Love Coming

This is an odd poem where I was in a really emotional mood and everything was all poetic so I broke it up and slapped an ending on which isn't very good in my opinion. I hope you enjoy it though!

Love Coming

It’s frustrating yet wonderful
I don’t even know what it is
Just getting flashes…
of images in my mind

Sensual and beautiful and dim…
And it’s wonderful in an odd and confusing way
And frustrating…
did I mention frustrating?!?!

I don’t know what it is
But it comes and…
I reach for it
but then…

it all escapes and disappears
just as your fingers are about to stroke it
wanting it to come closer
and wrap its warm loving arms around you.

You are in a dreamlike state
floating on persistence…
It’s depressing
It tugs at the heart.

I think it’s my subconscious confirming my theory
my sad, sad theory come true
Personal… heartbreaking and joyless
I’m desperate, I’m too desperate!

My life feels so empty and loveless
My heart feels like it’s going to burst and implode simultaneously
It literally aches all the time
Wanting and reaching for it every day

It is so clever
It must be something great
if I want it so badly even when
I don’t even know what it is…

Please stop it from running away from me
Will you please help me?
Can any one be so kind,
as to tell me what this elusive desire is?

Theres something about this- it doesn't seem to convey one direct thought, rather, a series of thoughts that have been put together narratively to try to form one thought.

The flow is also a little off- further suggesting to me assorted thoughts. It doesn't fully convey 'poetry' to me, as much as it, again, is an assortment of different thoughts.

I would suggest taking those thoughts, and making them fit together a little bit more. Change the wording around, to put them together- rhyme and rythm are not dually necesary, but one or the other might be a good idea. It has no beat, whatsoever. It sounds to me like someone is telling, which is not what poetry strives to do. Poetry strives to convey, rather than tell. It should show us emotion, rather than talk about it.

The poem was good, but lacked imagery. Also there wasn't much rhythm.

However, i loved these two parts. They were very effective.

Personal… heartbreaking and joyless
I’m desperate, I’m too desperate!

it all escapes and disappears
just as your fingers are about to stroke it
wanting it to come closer
and wrap its warm loving arms around you.

well, i definitely undestand that you had strong flow of emotions when you wrote this, but usually when we are in our rapture our poetry is not always our best. if it was, this would be a godly world. spoken aloud, this poem is much better. you used a lot of dull and random, jolting phrases and i can farmiliar-ate (is that a word?) with. i understand what you were feeling, but let yourself calm down before you start pouring it all out on the paper, and it will be a whole lot better.
just advice. you don't have to follow it. =]