What I Now Am

This is something I literally wrote in 2 minutes, because I was bored. Please don't say that I wasn't descriptive enough, because it is supposed to leave them to your imagination.

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Scrapes, cut, burns and bruise.
This is what my life now is.
All the pain and torment I now have,
comes from what once was love.

I once had hoped,
for what could have been,
you and me together.

But now we shall never,
live together.
No peace.
No harmony.

But why did you leave me?
All alone,
trapped in my own delusions?

If you had stayed,
not run away,
we could be happy,
I could be free.

But now I live forever,
in my own pain and torment,
because you ran away to the cloud filled heavens.

For a two minute poem this is great. I'm not gonna give a thero reveiw but I did notice in stanza four you forgot to capitilize "all"

Scrapes, cut, burns and buries.

What's a buries?

My brutally honest opinion is that this is standard teenage wangst fare. It's not interesting to read, it doesn't present any unique views on anything, and you didn't care about it enough to spend the time to make this poem poetic; basically, it wasn't worth posting up for review. Next time, I suggest spending more than two minutes on a poem you plan to post publicly.

This poem made me sad. Especially at the end when it says "because you ran away to the cloud filled heavens." I like how you didn't say because you died and went to heaven, that would have been to bland. I like how you don't give away that the person was dead in the begging it was a nice surprise! Good Poem! PM me if you need another review! Keep Writing!

-KAH

Hi kingolions

Nice poem. I'd like to congratulate you on your flow. It's very good and solid and one of the strengths in this poem.

The mood of this poem is quite dark and moody and you get that along quite well. I would urge you though to use more metaphors because it would give some more imagery to this poem

In conclusion, this is a good poem with some great ideas in it.

well done.

verawinters

Its vary good for a 2 minutes poem!

Love it

hey this was really good and had nice flow and rhythm

Scrapes, cut, burns and bruise.

it goes plural, single, plural, single, and i don't really like it. i think it would be better all plurals, but that's just my opion. to me switching between the two is jarring.

All the pain and torment i now have,

capitalize the i

But why did you leave?
All alone,
trapped in my own delusions?

the first line of this stanza feels like it should say "But why did you leave me?" because it carries on to say all alone, trapped in my own delusions?
overall, great poem! especially for one written in such a short amount of time

you have really given me new ideas for more poems so i thank you!