Darkness' Release

At last the light's rays have shined down upon me.
The cold's embrace has gone.

I am no longer the hideous
soul I despise.

In the mirror eternal I can now
look.
But no repentance,
no love has changed me.

Darkness had led me
to a fire which burns at its core.
One that illuminates my goal.

The rays have freed me from confusion.
They have unleashed the spirit once again.

First of all, hi!

Anyway, I really liked it. It was dark and somewhat mysterious, and the title is very fitting. That's really good. I personally love reading dark things. Anyway,

dante93 wrote:Darkness had led me
to a fire which burns at its core.

This is probably my favorite line. Fire just draws me for some reason, and this line really says something. I don't know what exactly, but it says something. Plus, I really like your word-choice throughout the whole poem. The words really add to the dramatic background of the whole thing. That's epic! Keep writing!

-Emily

Hi,

I like the couplet structure here, it works really nicely.

This is very internal so I'd try to turn it outwards. For example, it focuses a lot on what the speaker feels;
"I am no longer the hideous
soul I despise."

and in parts it gets a bit emo;

"Darkness had led me
to a fire which burns at its core."

I'd try and turn it outwards. What does the speaker see and hear? Who does he/she interact with? Why do they feel like this? Can you suggest it with visual images?

The best thing you can do for your poetry is read poetry. Anthologies are a good place to start.

Hope this helps,

Jas

I actually made the poem internal on purpose. It is internal because that is part of my style. Thanks for the suggestion, but i do read a lot of poetry.

I enjoy reading your poetry. I find your work to be a dark delight. This poem seems to be on a lighter note compared to your other work and although i feel good for the narrator, i find that i am missing when this soul was tormented. Also, i know that punctuation is important in helping people understand what they are reading nut i found it to be unnecessary here. I appreciate your style of writing and look forward to more.

Thanks for the comment. I try to keep some line between utter torture and the light. I have to write something not so dark every once in a while or my poetry gets so dark my thoughts in this seep into my short short stories, and I've caught it once where it seep into my novel.

Hello there
I will be honest, I did not like it that much. It was just fine. I thought that the first too stanzas were just amazing but then after that the lines were just disappointing.

At last the light's rays have shined down upon me.
The cold's embrace has gone.

I am no longer the hideous
soul I despise.

Great command and a great start here. Good job.
Keep writing

Ha the sad thing is this is not a "start" This was written on a whim,and I think it is good. i guess it does not really matter to you though. Please offer constructive criticism next time. At least something that would help. Thanks for saying it was partially good, but I need to know more what people would like to see changed.