Why My Heart Beats

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MissGamer8
Gender Female
Points 1557
Reviews 13
Sun May 16, 2010 10:34 am
MissGamer8 says... · Sun May 16, 2010 10:34 am
Why My Heart Beats
by: MissGamer8

Sometimes it's difficult to get through the day
With all life's ups and downs
But I know when I get home
You'll be waiting there, oh so patiently
And no matter how I've felt throughout the day
It'll all go away, when I hear your voice_

(Chorus)
I think I might be in love with you
Because you're the reason why my heart beats
And why I'm never blue
You'll never get my feelings for you
Cuz even though we talk, I've never told you
Just how much, I really love you

It's funny, how great things get
By just seeing your name
It's fabulous when I hear you laugh
And hear your loving voice
And I might have never told you
Although I hope you already know_

(Chorus)
I think I might be in love with you
Because you're the reason why my heart beats
And why I'm never blue
You'll never get my feelings for you
Cuz even though we talk, I've never told you
Just how much, I really love you

Now can't you see why I can't wait to get home
It's not for bed, clothes, or food
The only reason I come home
Is because of you

(Chorus)
I think I might be in love with you
Because you're the reason why my heart beats
And why I'm never blue
You'll never get my feelings for you
Cuz even though we talk, I've never told you
Just how much, I really love you

Oh, because you're the reason why my heart beats
And why I'm never blue_
Last edited by MissGamer8 on Thu May 20, 2010 10:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Every time you smile, I smile
And every time you shine, Ill shine for you
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EliteHusky
Gender Male
Points 5238
Reviews 174
Sun May 16, 2010 1:43 pm
EliteHusky says... · Sun May 16, 2010 1:43 pm
This would be a good country music song. I categorized in country music largely because of the nature of the lyrics, and how they revolved around love, almost like some of the songs Taylor Swift writes. I cannot find a fault in the lyrics, save perhaps the chorus is a bit long, but considering the size of the entire piece that really is not an issue. This would make a pretty good country music video.

*Note despite the 'bad press' the genre of country music has received I have used it as a compliment. Keep up the good work and I look forward to future pieces.

Sincerely,
-Elitehusky
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Kale
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Points 72525
Reviews 1220
Sun May 16, 2010 11:35 pm
Kale says... · Sun May 16, 2010 11:35 pm
The first thing that caught my eye was the lack of punctuation. This is not a good thing. Right now, without most of the punctuation, it's difficult to read and understand. Another thing you need to work on is consistency. Right now, chorus aside, the lyrics don't follow any apparent pattern. Do they rhyme, or don't they? Are there five lines per verse, or six? I don't know because it changed throughout the song. It may work with music, but right now, it's hard to tell what is going on.
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
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thehobbitgangster
Gender Female
Points 8033
Reviews 71
Mon May 17, 2010 1:06 am
thehobbitgangster says... · Mon May 17, 2010 1:06 am
I agree that this would be much easier to critique for you if you show where the verses begin/end. When I first read through I just thought the chorus was gigantic. Anyways, some things I noticed was that there was no particular rhyme scheme or if it does, it is only because it is a repeated word. I think the ends of the lines should very more, not just be a repetition of "you" or "home". Also some lines stick out a little bit longer than others, and it might throw off the rhythm of a song, but if you write the music right it could work. Finally, I agree with Elitehusky in that it would be a decent country acoustic/pop song. There is potential. :)
A man can change his stars.
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Just because I'm losing, doesn't mean I'm lost ~ Lost! by Coldplay
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MissGamer8
Gender Female
Points 1557
Reviews 13
Thu May 20, 2010 10:41 pm
MissGamer8 says... · Thu May 20, 2010 10:41 pm
yea, I might have to edit it, I didn't notice when I posted it that it's didn't separate the verses. It's not my best work. My other lyrics; The Perfect Kiss In This Fantasy is so much better than this one. And I did write this without a rhyme but it flow finely in my mind...
Every time you smile, I smile
And every time you shine, Ill shine for you
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