A B C...

Please, tell me what you think about this.


A
Wise man once told me,
At about the age of three,
“My dear, in all of life, with all you are about to see,
The best you must ever be!”

But,
So young I was then, you see,
Those words like my bedtime tales to me seemed,
I said to him, “Sing! Sing!! Sing!!!”
As he held me in his hands and gave me a swing.

Careless
I was,
Looking back now, I would say “What a loss.”
For if only, those words, I did not just hear,
But listened and learned how best matters of life to infer.

Days
Turned months and months, years,
And as they went by, I had no fears,
All I ever needed and valued was near,
Hence, I could say those years were quite a fare!

Earlier
than anticipated,
The fair came to an end.
The jolts and bolts of this world we living in began to ascend,
And when all the thinking that came with such commenced,
It all came to me like a hard jab to my rear,
I knew there was a lot I had failed to learn.

Failure,
They say, man cannot do without,
I found a way, that day to let my fury out,
By the door to my dorm, I sang my lungs out,
All those words Daddy said, in my thoughts rang out loud.
“Sing! Sing!! Sing!!!” this time with a pout.

Good thing
It is a Saturday,
I will go home to Papa and be back here Monday,
Now, I am going to have the chance to put an end to these long days,
Cannot wait to show him that I no longer wallow in heartache,
His words afar back, I stretch, all to take.

How
so pleased I feel within!
At long last, bright-glowing his face will be,
Just knowing... somehow, because of him,
I am a better being.

Sup!
First off, The poem's idea was great! But the structure was um not so great. At first glance it looks interesting,what with the ABC form,but it made it difficult to read for me. I was more focused on trying to find the rhythm of the poem rather than the meaning. I had to read each sentence in each stanza at least twice just to get some sort of feel. I would like to say just to rethink the structure. But Please keep writing!


~Lady Kix!xD

This was an interesting format for your poem, and I like how you started each stanza with a consecutive letter of the alphabet; it was quite creative. However, as the reviewer above me already mentioned, the rhythm of the poem could use work. Right now, reading it is a bit awkward, and the poem does not flow well. The easiest way to check that your poem flows is to read it aloud; if you stumble over something, or something doesn't quite sound right, then that means that something is throwing off the rhythm, and you need to fix it.

You also have a number of missing/misspelled words (which is it: "fair" or "fare") in addition to some improper punctuation. I suggest that you proofread this more closely. In addition to this, you have some strange word orders, and this results in some lines that just don't make sense. An easy way to check that your poem makes sense and such is to write it out like normal prose. If it all checks out, then you can put it back into poem form. If, however, there are issues, then you need to fix them before you can put it back into poem format.

Hello there Romeyo
I love the whole arrangement first of all. It is really creative. I quite enjoyed your piece. I found absolutely nothing wrong with it when I was reading it. There was a perfect flow of words I thought. And I have nothing bad to say about it. Good. Keep writing.

Ziggie

first of all, it was really a neat idea to do the abc theme, it brought something new to poetry, although i wouldn't really know if it was new or not, because i am not an avid poetry-reader. it seems to me, though, that the phrases, or "letter segments," if you will, were well connected. the story they told was beautiful to read.