Young Writers Society

I wrote this while i sat at my favirote place, the foot of an oak tree beside the pond. I havent really edited it much but I like it anyways. My class was on a field trip so it wasn't exactly perfect.



I'm finnally alone at last.
It's taken me all day.
To get to the spot where I belong,
the place I long to stay.

The water ripples perfectly.
The turtle heads bob up.
The duck floats gracefully,
nipping at a cup.

Music from behind me,
along with muffled shouts.
They can't see the beauty,
even I have my douts.

From the tree in which I sit,
a leaf falls to the lake.
And people climb the waterfall,
I do hope for their sake.

Birds soar through the air.
They cut it like a knife.
How lucky they are,
to have purpose in this life.

I hear footsteps behind,
none of which for me.
I know where I belong.
Here aginst my tree.

Wow. That is like the ultimate 'my kind' of poem. I loved it! All the description and the feeling, you can totally picture the whole scene!

Nitpick: "even I have my douts" I believe you meant 'doubts' ^_^.

Also, I loved how you ended it, that whole paragraph is absolutely impossible to perfect, 'cause it already is.

Keep writing- I'd love to read more.

~Mel

This is a decent poem, the only thing is that it's nothing...well, nothing remarkable. It just doesn't stand out amid the hundreds of others around here. The rhyme scheme's uninteresting, and to be honest I just don't feel enough emotion and thought was captured through it. You do a lot of seeing; do some more thinking and feeling. Let us know how everything makes you feel, give this poem purpose. There was one part I liked, though--

How lucky they are,
to have purpose in this life.

I felt like maybe you began to touch down on something here. You're talking about purpose, how you wish you had one. Interesting. I think you just need to give this poem reason. Still, it's a pretty nice poem.

I'm finally alone at last.
It's taken me all day.

They can't see the beauty,
even I have my doubts.

And people climb the waterfall,
I do hope for their sake.

Hope what for their sake?

Overall this poem didn't really stand out to me, it wasn't horrible, but it wasn't terribly great either. The rhyme feels a little too forced and it's just a little bland. I suggest that you try free form poetry, it doesn't limit you as much as rhyming does.

Good luck and keep writing!

~Hope