The Awakening

I tried to sell Edna at my yard sale
And no one bought her
I think it’s because people don’t like dolls
That have been painted purple

I would buy Edna
Her and her “dual-life”
Who thinks up that shit?
Edna does

It’s creepy to think that Edna
Is sitting in my garage as I type
Late at night
Her doll back glued to book front

“Mrs. Pontellier!”
It’s funny how it all goes back to convention
That a metaphor is sold for cash
To someone who has never even been to
Grand Isle

“Edna, you’re covered in oil!”
Robert would be ashamed that your resting place
Has been defaced

Hi,

Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here.

I really love the first stanza, especially the last sentence.

I think the second stanza was too vague. I'd also go into "edit" and rate this for language.

The third stanza was great. I think the fourth was again too vague so I'd use specific imagery rather than concepts.

The final stanza is nicely written but its meaning evaded me. I'd flesh the story out more and give more of an indication as to who the characters are and what they are doing.

Hope this helps,
Jas

Hi, there!

I liked how you started this poem. The first stanza caught my attention, and I wanted to read more of the poem. The rest of the piece was also quite interesting, but, as Jasmine Hart mentioned, a bit vague. I think I understood the gist of the poem but not what it was referencing in some parts. As in, I wasn't sure who you meant by "Robert," and some of the circumstances didn't fit in with the scene I had in my head. I believe that with a bit more editing, what is already here could become more defined and thus more effective.

Keep writing!

--Glim

Given the title, I immediately think of the Kate Chopin book. I have never read it (yet!) though, so if there's some link between the two, it's been lost on me (EDIT: and some quick googling helps everything make a little more sense ^_^).

I was a little confused by the "Who thinks up that shit?" in the second stanza, because everything else in the poem talks about daintier things like dolls and painting (even if there might be a darker background to them), and the mild profanity doesn't seem to fit with the tone.

Still, the poem as a whole still needs some work. As previous reviewers have pointed out, there's not a whole lot of sense here unless the reader is already familiar with the book. The beauty of references like these is that on one level, there's the poem, and on another level, there's the poem in response to something. Without the first, it's like making a PB&J without the bread: yummy, but still not really lunch.

I only say this because I'm sure you can do more with this poem. And because I liked the lines "That a metaphor is sold for cash / To someone who has never even been to / Grand Isle" =)