The Problem With Overachievers

I'm the one who's bright,
who's always happy.

I'm the one who's got something to say.

In a classroom full of emptiness-
I sit at the back,
hand straight up,
with an answer.

I'm always ready.

Someone's exemplary is my average.

I strive to be better than normal.

I thirst for a compliment,
for constructive criticism.

But you,
you give me this crap.

This stuff that sucks all of that bright happiness right
out of me,
it blows it all up,
leaves me dry,
but somehow I'm still able to produce these saltwater tears
that burn.

They burn my eyes
to where I can't see the sun,
the thing I thrive on,
they leave my blind from happiness,
I'm left to sit and shrivel in my room,
in a corner with nothing but this screen to fill
with words that burn just like my tears.

I can hear them singe my cheeks.

They drop off the corner of my chin;
they hit the floor.

I strive for excellence.

And sometimes,
being an overachiever leaves you with more pain than playing it safe.
Being an overachiever means burning yourself with saltwater tears,
because you're not accepted.
Because,
really,
all you want
is acceptance.

But it's hard,
when someone's exemplary
is your average.

Firstly, I thought this poem had very vivid imagery. Specifically the bits related to the saltwater tears were very good. My favorite part of the poem was the very last stanza. It had the perfect amount of punch and really summed up the poem. One thing though, is in the title of your piece I believe you may have a typo. Also I don't know if the caps thing in the ninth-ish stanza was entirely necessary. Obviously used for emphasis, the caps were doing what the words could accomplish fine enough by themselves. Other than that it was a good poem.

Cool avvie! I LOVE rabbits - so cute! Anyway...back to the point -

I thought the title was awesome. The long and complicated nature is kind of what made it quirky and enticing - so well done . However, I thought you were too literal at times. It was too...direct, too in-my-face. I would like you to think about an overarching metaphor for the whole thing. Something to keep referring back to, even when describing the strongest of emotions or occurrences. The 'sun burning my eyes' one can be expanded, I think. Instead of sitting ina classroom, and describing it literally, get creative - have the desks as a metaphor for the trees, pretend that the ground slopes down towards the front of the class and that you are looking over the tops of the heads of your classmates. Build on this metaphor - you're climbing with a pack on your back, eating words/leaves, and the sun is right in your eye - is the sun the teacher? Or is it the narrator's ambition?

hey, thanks Navita! I actually meant for this to be a more straightforward piece, as that was my emotion at the time is portrayed. Splayed, not exactly perfect, but very depressed. I didn't want to add a metaphor for the fear that it would mess up the inspiration I had. I love the advice, but I'm not sure how to use it without changing what I did to the poem in the first place.