To you, Holly Magin

Hello! So we are making poetry journals, and this poem is to my older cousin. I would like you guys to review.. I don't care if you shred the whole thing apart, I can only write poems when I am in the mood and they have to be really, really deep down in the heart. This poem does not have any top of name, like haiku or something like that. It's just a pattern I made up. If people like them then I have a couple more.. Please Review and tell me!! Thanks Jessie Also,scootering is a made up word, we made it up to represent riding a scooter!

Holly Magin,
You were my hero,
My role model,
My big cousin,
My best friend.

Look at what we've become,
We don't talk, we don't laugh,
We sit in silence.

Remember the time we went scootering,
Right before my mom's wedding,
And how I fell into a ditch?

Remember the time I got stuck,
In a baby swing,
And you couldn't stop laughing?

Holly Magin,
You're funny,
Loving,
Caring,
And pretty!

Look at what we've become,
We're strangers,
We're just family.

Remember the time we ate cake batter,
We've done it a hundred times,
And how we decided which one we loved best?

Remember the time I did your summer reading,
How I was so excited,
and how we told everyone?

Holly Magin,
I guess what I'm saying,
Is I miss the way we used to be!

Hey there, jessie!

First of all, I found this very sweet. You did a good job expressing your emotions in this poem.

Nitpicks:

jessie2009 wrote:Holly Magin,
Your funny,
Loving,
Caring,
And pretty!

It's 'you're,' not 'your.' =)

jessie2009 wrote:Remember the time we ate cake batter,

Replace the comma with a question mark at the end.

Overall, this was not bad. You have the potential to become a good poet. All you need is to read more poems, and find a wording style that suits you.

An article, in case you need help: http://www.wikihow.com/Write-a-Poem

Keep writing! I'd like to see more.

Holly Magin seemed like she was a really good cousin. The descriptions and small memories in the poem make the reader want to learn more of the "falling out" between these two so obviously close people. This poem is touching and feels very heart felt. Very good use of descriptions. Only sour note is to change the "look its" to "look ats".....That's the only thing!!! Wonderful poem!!!