My Heart

My heart, my my dying heart.
Once a center for happiness,
once flowing with good
Now only a shell of what it once was.

Torn was this heart from my chest.
In rage she destroyed what we built.
In anger she dragged my love to the darkest
depths of the abyss.

She is the cause of my pain,
of my rage.
She was everything
My world,
but she betrayed everything I was.

Now all that is left of this heart is an empty vessel.
One who's love has been bled dry.

My heart is nothing,
and now all I am is a beast,
an animal.
A forsaken soul cursed to walk this Earth.

Hi there!

So, this is a good poem. It's sad that this poem's theme is probably the most commonly-used theme for poems, but what're you going to do, eh?

What I really liked about this is that you kept with the metaphor. You never branched into "she broke me, she ruined my life." No, it was always she broke my heart. When you make a poem about an extended metaphor, you have to keep the metaphor through the entire poem, so thank goodness you did that!

What I don't like is the third stanza. It doesn't fit all too well. You went and talked about how she broke your heart, and then you talk about how she causes you rage. It's along the same central theme of a broken heart, but I would seriously consider changing it. It just doesn't flow to me. It doesn't match the sorrowful tone of the poem or anything.

Keep writing,

Classy.

i absullutly love this poem its so emotional

Okay I didn't actually mind it too much for it being a "oh they broke my heart" poem.
Not at all the most original poem ever, but if you do it right, then it works out fine. This one wasn't too bad. Most of the people who right these poems are teenage girls, and it usually turns into a whole big thing on how they were the one, and then go into a big long thing about the other girl. You didn't do that, in fact you never reveal why she broke your heart, and I really like that. I think this is definitely one of the better of this type of poem that I've read. So congratulations.

thanks. i dug this out of my folder. i wrote it about 3 months ago for no particular reason...so there ya go ill fix it sooner or later.