Howard Stevens (A LOST SOUL)

There was this kid, Howard Stevens, he was proud and always pleasing
Never frowning, always greeting, but surrounding him were secrets
Always pondering, but never speaking, bottling up all his feelings
Silent when he's sleeping, but there's violence when he's dreaming

He's silent when he's thinking, but so violent when he's screaming
Til he's wallowing and weeping, hear the sorrow when he's speaking
The wrong crowd started preaching, he started following instead of leading
Now he's got a problem, but can't honestly agree with it

His mom believes he's sleeping, but he's sneaking out and leaving
And he's wandering the streets and always borrowing and stealing
Every part of him's deceiving, he's a coward, always greedy
Acting sour and so needy, and tomorrow he'll be needing
All his dollars, to keep seeing, any drug he feels like seeking
And if not, he'll even sneak some of the pills his mom was keeping
And start swallowing and eating them and popping them and feeding him
Probably for healing, gotta block away the feelings

His heartbeat is increasingly speeding, the drug's seeping in
And his high starts peaking, he's completely filled with ease
He's powerful and peace is delivering and releasing
Soon he's cloudy, and he's heating, then he's shivering and freezing,

He's coming down and he feels it, he's grouchy and still tweaking
Feeling lousy and defeated, weak, drowsy and beaten
Cracks a bottle, starts drinking, gets rowdy and starts steaming
As his demons start creeping, squeezing out and unleashing
Screeching at him from underneath to the ceiling, freaking him
He can feel the reaper creaking round the corner, reaching for him
Like a leach he's trying to reel his soul and he can feel it deep in him

His whole being is diseased, he can't compete with this evil
Repeatedly beating him and leaving his world towering beneath him
Reading a bible asking God to please bring him to freedom
Seeking for meaning and reason, death is the relieving he needs
As the bleeding leaks out with his demons and he ceases breathing

Hi Tragic! Welcome to YWS, I see you are a new member. I can't really say we newbys have to stick together, cause-well-I ain't a new player but hey, no one ever said that we newbys and oldies can't stick together!

What I would first comment on in the general appearance. Looks some what clumped if you ask me. You should place spaces through the text to make it stand out a 'lil more and not look so tiresome to read.

The imagery is something I really love in this poem. You really placed an intricate picture within my head as I read this text. Greatest job on that ever! Your word use was very well done and yes-really good!

On an overall, I'd have to say this is a very good poem. I couldn't find any problems with this, but the overall appearance could be improved! In light facts; this is a great start to YWS!

Hello there, and welcome to YWS. You might want to review other users' works since it will not only get you the points you need to post new threads but also get you more reviews.

As far as your poem goes, you have a definite rhythm to it that I could feel even while I was listening to music. Great work! There are a couple of places which could use a bit of work to make them flow better, however. For example, the lines "The wrong crowd started preaching, he started following instead of leading / Now he's got a problem, but can't honestly agree with it" have completely different syllable counts and pattern of emphasis, which gives them a completely different rhythm than all the lines before them. Also, the rhyme pattern is also thrown off by the last line.

Another thing you should probably work on is punctuation. Poetry is generally punctuated the same as prose and follows all the same capitalization and punctuation guidelines. Your punctuation is a bit on the sparse to nonexistent side, though it isn't as huge a deal since the rhythm of the poem is so strong. Punctuation, however, would make the rhythm even stronger, I feel.

Thank you for your replies, and advice. Much appreciated