Finally wed

He stood at the alter their families in the pews
The double doors opened the wedding party walking down in two's
When his bride took his hand and he looked into her tear filled eyes
He knew the time had come when their lives were intertwining as one.

Hey there magic!

Right now, I think you have the very barest bones of a poem set up here. You can really get in here and make this a wonderful poem.
I mean, there are so many things you can tell us and describe. Touch on all of the senses other than just site which is what you’ve got here right now. What about the sound of the wedding music or the smell of the musky church.

Also, there are some things I wanted to point out with punctuation.

He stood at the alter, their families in the pews
The double doors opened the wedding party walking(walks) down in two's.
When his bride took his hand and he looked into her tear filled eyes,
He knew the time had come when their lives were intertwining as one.

Punctuation is key in telling your readers where to pause as well as the fact that most of these little tweaks are some basic rules of punctuation that you should follow.


But if you take a little time to really work on this, you’ll have a totally amazing poem. If you have any questions, just ask me.

~lilymoore

I have to agree with lilymoore here: all you've got here is a very condensed, very bare fragment. Yes, you could argue that all had to happen has happened, but it's not enough - the reader right now is simply left hanging and feeling unsatisfied because there's so much more that could have been done. As lily said, try expanding on sensations or perceptions, but also feelings, or thoughts, or characterization.

Hello!

I also have to agree with Lilymoore here. What you currently have is the shell of a possible poem, though I like the idea you had!

I think the second sentence would be better if it was split, and you don't have to in poetry, but punctuation is always nice.

Maybe work on the changes and ideas that have been suggested by Lily and Jag, and it should turn out to be a nice poem.

~Heather