Wolf: Chapter 1 Part 2 (warning: some sexual content)

The next morning I woke with a splitting headache. I groaned and sat up, holding my head between my hands. Suddenly, I doubled over and puked the contents of my stomach all over the floor. I wiped my mouth off on my shirt sleeve and stood up.
The room I had rented for the night was small, but comfortable enough. There was a table with a wash basin situated one side, and a single bed I had slept in on the other. I walked over to the basin and pulled a string that lead down to a bell near the bar. Several minutes later there came a knock at my and a female voice said, “Is there anything I can get you milady.
“Could you have someone bring up some water for the wash basin?” I asked.
“Right away.” I heard footsteps walk away from my door. Grabbing my pack from next to the wash basin, I set it on the bed and began pulling out everything I would need: clothes, a brush, and basic cleaning supply. As I was setting my clothes at the end of the bed, someone knocked on my door again.
“The doors unlocked,” I said with out turning around. I heard my door open and the sounds of someone with heavy footsteps walk into the room. “Just pour it into the basin, please.” All of a sudden, I felt the meaty hands of a man grab my neck and throw me down onto the floor. I looked up and came face to face with the bartender, his eyes wild with lust.
Pulling out the knife I kept hidden in my boot, I slashed at him hoping to scare him off, but he easily knocked it away with a wave of his hand. I pushed away with my feet, but my back only came against a wall. He threw me against the bed, leaning me over it. A cry escaped my lips as I felt him pulling down my pants and then, suddenly, everything went dark.

Comments in red.

Lethero wrote:The next morning I woke with a splitting headache. I groaned and sat up, holding my head between my hands. Suddenly, I doubled over and puked the contents of my stomach "Puked the contents of my stomach" isn't working for me. You'd want to tell me what it is instead of using that phrase. :8 all over the floor. I wiped my mouth off on my shirt sleeve and stood up.
The room I had rented for the night was small, but comfortable enough. There was a table with a wash basin situated one side, and a single bed I had slept in on the other. I walked over to the basin and pulled a string that lead down to a bell near the bar. Several minutes later there came a knock at my and a female voice said, “Is there anything I can get you milady?" (And honestly this feels a little stilted.)
“Could you have someone bring up some water for the wash basin?” I asked.
“Right away.” I heard footsteps walk away from my door. Grabbing my pack from next to the wash basin, I set it on the bed and began pulling out everything I would need: clothes, a brush, and basic cleaning supplies (I get the feeling that she should have weapons too. I mean, it's a journey right?). As I was setting my clothes at the end of the bed, someone knocked on my door again.
“The door's unlocked,” I said without turning around. I heard my door open and the sounds of someone with heavy footsteps walk into the room. Mind showing he's heavy? Like the planks creak or something. “Just pour it into the basin, please.” All of a sudden, I felt the meaty hands of a man grab my neck and throw me down onto the floor. I looked up and came face to face with the bartender, his eyes wild with lust.
Pulling out the knife I kept hidden in my boot, I slashed at him, hoping to scare him off, but he easily knocked it away with a wave of his hand. Short sentences help in an action sequence. I pushed away with my feet, but my back only came against a wall. He threw me against the bed, leaning me over it. Leaning me over it? I don't understand. Clarify. A cry escaped my lips as I felt him pulling down my pants and then, suddenly, everything went dark. Not that I'm searching for something explicit but you shouldn't let everything go dark because it's a cop-out.

Final thoughts:

The bartender seems out of the blue. Also, I feel like you can improve on emotion and thoughts, especially towards the end. They seem somewhat lacking there.

I don't feel the fear with your MC towards the end and you might want to amp up the panic factor. I mean, she's about to get raped. That's the worst thing that can happen to a girl. An absolute violation.

Also, this scene better be vital to the novel. As in it better move the plot along or else. Because I get the feeling it doesn't. >>"

Finally, the MC seems weak here. A trained warrior/huntress/whatever-she-is who keeps a knife in her boot ought to be more powerful. She ought to be able to dispose of one man, even if it's somewhat difficult. It doesn't seem to mesh with the whole she carries a knife in her boot part.

Anyway, this is entirely my opinion. PM me if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

Kara

I have to say that Kara's right.

It's way too short to really be a separate post and the action is jerky and seems unimportant even though something that should really get the reader's attention is being narrated. Kara's also majorly right in that getting raped is like having a part ripped from you that you can't ever get back or fill in. It haunts you forever and makes you always look over your shoulder to see if your rapist is still there, waiting for you to drop your guard so he can get you again. Having you MC experience something like that should be important; a huge moment. It shouldn't be written of lightly.

Also she should be able to take care of herself at least a little better than that. She should be fighting, kicking and screaming even if she still loses. She wouldn't just lay there and let herself get violated. What's that knife for? Decoration? She should be able to use it and use it well.

That last line? A complete cop-out.

Make an effort to revise this post so it's as good as the first.