Étrange

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Étrange

The water from the tap is black, I sink in and I’m silent.

The ripples are empty and echo.

I have a feeling that the soap is washing nothing away.

That I am a message in a bottle, and my words are scattered and blotched like sea-spray

I have a cold. Rhûme.

It’s a thing of bilinguality.

I can think my thoughts in french and english and molecular structure

I wonder if somebody assembled me to be me,

Or if they didn’t know who I would be until I was somebody else

I know

Somebody picked at the pieces of my soul with dollar store tweezers

To painstakingly assemble each piece of coming apart at the seams girl soul

And make it into a two-month rainy Sunday afternoon project

Where I became a enclosed masterpiece

Assembled in a bottle

Alone on a dusty shelf of an old man’s basement

A relic, not to be touched or played with

Such things are frivolous and strange. Étrange.

Dying after fifty years of useless preservation

And dreaming of Calcun

Because

The greatest book he ever read

Was Empty.
Words are spilling out like endless rain into a paper cup, they slither while they pass. They slip away across the universe... Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting thorough my open mind possessing and caressing me..




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O.o Long for me. Good job though. I like your descriptions. I especially liked these lines:

ConvolutedEmpty wrote:Étrange
I have a feeling that the soap is washing nothing away.

That I am a message in a bottle, and my words are scattered and blotched like sea-spray


Awesome. :D
@(^_^)@
Got YWS?




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Wow. This was absolutely amazing. You have wonderfully atmospheric writing; I can see everything unfolding before my eyes and in my mind as if your thoughts were my very own. Great job.

(A SEMI-RELATED NOTE: Are you familiar with Ani DiFranco? She's sort of a grassroots alternative folk artist, and your work reminds me of her, probably because her songs are full of atmosphere and thoughts as well. She's worth checking out, methinks.)

Overall, I really liked this, especially the little bits of French mixed in. (You did this in another poem as well, no?) I'm sorry that I can't really find anything to critique here, but it seems extremely well written and virtually flawless! ^.^
"A poet in love is best encouraged in both capacities or neither." ~ Jane Austen, Emma.



The poetry of the earth is never dead.
— John Keats