that shouldn’t stop you!

Write on!

~lilymoore