Morse Lake

There used to be a hammock
In a great expanse of green lawn
Beyond the house and next to another
Near the edge, the stairs leading down to a dock
Stairs decaying
The same stairs that had always been there
Since I was a child

I lay on the hammock
Letting the net of rope hold my child self
The water beyond is glittering
Hypnotizing my eyes
And I’m wild with awe
This moment perfect in its simplicity

I’m reminded of the house across the lawn
As I lay swinging, cradled
On the edge of history
My history
I do not know this now
For I am young
I have not yet pondered
The end of this

That hammock is gone now
It only exists in these words
And in the sad song of my memories
The imagination of my past
Sitting idly as it always did
On the edge of Morse Lake

That hammock was bulldozed away
Several years ago
In an empty moment of fate
Destroyed by the necessity of time
And the anxiousness of progress

The only evidence of my hammock’s existence
Is two holes deep in the ground
Holes that held my hammock strong
Holes that held me in comfort
When I was young
As I was as a child

I think of my hammock often
As a thing that once was
And that is never to be again
Like the sun of yesterday, May the fifteenth
Or the breath I took
Just now

But me being myself
I don’t let these things disappear
I don’t let them leave my memories
Because I have that power
To hold things as my own
And to keep them forever

I’m existing in a constant summer
On Morse Lake
Celebrating the Fourth of July
Living it up in a hammock
Of long ago

I like how you tied in the feelings of nostalgia to the hammock and the trees. It was a good use of imagery, and it really made those nostalgic feelings concrete.

However, the first stanza, in particular, is a bit confusing, and the lack of punctuation and that the first letter of each line is capitalized don't help alleviate this confusion. I suggest that you add punctuation to this poem; it'll make it much easier to read and understand. There are also a couple of lines that trip up the flow. The best way to catch this is read your poem aloud; if it sounds off or you stumble, then there's something that needs to be fixed.

Overall, it's a pretty good start.

I Love this <3! It showed feeling and image! It does need lots of punctuation though. I agree with kyllorac you need to read this outloud to see how it sounds. Some lines trip things up. One thing though.

I think of my hammock often
As a thing that once was
And that is never to be again
Like the sun of yesterday, May the fifteenth
Or the breath I took
Just now

Why is may 15 important? Later you say the 4th of July and it made me pause wondering about the two diffrent dates. Hope I helped

A. S.

Amazing!

I wrote this on May 16 and I was referring to that day when I spoke of "the sun of yesterday".

I like this poem a lot! The nostalgic feel you put into the memories of the Hammock were really good. However, I am a bit confused about one thing. The poem says "I am still young" eventhough you talk of things that seem to be well in the past. Could explain that to me? I would be grateful,

Skutter11, worst reviewee ever