Quick English Poem

In my English Class we had to write a poem about the relationships between parents and children. My lady and I came up with this (in about 5 minutes).

Mom!
Dad!
Have you seen my shoes?
No, the other ones!
Well it's just I thought I'd put them-
What?
Okay then!
Well don't shout at me!
I was just asking if you'd seen them!

Not the best poem I've ever written, but nobody else's was like it and I thought it was kinda oddball and unique. Dunno though...

Hi loller65.

This is a good poem. As you said it is unique and oddball and I am impressed that you can write something like this in 5 minutes.There is room for improvement, though.

Firstly, if this is supposed to symbolize the relationship between children and parents, I think it could b a little bit more complex. Simply because this poem shows the sort of day to day workings of parents and children, and were only hearing what there saying but there is so much more under the surface. I would encourage you to show that, possibly with interior monologue or third person or something like that, so it's more than just a conversation.

Secondly, structure. the way you've structured this poem, i believe, is not fully fitting for the subject matter. I admire the fact that you are experimenting with different forms of poetry, and this form does make it stand out from the crowd, but when your dealing with heavier subjects like the relationships between parents and children, this does not really give much insight.

However, in general, this is a good poem. It short, sweet, interesting and thought provocative. This conversation is one I'm sure many people have had with their parents, and it is always great to create something people can relate to.
Also the flow of this poem is good.

Vera winters

Thanks! I'm not much of a poet, but I'll keep that in mind.

Might write more...