Face(less)book_Chap_1.1

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“Everybody pay attention” Mrs. Ghosh said to call the class to attention. Mrs. Ghosh tilted her thin spectacles to her nose and eyed the students. Her efforts fell on silent ears.

“Yesterday I taught you thermodynamics. Have you revised all the laws?” she addressed to everyone. Many speculated that her glasses were about 1.5mm thick, about the size of their interest in thermodynamics. She was the most feared teacher at Rajkumar College. It was situated in the centre of city and surrounded by some of the world’s freshest shopping venues which always proved helpful while bunking classes.It was school with almost every kind of facility from archery to horse riding which only wealthy people were able to afford. The college had an outstanding academic reputation in soccer, swimming and almost every kind of sport apart from academics. Why would children from rich families bothered about studies and career?

Each July, when the new academic session began, students begged God not to be assigned Mrs Ghosh to their classroom. Of course, some prayers went unheard. These students were doomed to endure 11th grade math with the woman pegged as 'Lady Hitler'.
.“Yes Ma’am, we have revised.” the students replied in unity. Their vehement outcry drowned out the ‘No's’of the last benchers. Mrs. Ghosh wasn't aware of those 'No's', one of which was Dhruv sitting in the back next to Anshul.
Dhruv was infamous for all his notorious activity .He was caught many times by Principal J B Singh for various illegal activities within and outside school campus. Like most troublemakers, he was at the top of a class made up of 62 students if counting started from last rank. He was not a plebeian student – and he had been defeated in fierce competition by Rocky when he ran for head boy in the school cabinet elections. He was the ill-famed L.O.S.E.R at Rajkumar, who had only one good childhood friend Khushi in whole school.
She pointed her chalk at a nerdy boy in the front row that had thick black spectacles just like her own and said with skepticism “Tell me the first law, then,”Anyone could reach the conclusion that the boy was a member of Ghosh's family from the looks of him, and that maybe she was doing him a favor.
Dhruv and Anshul ignored Mrs. Ghosh's lecture. They had other things they preferred to focus on instead.
“Love cannot be created nor destroyed, but can be transferred from one girl to another. How’s my first law of thermodynamicsDude?” Anshul asked Dhruv in a low voice.
They both tried to suppress their laughter, but the teacher looked up immediately. Dhruv and Anshul's face became sober and they abandoned their jokes. It was a close call.
Anshul tried to continue with the joking but Dhruv interrupted him. “It's over. I need to concentrate, else something bad will happen.Over?” glowered Dhruv giving a sullen look “Let me concentrate on my mobile phone. Can’t you see hot stuff’s going on here?” and took his eyes back to the latest Ferrari Virtue which his dad bought on Europe trip.
Anshul scowled under his breath. He was upset that Dhruv had brushed him off. Therefore, he tried to flip to the correct page in his physics book to look up the law in case Mrs. Ghosh made him next victim. He had the book well-hidden beneath his bench, so that she couldn't see him cheating. Unfortunately, his ignorance of the lectures made him flip to the table of contents rather than directly to the chapter with the theoretical definitions of thermodynamics. It was a common trait in all backbenchers; neither had they known the chapter going in the class nor its content.
The nerdy kid that resembled Mrs. Ghosh was unable to give the right answer. Unfortunately,he was forced to stand up for the remaining duration of the lecture as a punishment. Anshul began to feel fear, and scanned the pages quickly in desperation. He finally reached the correct page and rushed to remember the law.
“Dhruv! Smoke is coming out of dragon lady's nostrils. Just read this law once. You'll be safe,” he warned Dhruv.
“Don't disturb me,” Dhruv replied. He refused to care about the teacher or the class. Dhruv brushed back the thick curtain of blond curls that framed his face, and leaned on his elbow to block Anshul from talking to him and again continued to concentrate on mobile screen.
“But I've found it in the book. Just read it once!” Anshul continued to plead.
“Can't you see what I'm doing?” he gave a warning stare. “Don't disturb me for God sakes.” Dhruv glared at him disapprovingly.
Anshul's heart dropped as he turned and realized the teacher was drawing close to their bench. Anshul frantically slid the book deep into his desk next to his school bag. He nudged Dhruv to let him know the teacher was moving close.
Dhruv's thought went into a tailspin as he, too, realized the teacher was coming close to them.
“What happened?” Dhruv mumbled under his breath.
Anshul urgently replied, “She's coming! Hide it! Fast....”
Dhruv froze. His face was expressionless. He had been using his mobile phone. He was too petrified to stick it in his pocket without being noticed, so he stuck it between his bag and book beneath the bench where it would safely be out of view of Lady Hitler.
The teacher caught Dhruv's suddenly abrupt movement.
“What were you both doing?” she said, staring sharply at them.
“No... nothing, ma'am,” Dhruv stammered. He couldn't get the words out correctly because warnings flashed in his mind and formed lumps in the pit of his stomach.
Mrs. Ghosh stretched her glass frame further down her nose, and fixed the two boys with her most withering stare.
“Then tell me the first law of Thermodynamics,” she said to Dhruv.
Dhruv had to mutter something. He had no other choice. He started to narrate, “Love can...” when he realized it was the funny definition Anshul had narrated just a few seconds ago. He became tongue-tied, knowing that if he continued with that definition he would be in worse trouble.
“Love?” she said puzzled. The whole class began to laugh. It might have been okay in literature class, if they were learning Romeo and Juliet, but this was physics which denied existence of love like god and forced everything by one or other law.
“Everybody shut up!” Mrs. Ghosh screamed. “I don't want to hear a single noise.”
She then turned on Dhruv again, and his heart skipped a beat.
“I don’t know ma’am” apologized Dhruv lowering his head with shame.
Gurrrrrr! Gurrrrrr
A vibration traveled along Dhruv's bench. He wasn't sure if it was a direct call or a message that made his phone vibrate, but he could feel the sensation on his bench. It was a live demo of the physics law. Waves travel in all directions and much faster in solid compared to air.
Gurrrrrr! Gurrrrrrr!
He realized that perhaps even the teacher could hear or feel the vibration. He couldn't focus. He just thought about the significance of the vibration.
“You don’t know? You were in class yesterday,” she said in an irritated tone.
“Yes. Yes, ma’am…” he said absent-minded. His mind was vibrating with the vibration of his mobile phone. He was absolutely petrified.
Gurrrrr!! Gurrrrr!!
The rhythmic vibrations were causing the phone to move towards the edge of the bench giving proof of Newton’s third law of motion To Every Action there is equal and opposite reaction. Dhruv was oblivious to this development, otherwise he might have been able to save himself from the grief that was about to happen.
Dhapak!!!
The device fell three feet from the bench, and cracked on the floor. Dhruv reacted quickly and picked it up, but it was too late. The damage had already been done. There was no action that could cover up that sound.
“What was that falling sound?” Mrs. Ghosh said right on cue.
“Nothing ma’am,” Dhruv said in a weak attempt at lying. His lack of confidence was giving his lie away.
“Show me your hand,” instructed the teacher as she gazed straight into his eyes.
Dhruv was in trouble with a capital T. Yet, he was determined to convince her, yet again, that he had done nothing wrong.
“Ma’am, it was nothing,” he said.
There was no changing her mind.
“Don't act over smart, show me your hand,” she said. “Show me both your hands. Quickly! Don't waste my time!” She said.
Both of Dhruv's hands were behind his back. He slowly brought forward his right hand with the phone in it. She was surprised to see that he had brought a mobile phone into the classroom.
“Give me that thing?” she said in her lowest, yet angriest, voice. “And please get out of this class.”
“Sorry, ma'am,” Dhruv said softly.
“I don't want to hear sorry. Get out and kneel down outside,” she said in a voice that was still calm. Her face showed that she was managing to not erupt, even though she was bubbling with anger like a volcano about to blow. “Do you understand?”
“I'm really sorry, ma'am,” Dhruv continued to plead. He tried to make a cute puppy face to coax her into his innocence.

“Get out. Don't waste time,” she said with finality.
“Sorry, ma'am. Please!” he begged.
“Gettt Outtt!!!” she roared in the highest possible human voice. The volcano blew. A pin drop silence followed. Surely, the principal just 50 yards down the hall would have heard that scream, not to mention neighboring classes. Everyone's eyes fell on Dhruv. They wanted him to leave before things got worse.

Dhruv handed her the mobile phone. His face turned red, and he exited the room. He wanted to go somewhere to scream, cry, or kick something really hard. However, he knelt outside the classroom like he was told and watched junior sections students play basketball in the court.

After 10 minutes of stressful punishment, he wanted to stand to give his painful knees a rest, but he pushed the thought aside. If Lady Hitler saw him standing for even a moment I would receive even worse punishment he thought. The pain of the weight of the entire body on the knees was unendurable. However, watching the game going in the basketball court was helping him to divert his thoughts.

What if she took him to the Princy later, and he found out everything he had been doing new thought popped his mind. Maybe Princy would tell whole story my parents, also. Panic started to rise in Dhruv. She wouldn't go to the principal. This was the first mistake he had ever made in front of Mrs. Ghosh. He made a logical approach to reason himself. He finally let a warm smile spread across his face.Now, he was very much sure she wouldn't take him to the principal.

Pain in his knees was getting unbearable. He wasn’t able to tolerate anymore, it felt him like someone had kept 50 Kg iron weight on both his knee joints. Therefore, stood up for a brief moment for a relief. He was lucky, Hitler didn’t saw him standing there watching the basketball game instead of punishment, may be she was too busy with her classes inside. On the basketball court, one of the students dodged a ball and was able to steal and throw it perfectly into the basket.

The escape was brief. His mind went back into the classroom. Suddenly, he was terrified again thinking about Hitler. Even, though he had only been standing for a minute. He resumed the torturous position. Again, he worried she would go to the principal. All his confidence that she wouldn't had dissipated. He tried to maintain his balance as he wiped the sweat from his forehead.

She will not go,” he though desperately. She would have done it already if she meant to.

The positive thoughts didn't help much. In fact, he felt less calm.

What if she saw what was going on in the mobile? His thoughts exploded. What if she came to know everything? She will know what I was actually doing. Then she will never see me the same. I've already destroyed the little image I had after being defeated in the election. Jez, please save me!

Ding, Ding, Ding …Ding!!

The recess bell released a flood of students into the hall. Once silence corridors were now full of students chattering with excitement. It was like they hadn't seen recess in ages. All the classes, except his, were let out. A few students ate their lunches in the empty classrooms. Mrs. Ghosh continued to lecture through recess.

Why is she taking so long? Dhruv's thoughts pleaded.

He had hoped his punishment would've been over before recess. His punishment would've been known mostly just in his classroom. Now people stared at him as they passed. Here was a candidate for head boy enduring an unimaginable punishment.

A student threw a tantrum near where Dhruv was kneeling, “If he's punished, then even we could be.”

The boy made the comment so that it was audible to Dhruv, but he ignored it and kept his head down.

“He must've been talking in class,” the student continued to try and justify the punishment.

“No! No! Maybe he didn't do his homework” replied the other student standing nearby. Both boys started laughing.

Dhruv couldn't do anything. He clenched his fists. One day definitely he would show them.
Unfortunately, You become what you think 24*7
-Gaurav Mehta,2008




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Hello there!

Here to review.


“Everybody, pay attention(an exclamation point or a period would be needed to end this statement)” Mrs. Ghosh said to call the class to attention. (This would be better if you jusr said like this: Mrs. Ghosh called the class' attention.) Mrs. Ghosh tilted her thin spectacles to her nose and eyed the students. Her efforts fell on silent ears.

I have to say you had a weak starting line, it's because the sentence is too awkward to read and contained a few punctuational problems.

“Yesterday I taught you thermodynamics. Have you revised all the laws?” She (capital S 'cause you eneded the quote with a question mark)addressed to everyone. Many speculated that her glasses were about 1.5mm thick, about the size of their interest in thermodynamics.Good line :wink: She was the most feared teacher at Rajkumar College. It was situated in the centre of the city and surrounded by some of the world’s freshest shopping venues which always proved helpful while bunking classes.It was a school with almost every kind of facilities from archery to horse riding which only wealthy people were able to afford. The college had an outstanding academic reputation in soccer, swimming and almost every kind of sports apart from academics. Why would children from rich families bothered about studies and career?

Every (month of) July, when the new academic session began, students begged God (proper to say if it's 'prayed')not to be assigned Mrs. Ghosh to their classroom. Of course, some prayers went unheard. These students were doomed to endure 11th grade math with the woman pegged as 'Lady Hitler'.
.(delete period)“Yes Ma’am, we have revised.” The students replied in unity. Their vehement outcry drowned out the ‘No's'(space)of the last benchers(I don't think there's such a word as 'benchers', just simply say students). Mrs. Ghosh wasn't aware of those 'No's', one of which was Dhruv sitting in the back next to Anshul.
Dhruv was infamous for all his notorious activity. He was caught many times by Principal J B Singh for various illegal activities within and outside school campus.(he could be drop 'cause of those things.lol) Like most troublemakers, he was at the top of a class made up of 62 students if counting started from last rank. He was not a plebeian student – and he had been defeated in fierce competition by Rocky when he ran for head boy in the school cabinet elections. He was the ill-famed L.O.S.E.R at Rajkumar, who had only one good childhood friend Khushi in whole school.
She pointed her chalk to a nerdy boy at the front row that had thick black spectacles just like her own and said with skepticism, “Tell me the first law, then,” anyone could reach to the conclusion that the boy was a member('member' sounds from a group not a family, try saying: ... that the boy came from the Ghosh family) of Ghosh's family from the looks of him, and that maybe she was doing him a favor.
Dhruv and Anshul ignored Mrs. Ghosh's lecture. They had other things they preferred to focus on instead.
“Love cannot be created nor destroyed, but can be transferred from one girl to another. How’s my first law of thermodynamics, dude?” Anshul asked Dhruv in a low voice.
They both tried to suppress their laughter, but the teacher looked up immediately. Dhruv and Anshul's face became sober and they abandoned their jokes. It was a close call.

Anshul tried to continue with the joking but Dhruv interrupted him. “It's over. I need to concentrate, or else something bad will happen.(space here)Over?” Dhruv glowered giving a sullen look “Let me concentrate on my mobile phone. Can’t you see hot stuff’s going on here?” and took his eyes back to the latest Ferrari Virtue which his dad bought on Europe trip.
Anshul scowled under his breath. He was upset that Dhruv had brushed him off. Therefore, he tried to flip to the correct page in his physics book to look up the law in case Mrs. Ghosh made him the next victim. He had the book well-hidden beneath his bench, so that she( Mrs.Ghoshi will make it clearer than placing 'she') couldn't see him cheating. Unfortunately, his ignorance of the lectures made him flip to the table of contents rather than directly to the chapter with the theoretical definitions of thermodynamics. It was a common trait in all backbenchers;(do you use bench instead of 'seat'?) neither had they known the chapter going on the class nor its content.
The nerdy kid that resembled Mrs. Ghosh was unable to give the right answer. Unfortunately,(space)he was forced to stand up for the remaining duration of the lecture as a punishment. Anshul began to feel fear, and scanned the pages quickly in desperation. He finally reached the correct page and rushed to remember the law.
“Dhruv! Smoke is coming out of dragon lady's nostrils. Just read this law once. You'll be safe,” he warned Dhruv.
“Don't disturb me,” Dhruv replied. He refused to care about the teacher or the class. Dhruv brushed back the thick curtain of blond curls that framed his face, and leaned on his elbow to block Anshul from talking to him and again continued to concentrate on the mobile screen.
“But I've found it in the book. Just read it once!” Anshul continued to plead.
“Can't you see what I'm doing?” he gave a warning stare. “Don't disturb me for God sakes.” Dhruv glared at him disapprovingly.
Anshul's heart dropped as he turned and realized the teacher was drawing close to their bench. Anshul frantically slid the book deep into his desk next to his school bag. He nudged Dhruv to let him know the teacher was moving close.
Dhruv's thought went into a tailspin as he, too, realized the teacher was coming close to them.
“What happened?” Dhruv mumbled under his breath.
Anshul urgently replied, “She's coming! Hide it! Fast....”
Dhruv froze. His face was expressionless. He had been using his mobile phone. He was too petrified to stick it in his pocket without being noticed, so he stuck it between his bag and book beneath the bench where it would safely be out of view of Lady Hitler.
The teacher caught Dhruv's suddenly abrupt movement.
“What were you both doing?” she said, staring sharply at them.
“No... nothing, ma'am,” Dhruv stammered. He couldn't get the words out correctly because warnings flashed in his mind and formed lumps in the pit of his stomach.
Mrs. Ghosh stretched her glass frame further down her nose, and fixed the two boys with her most withering stare.
“Then tell me the first law of Thermodynamics,” she said to Dhruv.
Dhruv had to mutter something. He had no other choice. He started to narrate, “Love can...” when he realized it was the funny definition Anshul had narrated just a few seconds ago.hee-hee... made me laugh He became tongue-tied, knowing that if he continued with that definition he would be in worse trouble.
“Love?” she said puzzled. The whole class began to laugh. It might have been okay in literature class, if they were learning Romeo and Juliet, but this was physics which denied existence of love like god and forced everything by one or other law.
“Everybody shut up!” (Shut up's too inappropriate. Silence, perhaps?)Mrs. Ghosh screamed. “I don't want to hear a single noise.”
She then turned on Dhruv again, and his heart skipped a beat.
“I don’t know ma’am,” apologized Dhruv lowering his head with shame.
Gurrrrrr! Gurrrrrr
A vibration traveled along Dhruv's bench. He wasn't sure if it was a direct call or a message that made his phone vibrate, but he could feel the sensation on his bench. It was a live demo of the physics law.Good line :wink: Waves travel in all directions and much faster in solid compared to air.
Gurrrrrr! Gurrrrrrr!
He realized that perhaps even the teacher could hear or feel the vibration. He couldn't focus. He just thought about the significance of the vibration.
“You don’t know? You were in class yesterday,” she said in an irritated tone.
“Yes. Yes, ma’am…” he said absent-minded. His mind was vibrating with the vibration of his mobile phone. He was absolutely petrified. You just used 'vibrate' twice.
Gurrrrr!! Gurrrrr!!
The rhythmic vibrations were causing the phone to move towards the edge of the bench giving proof of Newton’s third law of motion 'To Every Action there is equal and opposite reaction'. Dhruv was oblivious to this development, otherwise he might have been able to save himself from the grief that was about to happen.
Dhapak!!!
The device fell three feet from the bench, and cracked on the floor. Dhruv reacted quickly and picked it up, but it was too late. (too quickly... it would actually take him some few seconds 'cause you just said that the phone cracked, so we readers would expect the battery and other things out from the phone or those things would scatter)The damage had already been done. There was no action that could cover up that sound.
“What was that falling sound?” Mrs. Ghosh said right on cue.
“Nothing ma’am,” Dhruv said in a weak attempt at lying. His lack of confidence was giving his lie away.
“Show me your hand,” instructed the teacher as she gazed straight into his eyes.
Dhruv was in trouble with a capital T. Yet, he was determined to convince her, yet again, that he had done nothing wrong.
“Ma’am, it was nothing,” he said.
There was no changing her mind.
“Don't act over smart, show me your hand,” she said. “Show me both your hands. Quickly! Don't waste my time!” She said.
Both of Dhruv's hands were behind his back. He slowly brought forward his right hand with the phone in it. She was surprised to see that he had brought a mobile phone into the classroom.
“Give me that thing?” (you used a question mark when she's in a state of anger?)she said in her lowest, yet angriest, voice. “And please get out of this class.”
“Sorry, ma'am,” Dhruv said softly.
“I don't want to hear sorry. Get out and kneel down outside,” she said in a voice that was still calm. Her face showed that she was managing to not erupt, even though she was bubbling with anger like a volcano about to blow. “Do you understand?”
“I'm really sorry, ma'am,” Dhruv continued to plead. He tried to make a cute puppy face to coax her into his innocence. lol, I can't never imagine that.

“Get out. Don't waste time,” she said with finality.
“Sorry, ma'am. Please!” he begged.
Get Out!!!” She roared in the highest possible human voice. The volcano blew. A pin drop silence followed. Surely, the principal just 50 yards down the hall would have heard that scream, not to mention neighboring classes. Everyone's eyes fell on Dhruv. They wanted him to leave before things got worse. I agree, he should leave. :wink:

Dhruv handed her('Mrs. Goshi', use 'she' if you stated her before this sentence) the mobile phone. His face turned red, and he exited the room. He wanted to go somewhere to scream, cry, or kick something really hard. However, he knelt outside the classroom like he was told and watched junior sections students (junior sections or junior students?)play basketball in the court.

After 10 minutes of stressful punishment, he wanted to stand to give his painful knees a rest, but he pushed the thought aside. If Lady Hitler saw him standing for even a moment, I would receive even worse punishment,(try italicizing his thoughts) he thought. The pain of the weight of the entire body on the knees was unendurable. However, watching the game going in the basketball court was helping him to divert his thoughts.

What if she took him to the Princy (Principal? try lessening on giving nicknames)later, and he found out everything he had been doing now thought popped his mind (I would really suggest to italicize things coming from his thoughts). Maybe Princy would tell whole story my parents, also. Panic started to rise in Dhruv. She (Mrs. Ghoshi would be much better to lessen confusion on the part of the reader) wouldn't go to the principal. This was the first mistake he had ever made in front of Mrs. Ghosh. He made a logical approach to reason himself. He finally let a warm smile spread across his face.(space)Now, he was very much sure she wouldn't take him to the principal.

Pain in his knees was getting unbearable. He wasn’t able to tolerate anymore, it felt him like someone had kept 50 Kg iron weight on both of his knee joints. Therefore, he stood up for a brief moment for a relief. He was lucky, Lady :wink: Hitler didn’t see him standing there watching the basketball game instead of his punishment, may be she was too busy with her classes inside. On the basketball court, one of the students dodged a ball and was able to steal and throw it perfectly into the basket.

The escape was brief. His mind went back into the classroom. Suddenly, he was terrified again thinking about Lady Hitler :wink: . Even, though he had only been standing for a minute. He resumed the torturous position. Again, he worried she would go to the principal. All his confidence that she wouldn't had dissipated. He tried to maintain his balance as he wiped the sweat from his forehead.

"She will not go,” he though desperately. She would have done it already if she meant to.

The positive thoughts didn't help much. In fact, he felt less calm.

What if she saw what was going on in the mobile? (italicize it when it comes to his perspective) His thoughts exploded. What if she came to know everything? She will know what I was actually doing. Then she will never see me the same. I've already destroyed the little image I had after being defeated in the election. Jeez, please save me!

Ding, Ding, Ding …Ding!!

The recess bell released a flood of students into the hall. Once silence, corridors were now full of students chattering with excitement. It was like they hadn't seen (seen? it's impossible to see 'recess' technically) :wink: recess in ages. All the classes, except his, were let out. A few students ate their lunches in the empty classrooms. Mrs. Ghosh continued to lecture through recess.

Why is she taking so long? Dhruv's thoughts pleaded.

He had hoped his punishment would've been over before recess. His punishment would've been known mostly just in his classroom. Now people stared at him as they passed. Here was a candidate for the head boy enduring an unimaginable punishment.

A student threw a tantrum near where Dhruv was kneeling, “If he's punished, then even we could be.”

The boy made the comment so that it was audible to Dhruv, but he ignored it and kept his head down.

“He must've been talking during class,” a student continued to try and justify the punishment.

“No! No! Maybe he didn't do his homework,” replied the other student standing nearby. Both boys started laughing.

Dhruv couldn't do anything. He clenched his fists. One day definitely he would show them.


First off, I'm wandering why you placed this piece under 'Romantic Short Stories' when in fact, there's nothing romantic or even related to romance here. So, this really confused me a bit until the end.

Okay, I think you need to proofread this again but I really think is that this piece has a potential. This contained a lot of errors especially when it comes to your grammar and punctuations. If you go visit the other forums here, I'm really sure there are good and helpful treads to help you on that.Your spellings and tenses are good so be happy with it. I'm guessing you're from India, am I right? Just guessing and I know I could be wrong but I think English isn't your first language. (Just by looking at your character's name) :wink:

Your characters are really believable, especially when you described Mrs. Ghoshi. *Shivers* You described the strong cold aura coming from her and if I'll be a student of hers, I would directly transfer to the other school.hee-hee. As with your two MCs, they are bestfriends or childhood friends, all right. It's funny when they can still say jokes silently when the teacher is in front of them. I love how you place some statements relations to Physics in your plot like the time when Chruv's phone vibrated. The only thing that's bad when it comes to characters is how you use nicknames like 'Princy' instead of Principal, you expect the readers to find it funny but in reality, we're confused as to who is really that "Princy". Lady Hitler is a good one though. :wink:

The flow's good and the things that made me stop and contemplate a few seconds are your awkward sentences due to some lack of words, wrong usage of prepositions and grammatical errors. really, it took me a while to read review this. :wink:

I could see and sense that there's a good possibility taht this would turn out good if you just proofread or edit things a bit. This has a potential but you need to improve on things. Also, I think this is for General fiction not in Romantic forum. :wink: PM me for questions.

Keep writing!

Peace out! :smt004

_yuri_
"Life is a poem keep it in the present tense." -Sherrel Wigal




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Thanks a lot Yuri ! That was really important piece of information.I'd surely take care of the thinks that you told me.I'm really thankful for your such a creative review.

God Bless You !
Unfortunately, You become what you think 24*7
-Gaurav Mehta,2008




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 28776
Reviews 446
EiggyPiggy wrote:Thanks a lot Yuri ! That was really important piece of information.I'd surely take care of the thinks that you told me.I'm really thankful for your such a creative review.

God Bless You !


Thank you!

You're very welcome. Hoped I helped. :wink:

One thing: Anshul and Dhruv are both boys right?

~yuri
"Life is a poem keep it in the present tense." -Sherrel Wigal



My tongue must tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart, concealing it, will break...
— Katherine, The Taming of the Shrew