The Moon And All The Stars

Enjoy!

The Moon And All The Stars

Hiadel
I was looking up at the night’s sky when my lover asked me “Why do you love me?”. Looking back at her I thought about it. We were sitting out on the lawn and admiring all the stars overhead. Grabbing her hand I told her that I loved her because of nights like tonight where I could look up at the moon and all the stars and still think that there was something more beautiful than all of them combined sitting right next to me. She looked at me with those eyes I always admired and smiled.

God I hate being cheesy like that. Sometimes it’s necessary though, and when a man has to be cheesy in order to secure his love, well, so be it. It’s just part of trying to be romantic.

Looking at her as we laid on the lawn I questioned myself again as to why I loved her. Yes, she was beautiful, but what else? I had a hard time putting a finger on it. What made me desire her?

Glancing back at the sky I noticed just how full the moon was tonight. It made my heart seem so full to see a moon as yellow as the one that’s in the sky right now. That’s what I wanted my desire for her to feel like! I wanted it to encompass my entirely and to totally take my breath away. Staring deeper into the moon I could feel it take hold of me. My muscles tinged as I felt the need for something to lust take control. Turning to the woman next to me I saw where I could take all this built up passion. Leaning over across the grass I tilted my head and looked her in the eyes. She looked at me and in an instant her face seemed to go white. Immediately she got up and started to stagger backwards towards the forest that surrounded the lawn.

What seemed to be the matter? Did my lust for her bother her now? Normally she admired how much I told her I desired her and it seemed strange that she chooses a night like tonight to act strange. I got up and started to walk after her, calling her name and asking for her to wait. She didn’t. She continued to walk away from me and started to walk into the nearby forest. Following my newly acquired lust for her I started to run after her. Why did she run from me? I couldn’t understand it. Her running away only made me crave her more. So with more force than I’ve ever been able to recall I went running after her into the woods. I could feel blood pump through my veins as I felt transformed physically and mentally. Oh, how it felt to rediscover a long lost passion! I just can’t seem to understand why she is running away……

I chased her all the way down to a creek deep in the woods. She tried to cross it but I was too quick for her. Not able to control myself I leapt upon her and started to devour her. I could feel my mouth ripping through her clothes and attacking her. With a free hand she dealt a blow to my nose and had me stunned for a few seconds. She backed away from me and started to scream in agony and pointed a blood stained hand in my direction.

What was her problem? Falling to the ground I noticed that my arms had grown stiffer and I was having a harder time controlling my urges. Looking into the creek I saw my reflection and realized what I had become. A werewolf! I had been such a fool to get so close to her on a night like tonight. My arm hair was growing out and I could feel the transformation nearly coming to a close. Looking over to my lover I said with the strongest smile I could muster “I told you I loved you more than the moon!”.

I like how short and to the point this is. You paint the picture very well in my opinion. the only thing is, werewolves and vampires are running out. I kind of see the two as fossil fuel. You can only use it so much before it's just dried up, you know? I like the style, and I'm not saying this isn't original but I think you have the potential to make it much more. I still really enjoyed it

I've never read any of the twilight saga (and I don't plan on reading it in the future.). Can a man honestly write a story involving a werewolf without it being linked to that saga?

Even though there is a werewolf in the story I think that its more about defining how lust can destroy people than the actions of a typical werewolf.

Don't point to things and say they are related to twilght/Harry Potter. It gets on the nerves of some people.

If I were to write a story about cowboys should we all point fingers and say it's to much like John Wayne? All I'm trying to say is that "Hollywood" level literature shouldn't stem the tide of the little man's pieces of work.

Thank you for listening to my rant .

I do appreciate what you said, the whole thing about fossil fuel just bugged me.

I have to agree with Hiadel here. I really liked his example with John Wayne. There are plenty of westerns and I don't think I've ever heard anyone complain about there being too many. If an author choses to put vampires or werewolves in their story, they should be able to do that without saying "Well, maybe I shouldn't because there are too many books about that." All the author must do is find a way to make the story original and appealing to readers, which is what Hiadel did here.

On to other matters, I really enjoyed this. I liked the style and how you conveyed the main character's feelings. You made me feel what he was feeling without it being cliché. Also, I couldn't find any grammatical errors, which is rare, so good job there

Keep writing!
-Brainy

I believe your writing painted a pretty clear picture in my mind and I was looking forward to each sentence. I believe that the Werewolf and Vampire popularity has reached its all time high and many writers may take advantage of this. However, we must consider that this is a phase and every genre goes through this. For example, Star Wars was sort of like the Twilight or Harry Potter of its day and eventually the jedi and spacey themes seemed to fizzle out.
Never the less, have fun with it! You can follow what the readers are interested in. It may help you become popular and well known in the library.

I really enjoyed this. The whole time I was reading this, I could see everything you described in my mind. I also liked how you described all of the emotions that the character was feeling instead of making your character seem like they were trying to hide the emotions from the reader when the character isn't supposed to know that someone is reading their thoughts. If that sentence even made any sense. If it didn't, I apologize. But most of all, I really liked how you went from talking about how much the character loved and desired the girl and then changed it into a werewolf thing. It totally took me by surprise - and I love surprises!