Moonlight (In the Sky)

***Um, I feel pretty iffy about this poem, and I'd really like some outside opinions. Thanks!


Full moon’s light
Like silver
On my tongue,
Quiet like a voice
Without a song.
In the sky,
The night’s single eye,
One moment there
The next one gone.
~*~
Waning moon
A dying flower
Withers in the shade,
Longing for
Some summer rain.
In the sky,
As I watch it die,
Won’t be here long
For it must fade.
~*~
New moon
Now blinded
In a sightless sky,
Darkness upon those
Still alive.
In the sky,
A sad silent cry,
And single prayer
The moon will revive.

Sad, but pretty.
I liked it.
The rhyme scheme was odd, but I'm not sure if that was a stylistic choice or not.

I like how you described the moon as night's single eye. That was quite poetic and apt.

As Snapes already mentioned, you've got a pretty odd rhyme scheme, here. I actually enjoyed it because it was unusual, but it does need work. Rhyming relies heavily on patterns, and while you have a general pattern for the ends of the lines in each stanza, the lines themselves don't have a set length, which throws off the rhythm. If you arrange it so that each line of a stanza has a certain amount of syllables (currently, the syllable pattern for your first stanza is 3/3/3/6/5/3/6/4/4), then your poem will flow much better, and the rhyme will work better as well.

Overall, this isn't a bad poem, and it's a good start. The punctuation was good overall, though it was off in some places. I suggest you write this out in prose format; it makes checking the punctuation much easier. That aside, all you really need to do is work on reinforcing your rhyme with a pattern to the lines, and the easiest way to do that is come up with a pattern for the syllable counts of each line in each stanza.