Swirling Down This Lane

Driving down the road
Forever
Can't wait until I get somewhere

Yellow lines on gray gravel
Is all I ever see
Just me and me

In the rusty old machine
Sometimes I sing
Sometimes I cry

Hoping to see
something more interesting
Than this same old
Plain old
Swirling down the lane old
Road.

Hi there! I'm your reviewer today

Firstly, I'm confused about your use of the word 'lain', did you mean 'lane', as in a country lane, or 'lain' as in, to lie down? When I first read the title I thought it was either some sort of pun or a spelling error and assumed by reading the piece it would be explained... but it wasn't.

Maybe I missed out on something, but I'm still confused, so maybe you should either change it to the correct spelling or make it more clear as to what you meant? Sorry to be so harsh, but that's my opinion

I also didn't understand the line: 'Just me and me'. I think maybe you're working to fit the rhyme scheme. If that's the case then I would try to avoid doing that, as it's not working right there.

This stanza needs a lot more explanation:

In the rusty old machine
Sometimes I sing
Sometimes I cry

It doesn't seem to link to anything else in the poem, so I would either remove it, or elaborate (I suggest elaborating so the poem isn't too short).

I really like the ending with the repetition of the word 'old' and the rhythm was great! Don't change a thing! (Except maybe the spelling of lain...)

I think the poem is good and you have some really outstanding lines in there, but you do need to work on it a bit through possibly the spelling, by not working to the rhyme scheme and by explaining a lot more. It's a nice poem, and as I said the ending is great, but I felt that it was a little pointless. It's be nice to have some more explanation as to the who the narrator in the poem is, who are the speaking to? Where are they going, where are they leaving and why?

Expand a bit more and it'll be great

Hey there! Reddy here for a review!

This is a great poem, I must say. It seems quite well thought out, and the subject matter is very interesting. Your rhythm is good as well, and I am afraid that I don't have much more to say. Your prose is wonderful, and I all around enjoyed reading it.

Keep writing! I would love to read more!


~Reddy

This is a nice poem, it has a certain simplicity to it. I think you should use some punctuation, though, and "then" should be "than" in the last stanza. Other than that, I think that overall the message was straightforward and easy to understand, and this was pretty good.

:] nice...I like this.
keep it up!
:]