The Ascension Part Three

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-Chapter Three-
The night was a gentle one by any man’s standards. The waning sliver of the moon illuminated clouds floating on a ghost of a wind. It was this wind that rustled Aviv’s hair and tunic and raised his spirits to a level he enjoyed rarely. Nights were, in Aviv’s not so humble opinion, the best time to sail the Sea. It offered unparalleled freedom in a realm Aviv enjoyed more than any other; most other men seemed to be afraid of nighttime sailing.
Aviv’s meditation was interrupted by an unusual sight: another vessel on these otherwise empty waters. Like the Young Delaine, the sails were rolled up and the vessel was moving at a respectable rate. This puzzled Aviv, for how else would they be moving at this rate without sails? Unless they somehow copied his invention! The idea horrified Aviv. As the vessel grew closer, Aviv saw an answer to his questions. A team of rowers, maybe fifty strong, were working oars to make windless travel possible. This struck Aviv as an oddity, for the practice of using oarsmen was widely discontinued after the sail had proven its value. They could be eccentrics like me, Aviv thought, but where I move forward they go back.
And then, as the new vessel grew even closer, Aviv realized with no small feeling of horror that there was an insignia painted on the hull, one every man, woman and child who ever sailed the Sea knew and dreaded:

[insert uncopyable insignie HERE]


The Lost Cross was painted in shining ink on the hull of the approaching vessel. That symbol could mean only one thing. There were Abstainers on that vessel, and they were after him. Northern Partner Island was in the direction the Abstainers were coming from, and to turn around would use up precious time, time the Abstainers could use to capture Aviv. Abstainers were an old minority who belied that Teacher Jesus was not the son of God, but a devil from Hell sent to convert humanity to the ways of Satan. They believed that any Pupil of Teacher Jesus was evil and must be killed. Aviv was a proud Pupil, and the crucifix tattoo on his arm would tell that to anyone. For a moment Aviv thought that he was doomed.
Just as the individual people on the Abstainer vessel became clearly visible, Aviv remembered the untested feature of his Water Engine. The oven he was currently using was using was not the only one that was connected to the propeller. If the second oven was lighted and contributed more steam, maybe the Young Delaine could go fast enough to outrun the Abstainer vessel. Before he could finish formulating his plan, Aviv was already below the desk, lighting the secondary oven. More steam, thought Aviv, I need more speed!
It would take a minute before the second oven could add speed to the Young Delaine, and Aviv did not know if he had that long. But a minute, it seemed, was too late, for just as Aviv was going to climb back up to the deck a telltale bump could be heard above. The Abstainers had set up a plank and were boarding. One by one, pairs of new feet could be heard on the deck, and voices, too.
“There oughta be a crew somewheres onboard, Capt’n. We’ll find the Christian scum, rest you easy, sir.”
“Why be a chimney on this vessel, I wonder?”
“Maybe they got cold?”
“It’s seven-month, you dolt.”
Aviv was trying to count how many Abstainers were on the Aviv was trying to count how many Abstainers were on the Young Delaine, but the bickering voices made that a difficult task. There must have been half a dozen by his reckoning, and that was five more than Aviv was willing to fight off. Wait, thought Aviv, didn’t one of them mention a Captain?
Quickly, a plan for escape was forming itself in Aviv’s agile mind. It was a Seawide rule of Captains to except any direct challenge from another Captain, no matter what the circumstances. The trick was that any Abstainer who saw him would kill him on sight, so Aviv needed to find the Captain before anyone found him.
Crawling on all fours, Aviv made his way to the one unused chimney in the middle of the Young Delaine. There was no soot to endanger his climb, and the chimney was plenty wide to allow Aviv to escape. Complimenting his good fortune, Aviv began to scale the inside of the chimney.
As Aviv reached the night air, he grew cautious. If someone was to see him, all would be lost. Timidly peeking over the edge, Aviv could see a party of ten men looking for him and his assumed crew. They all were dressed meagerly, though, so none of them could be a Captain.
“Ha! You there, rat! Come out of your hole and die like a man!”




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Hi! I'm Earthfire, and I'll be your reviewer today. There are only a few things that I would like to point out:
The night was a gentle one by any man’s standards. The waning sliver of the moon illuminated clouds floating on a ghost of a wind. It was this wind that rustled Aviv’s hair and tunic and raised his spirits to a level he enjoyed rarely. Nights were, in Aviv’s not so humble opinion, the best time to sail the Sea. It offered unparalleled freedom in a realm Aviv enjoyed more than any other; most other men seemed to be afraid of nighttime sailing.

You've said "Aviv" three times in the paragraph, and it doesn't really seem to flow. Change one or two of them to "he" or "his". The same goes for the rest of this. Remember to use pronouns. :smt001
This puzzled Aviv, for how else would they be moving at this rate without sails? Unless they somehow copied his invention!

I think that this sentence would flow more if it were one sentence. The second sentence is just a little awkward.
Aviv was trying to count how many Abstainers were on the Aviv was trying to count how many Abstainers were on the Young Delaine, but the bickering voices made that a difficult task.

This part doesn't really make sense, but I think it is just a typo.
Also, just remember that the name of a ship is put into italics.
Great job, and keep writing!




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Hello! I reviewed Part Two, as you can remember. =]

The waning sliver of the moon illuminated clouds floating on a ghost of a wind.

I really like this sentence as it left a huge impression on me. It made me think of little clouds drifting in the sky at night, next to the pale moon. :D

They could be eccentrics like me, Aviv thought, but where I move forward they go back.

I got a bit confused here, so can you please rewrite it?

Just as the individual people on the Abstainer vessel became clearly visible, Aviv remembered the untested feature of his Water Engine.

"Cleary visble" seems a little bit awkward to me. Hmm...

Anyways, the cliffhanger is making me really nervous right now! Keep up the good work! :D

-Rosie =]
you'll never find another sweet little girl with sequined sea foam eyes
ocean lapping voice, smile coy as the brightest quiet span of sky
and you're all alone again tonight; not again, not again, not again.
and don't it feel alright, and don't it feel so nice? lovely.





Journeys end in lovers' meeting.
— William Shakespeare