Lovely Heart chapter 3

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Chapter 3 William

The dining table was set up perfectly, seven cups, plates, forks, knives, and napkins, one jar of water, a bouquet of flowers placed in the middle, a beautiful plate of chicken and a plate of rice.

Sitting in one of the chairs was a black haired girl with light skin, grey eyes, small nose and a stern look. She was reading a book with a red cover and humming a beautiful tone.

“Sam? I want to present you to someone.” Rosemary said.

“My name is Samantha, not Sam!” scolded the girl with a British accent not looking up at the girls.

“This is Ivy, Ivy, this is Sam” said Rosemary ignoring Samantha’s comment.

“Hello” said Ivy

Samantha said nothing and kept reading the book.

Just then Mrs. Rosette entered the room with a man, and they all sat in their seats.

“That’s Mr. Alfred” whispered Rosemary next to her.

Ivy looked at the man; he was tall and looked strong, with a scar that cut from over his left eye to his right cheek. He was bold and scary, very scary. Mr. Alfred looked at her and smiled a creepy smile. Ivy looked away at the design of stars on the cup, she didn’t like him.

Mrs. Rosette and Mr. Alfred sat down, and automatically there view went from an empty chair to Samantha.

“What wrong?” asked Samantha, leaving her book on the table.

“Where is William?” asked Mr. Alfred with a stern voice.

“At the plaza, I think”

“You think?” said Mrs. Rosette.

“He said he had to go somewhere” said Samantha looking at the plate in front of her.

“If he doesn’t come back after dinner, Samantha and I are going to look for him” Mr.
Alfred said turning to Mrs. Rosette.

Mrs. Rosette said nothing and drank from her cup, full with water.

They went through the dinner silently, only with the comments of Mrs. Rosette talking about how unfair it was that the tomatoes had gone up on price. Samantha looked at her plate, playing with the food, lost in her thoughts. Rosemary ate silently, looking at the door now and then, waiting for somebody. And Ivy, looked at everyone between bites.

After dinner, Mr. Alfred and Samantha got up and left to search for William, and Mrs. Rosette left to the kitchen, leaving Ivy and Rosemary alone.

Rosemary looked at Ivy and smiled.

“I think we should go to bed” she said getting up.

“Is dinner always that silent?” asked Ivy getting up.

“Yes, and especially if something like William disappearing happens”

“Oh, does it happen a lot?”

“Yes, but don’t worry, it just started happening recently” said Rosemary acting like it was all normal.

They walked up the stairs and into their room. Ivy sat on her bed and Rosemary walked to her pillow and got her pajamas from under it.

“What to change first?” asked Rosemary sitting on her bed with her pajamas on her lap.

“Ok” Ivy got her nightgown from the closet on her side of the room.

“Where’s the bathroom?” asked Ivy walking to the door.

“The last door on the left”


In the bathroom, Ivy brushed her hair, slow soft strokes. She looked at the mirror and putted the brush down. She was fair, with emerald green eyes, high cheekbones and a small snub nose. Her hair was long and wavy, with a side swept bang that sometimes covered her right eye.

Ivy braided her hair and left the bathroom with her things and went to her room. There, she found Rosemary dressed in a white long sleeve shirt and blue pajama pants. She was still on her bed, but she was reading a book.

Ivy closed the door softly and Rosemary, hearing the door close, looked up and smiled.

“I’m going to get ready” she said walking to the door and opening it, and as she opened it, both girls heard a door close. They looked at each other and Rosemary said “there here”.


Rosemary left the room and run down the stairs, stopping at the last stair and looking at the three people at the door. She felt Ivy next to her and heard Mrs. Rosette’s footsteps coming to the door.


Ivy looked at Mr. Alfred, Samantha and the rebellious boy they held for him not to leave running.

The boy had raven black hair, dark brown eyes and olive skin. He wore a black long jacket and black jeans, and lots of little scratches here and there.

“William! In what mess have you gotten in now?” said Ivy’s tutor looking at a nasty scratch on his right hand.

“A fight with Cedric McAllen that’s what he got into” said Mr. Alfred, red and mad.

“William, Monday you will go to him and say you’re sorry, and tomorrow you aren’t allowed out” said Mrs. Rosette in a stern voice. “Now go to bed”

Mr. Alfred and Samantha let go of his arms, and he went upstairs, pacing Ivy and Rosemary without a glance.

“Who’s Cedric?” asked curios Ivy.

“He is the baker’s son, and he has the cutest little sister, her name is Hannah” said Rosemary walking up the stairs, Ivy started following her but stopped and looked at Samantha, still at the door, looking at the floor.

“Samantha, are you coming up?”

Samantha looked up at Ivy and nodded.

“Yes” Samantha said, following Ivy up the stairs.

In her room, Ivy opened her journal and write what had happened that first day in Lovely Heart, her new home.
¡¡¡Yo sere la que cree mi camino desde este momento, yo sere la quien grite, la quien mande, porque ahora tengo el control de mi vida en mis manos!!! xD xD xD




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I like this chapter, because you meet a lot of new and interesting characters, who all seem to have a mysterious or interesting past. The story has a lot of potential, but you misspelled some words, or used the wrong form of a word. Like, you spelled 'curious' wrong, so I got confused. But so far it's a really good story. Sorry this was so short. :D
ME




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Hi there, Legendaryrose! We meet again. : ) How are you? I really enjoyed the previous two chapters, and I must say that I really like this one as well. ^_^

I really liked the introductions of the new characters into the story here. These characters all have much more personality than the secondaries at the start of the first chapter, and the fact that they have depth and character help to give Ivy more depth and character, too. We get to see more about her through her reactions to other people, like the sort of friendship she’s developing with Rosemary or her dislike for Mr. Alfred.

I can’t help but find the new characters really intriguing. I wonder just what’s up with Mr. Alfred, and what William is always getting into fights about. I have to say that I really like Samantha—she’s so cool. XD I like her type of character a lot, and I can’t wait to find out more about her. I wonder what her situation is, and I like how you foreshadowed it with her hesitation at the end of the chapter—it adds a bit of life to, and gives us some connection with, a character we just met.

Just a few prose critiques for this chapter:

And Ivy, looked at everyone between bites.

I don’t think the comma after Ivy is needed.

”What to change first?” asked Rosemary sitting on her bed with her pajamas on her lap.

Looking at the context of this part, I think you might have meant “want” not “what”

She looked at the mirror and putted the brush down.

I think the verb is just “put.”

They looked at each other and Rosemary said “there here”.

Ooops, wrong “they’re”. ^^;;

Otherwise, this is another very good chapter—I think you’re getting better and better with every one. I can’t wait to read chapter four—I really want to get into the meat of Ivy’s world and her training as a witch, it’ll be so exciting, and I can’t wait to learn more about these characters. See you next time! ^_^
"The world is not beautiful, therefore, it is." --Kino's Journey

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