Begining Dream

Let the people run and scream,
as they chase away their dreams.
I sit and watch dare not to run.
For i have a dream that has just begun.

-Kota-

Kota wrote:Let the people run and scream,
as they chase away their dreams.
I sit and watch, dare not to run. Remove "to".
For I have a dream that has just begun.

-Kota-

Great job! I love this, really, I do. Just a few nitpicks, as you can see ^^
-Mizz

I'll jump right into this. This poem was as powerful as it was simple. In the few lines you wrote you said quite a mouthful. you put new meaning to the words "short but sweet". again, this poem said a lot. it was a forceful message and entertaining to read. also, i believe that as a writer you know how you want your work to be read. although anything can be improved upon it doesn't always mean it should. good work!

his reminds me of so many ancient poets, who's words were simply put, an easy to read, but suggested something more. Of course their works were much longer, but i like your poem. Please keep writing more like this, as this type of style will carry you far.

Hello there, Kota. I'll be your reviewer today. =D

Okay, this is nice. Short, somewhat simple, but good. There is only really one thing that bothers me, and that is that you missed capitalizing one of the 'I's in there, though I'm guessing that was a typo.

Otherwise, great job, keep it up!

~Heather

You have a very unique way of writing short poems, this one by far is my favorite that I have read from you. (: keep Writing.

-M. H. Darling

ladyworkz wrote:I'll jump right into this. This poem was as powerful as it was simple. In the few lines you wrote you said quite a mouthful. you put new meaning to the words "short but sweet". again, this poem said a lot. it was a forceful message and entertaining to read. also, i believe that as a writer you know how you want your work to be read. although anything can be improved upon it doesn't always mean it should. good work!

Thank you.

Firearris wrote:Hello there, Kota. I'll be your reviewer today. =D

Okay, this is nice. Short, somewhat simple, but good. There is only really one thing that bothers me, and that is that you missed capitalizing one of the 'I's in there, though I'm guessing that was a typo.

Otherwise, great job, keep it up!

~Heather

Thank you. =D now that I see the I is not capitalized its bugging me too. Ill work on that.

I really like the way people critiqued my poem. Thank you and if I have any mistakes i will promise to work on them. XD Thanks alot.
<3 Kota

As others said, very powerful yet simple.

As I skimmed through the other comments briefly, I do not know if anyone has said this yet:
I really love this style of writing. It's easily readable and accessible, and I think that this style can really bring in some non-hardcore-poetry-readers into your work.

Keep up the good work. I don't agree with taking out the "to" in that line, it kind of makes it harder to read aloud for me (though that may just be me).

I can see how you don't think removing "to" in that line works, however it sounds much better to me, at least, if it is removed. Just my $0.02, though!
-Mizz