Old Friend

I woke up, tired. I couldn't remember what I was done yesterday. I went to have breakfast and I saw my mom, in love, what the heck happen to her.
"Mom, why are you so happy?"
"Because yesterday, I met my new man and I know he had a crush on me."She sighed.
"Okay..."
Mom is now officially acting weird. I forgot something I was going to meet my friends.
"Agnes, don't forget, today you're going to your friends to the mall."
ugh, I could forget today.
"Mom, I have to go to my room."
"Okay, go."
I wonder who could be that guy that she was talking about...
We arrived at the mall, my friends were waiting for me.
Aida, Denis and Candace went inside until I felt a breeze. It was cold today or not. I went inside before they start to look for me.
"So, anything special happen to school?"Candace ask
"Nothing special"

We bought and ate and is time to go home. Aida's mom gave me a ride.
"And here we are, Agnes"
"Thanks for the ride."
"No problem"
Mom wasn't outside. That weird. I walk to the front door until I heard a laugh. I quickly open the door and I saw my mom talking with a man.
"Hi Agnes"
I look at her. "Who is he?"
"Oh, he's my friend. David is his name"
"Nice to meet you."David said.
"Me too"
I went up stair and I lock my door. I start to cry and broke a picture of my family. I didn't want picture. I don't want a stepfather. I hate stepfather. I couldn't sleep all night. Mom start to call me. I went down, slowly.
"What?"
"There is someone who wants to see you"
It was mom's old friend, Michelle.
"Hey Agnes. You change! You look so beautiful just like you're mom"
"Thanks. Why are you here? Do you and your husband are suppose to be in New York?"
"Yes, but we move"
"Great!"
"So, how old are you?"
"16."
"Wow, we I better get going. See you later"
Mom met her when she was 5 and mom 4. They didn't see each other when she move to New York when she was 20 and mom 19. Mom was happy to see her again.

Hey Naydy!!! I like the chapter!! It was really nice!! I liked how you put a little bit of a background story. But I did notice somthing that I want to tell you:

I went up stair and I lock my door. I start to cry and broke a picture of my family. I didn't that picture. I don't want a stepfather. I hate stepfather. I couldn't sleep all night. Mom start to call me. I went down, slowly.

Ok the part in bol it confused me a little. Is it suppose to be: I didn't like the picture or I didn't want the picture? I'm pretty sure this was a typo. It's ok we all have them.

Well since I feel lazy today. No nit-picking!! (I know you must be jumping with joy! ) But I really liked the story and I hope you kep writing more!!! Bye!!!!

Luv,
wookielover17

Nitpicks are in bold.

Naydy wrote:I woke up, tired. I couldn't remember what I was doing done yesterday. I went to have breakfast and I saw my mom, in love. what the heck happen to her?
"Mom, why are you so happy?"
"Because yesterday, I met my new man and I knew he has had a crush on me." mom She sight sighed.
"Okay..."
Mom is now officially acting weird. I forgot something I was going to meet my friends.
"Agnes, don't forget, today you're going to your friends to the mall."
ugh, I could forget today.
"Mom, I have to go to my room."
"Okay, go."
I wonder who could be that guy that she was talking about...
We arrived at the mall, my friends were waiting for me.
Aida, Denis and Candace went inside until I felt a breeze. It was cold today or not. I went inside before they start to look for me.
"So, anything special happen to school?"Candace ask
"Nothing special"

We buy bought and ate and is time to go home. Aida's mom give gave me a ride.
"And here we are, Agnes"
"Thanks for the ride."
"No problem"
Mom is not wasn't outside. That weird. I walk to the front door until I heard a laugh. I quickly open the door and I saw my mom talking with a man.
"Hi Agnes"
I look at her. "Who is he?"
"Oh, he's my friend. David is his name."
"Nice to meet you."David said.
"Me too"
I went up stair and I lock my door. I start to cry and broke a picture of my family. I didn't that picture. I don't want a stepfather. I hate stepfather. I couldn't sleep all night. Mom start to call me. I went down, slowly.
"What?"
"There is someone who wants to see you"
It was mom's old friend, Michelle.
"Hey Agnes. You change! You look so beautiful just like you're mom"
"Thanks. Why are you here? Do you and your husband are suppose to be in New York?"
"Yes, but we move"
"Great!"
"So, how old are you?"
"16."
"Wow, we I better get going. See you later"
Mom met her when she was 5 and mom 4. They didn't see each other when she move to New York when she was 20 and mom 19. Mom was happy to see her again.

To be honest I really didn't like this piece. It really didn't stand out to me, it was somewhat bland and barely sustain my attention, but a do see a potential. I wished you added more descriptions to you characters, your tenses were off, your grammar needs some help in a few places and I think you can lengthen it a bit. I'm sorry if you think that I'm being a bit harsh, but I'm only trying to help you.

Hello there, Naydy and welcome to YWS!

First of all and honestly, I didn't like this story. (sorry)
"Curiousvampire" had it already for the corrections. Things that made this story "not-so-nice" was that it was plain and quite uninteresting. You should improve more by developing your characters well and be more descriptive. And as seen, you sometimes shift tenses. (Don't worry, I was like that too. Help yourself to read more and study about Verb tenses.)

That's all.

Keep writing!

Peace out!