Soul?

This is just a little block I wrote. Its not very good, but totally combines my feelings at the moment, and it makes me feel better to write it. Call it... Literal Therapy

Feeling a feeling.
Only feeling.
This makes you wonder, what is a feeling.
Of your emotion, it takes flight.
We try for love with all optismisable might.
Yet, we hate so strongly with ease,
And love is seen as dirt and sleaze,
This does destroy our minds.
Our inside cogs, our cranks that grinds.
Hate is love. Love is a lie.
Lies, as sharp, do pain us to die.
So we sit, alone, mellowed with sorrow.
As we understand, that there is no tomorrow.
Only ourselves and our 'feelings',
And they float, my soul reeling.
In shreds.
Dead.

Thank You

Hi nova

I liked this poem. It had a good story and image to it. There is a little room for improvement though,

nova wrote:This is just a little block I wrote. Its not very good, but totally combines my feelings at the moment, and it makes me feel better to write it. Call it... Literal Therapy

Feeling a feeling.
Only feeling.
This makes you wonder, what is a feeling.This needs a question mark
Of your emotion, it takes flight.
We try for love with all optismisable might.
Yet, we hate so strongly with ease,
And love is portrayed as dirt and sleaze,I don't think portrayed is the right word here
This does destroy our minds.
Our inside cogs, our cranks that grinds.
Hate is love. Love is a lie. love this line
Lies, as sharp, do pain us to die.
So we sit, alone, mellowed with sorrow.
As we understand, that there is no tomorrow.
Only ourselves and our 'feelings',
And they float, my soul reeling.
In shreds.
Dead.Good ending

Thank You

[quote="nova"]

In conclusion, this is a good piece. I like the idea of these rather volatile and passionate lovers. The flow is solid but gets a bit clunky in parts and some of the words feel out of place. But your mood is created well. Good job.

Hey. Really good poem. I thought it all read well and flowed well. It also made me think about what you were asking. I think it is well written, and the only thing I would say is that 'This does destroy our minds.' doesn't work well in the rhythm sense. It was just shorter then the other lines, and threw me off a little. But other than that, it was great.

Thank you both very much for the reviews.

After looking over my piece (I didnt even edit it before i uploaded it ) You are totally right about the word 'portrayed' is wrong, maybe I should've replaced it for 'seen'

The line 'This does destroy our minds', I meant that to be out of place. I made it shorter so the reader payed their full attention to it, to make it out of place. Im sorry this didn't appeal to you.

Any-who, Thanks for the reviews!~ s

Hate is love. Love is a lie. Oh my cheezus... best line in the existance of man kind. This is the line that will win any bf/gf fight. I like this a lot. Its very deep and emotional, the flow is nice and when you say it aloud. I cried. But im over emotional (dont call me emo! lol) and I love, Feeling a feeling.Only feeling. cause in my opinion love is only a feeling. Keep writing!
~EMALY!

NATHAN Love zee writing duude but you don't have to be soo depressing. Next time we're in the hub for maths or Summet, you WILL write somthing cheery-(full?).

nova wrote: Hate is love. Love is a lie -> OOBER Line <33
Lies, as sharp, do pain us to die. -> It pains you to see a lie die?? -.^ explain please
So we sit, alone, mellowed with sorrow.
As we understand, that there is no tomorrow-> This rhyme is ... SIKK? More like oober but i already said that. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY VOCAB??! I used to be the master.
Only ourselves and our 'feelings', -> The epical quotation marks are awesome! Kudos
And they float, my soul reeling.
In shreds -> DRAMATIC or what?? LOVE IT

OOOBER writing duuude epical but (sorry but i like big buts and i cannot lie D:) smile duudey doo. keeep writing... please?? I know i'm terrible - giggle

- PAGES <33 (Rhiannon encase you forgot d:)

Oh, rhiannon, I would not forget you name,
Even if the apolocalypse came.
I'd still shout it high, into the hills,
As if i didnt, it would be my kill.

So your name, I do have to shout,
as well as all the things your great, about.
So dont you dare say i'd forget you name,
and rhi. I promise not to do the same.

... see what I did there XD
Thanks for the comments rhi (+emaly).
Yes, the whole thing aobut calling a love, a lie, and seeing the lie dead, means the love is dead. Even if the love was a lie, it was still something you felt, and seeing it gone can only make you feel bad, no matter how fake it is

See you after half term, rhi