Love, Demise and Last Goodbyes ~ Her

Lalaland · 2010-04-29T18:38:43Z

I wasn't planning on writing a second part to this, but a few people asked me to so... here it is! It's quite a lot shorter than the first part. I've got to be honest, I don't really like it... :oops: Any suggestions? This would make a lot more sense if you read the first part of this! Love, Demise and Last Goodbyes ~ Him Love, Demise and Last Goodbyes ~ Her I don’t have feelings anymore; they hurt too much. I simply watch the world pass by as though I’m living in an alternative reality. It's too hard to live without him. I open my eyes and stare into the dirty mirror in front of me. I don’t want to think about it, about him. Everyone told me that he was going to be all right. That’s why I don’t trust people; they lie. The doctors said that there would be a chance, but I didn’t believe them and I was right in not doing so. He may be breathing but he’s not alive, not like he used to be. He’s just lying lifelessly, his formally tanned skin has turned pale and his soft hair looks flat; dead. I may not be able to look into his deep blue eyes anymore or feel his warm breath on my neck, but at least I can see him. He’s all that I have now, I can’t let him go. You have to make the best out of what you have, after all. As I continue to stare into the mirror, my ears listen to the soft music circling in the bathroom. I’m not sure where the speakers are but I want them to stop playing that horrible, relaxing music. It feels as though it’s mocking me. Forcing the music out of my head, I reach into the pocket of my worn out jeans. I pull out a folded piece of paper and my eyes begin to scan it. I have to keep reading it over and over. That way, I can feel close to him. The writing’s messy but that’s what I love about it. It’s his writing, it’s perfect. Symone, I can’t do this to you anymore, I can’t hurt you any more than I already have. You are the most amazing, beautiful person I have ever met. Your eyes tell a million stories and your smile reveals a thousand truths. That’s why I’ve got to go. I don’t deserve you, you deserve so much better than a useless idiot. I know that I’ll hurt you and I hate myself for that, but this is the best way to hurt you; the easiest. I’ll never be able to hurt you again after this, that’s all that matters. You just have to promise me one thing. Promise me that every time you see the rain, you’ll remember me. You’ll remember how I hurt you, how I made your own parents hate you. You’ll find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, I know you will. Don’t ever change. A small, crystal tear falls down my face. I knew he was ill, I’d known for a while. I should have done something, I should have helped him. I was just too busy denying it. The paper still held tightly in my hand, I leave the bathroom in a hurry. I wanted to see him again, I needed to see him again. I walk through the hospital wards, ignoring everyone and everything around me. Some people are staring at my bloodshot eyes, but I just ignore them. It feels like hours have passed but I’m finally in the room. I sit down on a chair beside him and simply stare. I remember how he lay in my arms, dying. I remember how I screamed, how no one came, how no one cared. When the ambulance came; that’s when I found the letter. It was stuffed untidily into his left jeans pocket, and now it’s in mine. I run my hand softly along his jaw line, feeling it’s perfect shape. I concentrate on his eyes that are gently shut, wishing that they would open. Wishing that I could see his deep blue eyes one more time. I lean forward and brush my lips against his, dreaming that he would kiss them back; but he can’t. Forcing a tear not to fall, I carefully stroke his ash blonde hair. As I sit there, I try to ignore my senses. I try to ignore the horrible smell of bleach and disinfectant and the sound of a beeping machine. I try to ignore the nameless faces that pass by the door every few minutes. I try and fail. I can’t ignore my feelings anymore, I can’t hide from them anymore. Ignoring my feelings means ignoring him; ignoring my love for him. The doctors say that he might make it, but I know that they’re just telling me this to make me feel better. They want to switch off the machines, they want to let him die. All they care about is having a spare room, a spare bed for someone they think will live. That doesn’t matter though because I know that he’ll live. It might take days, it might take years but I know that he’ll live. I know this because it’s the simple things that make a difference. That was how we met; simply. We didn’t meet in a fancy way. We didn’t meet in a school dance or anything, we met in a park in the middle of Winter. He was sitting on a wooden park bench; our bench. I was dressed in a baggy hoodie while he wore an old t-shirt. Simple things are what’s important. A smile, for example. All it took was a smile. One simple glance in my direction, one simple feeling at the pit of my stomach. I knew he would die for me, the only one who would ever truly care about me. He was amazing, he was all mine; he still is. All that I need now is a miracle and you know what they say; love conquers all. Thanks in advance for any reviews!

Super Speed and I'm here!

I won't go over this with nitpicks. There wasn't anything terribly significant although you did capitalize 'winter' again!

I definitely did enjoy this part more than the first and after comparing both pieces, I think I understand why. There is a lot of description of emotion in the first part. Like, a lot. In this one, there isn't so much which makes it seem lighter.

The only thing I'm not so fond of is the note. The fact that there's a note is okay, but a hint of mystery is good. Not giving the exact note, just telling us of its existence, would have likely had just as much impact, but that's just me.

Something else I wondered about is, what kind of pill did this kid get his hands on. I mean, is there even such a thing. That's just something to watch out for when looking at aspects of realism.

Again again, when you're talking about how people are feeling, don't tell us, show us in the way that they move and act. Telling just isn't as impressive as showing.

I hope my review was of some use. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to PM me.

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