Recollections (Prologue) Rewritten

Okay, so this novel I am writing used to switch from POVs. Now its just first person from the MC. I am rewriting and this is what I have so far, please tell me what you think!

Prologue

I opened my eyes and sat up, a blinding white greeting my swollen eyes. White walls surrounded me, and I was dawned in a white hospital gown, along with being engulfed in white sheets. I looked down at my shaking hands, the beeping of the heart monitor growing faint as my gaze ran up and down my arms. I squinted at my arms, taking in the bandages around my arm. What the hell was I doing here? Was there something wrong with me? I should have been home, home in the arms of my parents…wait. Wouldn’t my parents be here with me if I were hurt? What the hell was going on?
“Mom?” I croaked. “Dad?” I looked around, hoping to see my dad’s muscular figure in a chair, or hear my mom applying lipstick and humming in the bathroom to the left of me. Where were they?
Almost on queue, a nurse walked in, a clipboard in her hand. She was writing something down and then quickly glanced up at me, her blue eyes widening and shining with something I recognized as joy.
Kashmere, you’re awake!” she exclaimed, smiling. But I didn’t want a smile, I wanted answers.
“What am I doing here?” I snapped. She looked taken aback, and she paused in her footsteps, playing with a blond stray curl.
“Kashmere, I’ll go get something for you to eat first, then I’ll explain-”
“I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say it will be explained later, but I need answers, now.”
The nurse bit her lip and slowly sighed. She walked towards me and sat on the white bed, careful not to bump me. “Kashmere, do you remember anything that happened…the other night?”
I squinted my eyes, trying to think back. But it was just…blank. I shook my head. “All I remember is…well coming home from boarding school, going out to eat and grabbing a movie from the rental store…”
“That’s it?” she asked, concern written all over her face.
I fully closed my eyes this time. No, that wasn’t it. There was someone, a boy, a boy with a gentle smile and shaggy brown hair. He was about my age, maybe a little bit older. “There was a boy,” I finally said, releasing the description. “But, I don’t remember where I exactly saw it, its all just a blur.”
The medical woman nodded, her tongue in her cheek. “Kashmere, you’re parents…were murdered two nights ago. But you, were some how magically spared.”
I could feel my eyes widen, and tears prick my eyelids. My heart was drumming, my chest was closing in on my organs, my breathing was ragged. She was lying, my parents weren’t dead! They were at home, still alive. Dad was making French Toast and sausage while mom was squeezing orange juice from fresh oranges. We would go boating in Lake Tahoe. My dad would drive across the crystal clear water while my mom laid out on the white creaky dock, and I would be in the water, wakeboarding to my heart’s content. They weren’t dead, they just couldn’t be.
“You’re lying,” I muttered. “They’re okay! They’re still alive! I can feel it!” Tears rolled down my cheeks in what felt like liters, it was impossible. It was just a dream, it was just a dream. It had to be…just a dream.

So, I clicked on this because I recognized the title. Recollections, I thought. Didn't I read something titled like this? So I read the story, and nearly jumped out of my seat in joy.
YES! YES! Y-E-S!

I remember reading this and thinking, It's okay, but not too exciting. But now . . . it's fantastic! I'm seriously grinning. *claps*

Just a few grammar mistakes I must point out. ^^

“Kashmere, you’re parents…were murdered two nights ago. But you, were some how magically spared.”

Your**

Dad was making French Toast and sausage while mom was squeezing orange juice from fresh oranges.

'French toast' shouldn't be capitalized.

Kashmere, you’re awake!” she exclaimed, smiling. But I didn’t want a smile, I wanted answers.

There should be quotation marks before 'Kashmere.'

Everything else looks fine. I only don't like how the nurse let in so quickly. Perhaps argue with her a while longer or wait anxiously and angrily until she comes back with the food?


GOOD JOB! :} Come to my reviewing shack by clicking 'Reviews' at the bottom of my signature or PM me if you ever need anything reviewed.

Love & Blessings,
Aushy

Hello Forestqueen, I'll be reviewing this for you today. I like your avatar by the way, very cute. I love LOTR.

I didn't notice any major spelling or grammar errors, so I'm not going to go any over any of that stuff. I like the story idea you have here, but is the prologue really necessary? Prologues are usually meant to give us information absolutely necessary to understanding the story before we actually begin chapter one. So, if you can replace the word "Prologue" with "Chapter One" and have the story run just as smoothly, then, it isn't necessary. A great idea for a prologue, if you absolutely need one, would be to describe the murder and what happened and then have her wake up in the hospital not knowing anything.

Nice job, otherwise, and good luck!

Embee.

Hey Forestqueen.

She was lying, my parents weren’t dead! They were at home, still alive. Dad was making French Toast and sausage while mom was squeezing orange juice from fresh oranges. We would go boating in Lake Tahoe. My dad would drive across the crystal clear water while my mom laid out on the white creaky dock, and I would be in the water, wakeboarding to my heart’s content. They weren’t dead, they just couldn’t be.

I felt like your MC came to this thought process much too quickly. Usually when one hears news such as this, the very first, initial reaction is just straight up shock. You don't think clearly or rationally; you can't comprehend it. The only thought going through your mind is usually just "What?", along with a rush of heavy, jumbled emotions that you can't quite wrap your brain around. What you have above is a reasonable reaction - but not for right away. What you have would usually come anywhere from a few minutes later to a day later. But, these are just my opinions. Great start!