Reese (I don't know where I'm going with this)

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Points 1146
Reviews 14
Please be brutal, I need all the help I can get. I know it's kind of rambly and awkward at the moment, but I do kind of like it. I'm just not sure where to go from where I left off (which is why it ends kind of abruptly). I'd like to continue with this, but for now, just base your judgements on this bit.
Thanks!
Francesca.

ps, the rating is just because of the 'fuck' in the beginning. :wink:
---
I knew exactly what she was thinking. Get the fuck off my back about it, she’d say if she knew.
I knew she was worried. Scared, even, about what was going to go down. Rhiannon Evans had all the power in the world now. If Blaire even laid a finger on her… Even I was a little worried.
Luke looked like he was about to puke. I smiled at him from across the table, but his big brown eyes just traveled further down, staring at the table.
David shuffled his papers. Alex looked up from her phone. “Reese is coming,” she said. It was what we had all been waiting to here. Luke, of course, could have just texted her himself, but I guess that would have made him feel too clingy.
“We can wait,” said David. “We should wait.”
I wondered if he knew.
---
As if on cue, Reese entered the room. Tall and lean, but slender and pretty, she looked smaller than usual. Her blonde hair cascaded down her back, waving into flattened looking curls, as if she’d been sleeping. Her glasses were perched on her nose; she had contacts, but she didn’t always wear them. Her glasses made her feel safer.
“Hi Reese,” Amelia chirped. Amelia considered herself too mature for high school conflicts such as these, and was doing her best to ignore the situation.
Rhiannon smiled at Amelia as she sat down next to Alex. Cole slid the basket of candy across the table to her; she smirked softly and pulled out a Reeses.
Cole was the dark child of the group: Private school after private school, abusive parents, tortured guitar music, the whole nine yards. No one was really sure why he had taken a liking to quirky, mildly awkward Reese, but they had gotten close over the past few months. She was the only one who knew exactly what to say during those awkward moments after Cole finished telling them that his dreams of being in the Marines had been crushed, or that his mom had made him rake leaves off the roof in the pouring rain.
“Reese!” David bellowed, in his goofy teacher-slash-I’m-really-just-a-big-looking-kid way. Reese smiled shyly. “Good to see you here!”
They all looked at her awkwardly. No one was really sure what to say.
“So,” David stood up from his seat and began passing out the papers that had been sitting in a pile in front of him. “You all want to get into good schools, am I right?”
No one said anything. Everyone assumed that someone else would say something, but no one made the first move. Amelia, of course, was the one who spoke up.
“Of course,” she said, whipping a hand through her short brown hair. “That’s why we’re here.”
“Right you are, Amelia Earhart.” David grinned at his own joke. They smiled dutifully.
“So,” continued David. “What I’m handing out right now is a list of websites that will be of great use to you. Today, we’ll go over the list, then do a short character building exercise, and then you’re free to go,” he paused for emphasis. “But remember, what we do here should continue outside this classroom. All of you want to get into the best schools in the country, and that’s not going to happen if all the preparation you do is done here.” He looked at them expectantly, and they nodded.
Luke looked across the table at Reese. Her head was bent, looking over the sheet. Her long hair fell around her face, the top layer curling softly at her shoulders. Luke had always been fascinated with her hair. It was primarily blonde, but if you looked closely, there were hundreds of different shades mixed in with the yellow. Chestnut, gold, copper, deep brown… the list went on and on. Luke had spent many hours lying with Reese, running his hands through her beautiful hair and watching sunlight bounce off the silky strands.
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.




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Points 49725
Reviews 155
Hello there! Welcome to YWS! Esther Sylvester here for a review!

First off:

I would like to say this is pretty good. I didn't know what was going on, but as long as you explain as SOON as possible that's fine. The writing flows okay, but there are several moments that just made me go, "huh?", or "that's not necessary". I would like to point those out now.
Nit picks:

I knew exactly what she was thinking. Get the fuck off my back about it, she’d say if she knew.


The F word here is totally not needed. It doesn't add to the story, and it isn't needed to prove a point at all. Also, it is an immature way to start a story like this. I suggest to get rid of it.

Tall and lean, but slender and pretty, she looked smaller than usual.


Why does she look smaller than usual? It would help if you explained this. The rest of the description was good, but this didn't make any sense.


“Reese!” David bellowed, in his goofy teacher-slash-I’m-really-just-a-big-looking-kid way


So David is a teacher? I didn't know that. It could have been important to know, however.

Luke had spent many hours lying with Reese, running his hands through her beautiful hair and watching sunlight bounce off the silky strands.


Lovely description here. I think I would have preferred you say "those silky strands", though.

Flow of story

I have no idea what's going on, so I can't really comment here. Just as long as you tell me what is going on later, it is fine. Just make sure to do it soon!

OVERALL

Good job! I liked this. Before you go any further with the story, make sure you know where you are going. If you blab, the reader gets bored. Take time to map out your story on a piece of paper, and understand what the story is before you continue. It seems to me that you have an idea of who the characters are, but you need more than that. You need a plot. Also, leave out any unneeded profanity. (Believe it or not, cursing does not mean you are mature and worldly. Shocker, huh?) Take time to define the characters, too. Make future chapters longer, but don't make them longer than the reader can take. Overall, good job. I hope you post more in the future, and I hope that I helped at all.

Esther Sylvester :D
It's writing prompt week on my blog a very random pickle!:
http://veryrandompickle.blogspot.com/



I wouldn't think "impossible" was even in your vocabulary.
— Sharpay Evans, High School Musical