Waddup, Daniel Radcliffe?

Once upon a time there was a girl
And her name was Mary
Once upon a time she fell in love
With a novel boy named Harry

Once upon a Daniel Radcliffe
The girl named Mary aspired
To fulfill a goal, however great
Her little heart desired

To meet this boy, it would be fun
Although she was not sure
If meeting him was possible
And if it could ever happen to her

Mary waited all the while
In her little home
Waiting to meet the big Dan Rad
So she would never feel alone

It’s odd to think how young she was
When she first saw his precious face
And now it’s been too long to tell
If he could ever be replaced

Some people think her desire’s strange
To meet the actor lad
But Mary knows that within her heart
That without him she would be quite sad

So that’s why she tries with all her might
To find the right connections
And because for some odd reason
Daniel has given her life direction

It would just about be the greatest thing
If Daniel Radcliffe she could meet
And if that would be possible
She would have conquered her greatest feat

So here I tell you her fine story
Of her Daniel and her love
And of all her life of dreaming such
The things she sees above

This is a poem that’s meant to say
What is really felt
And if what is felt feels best and sure
Than a lucky card is dealt

I won’t regret a moment thus
Of my time with Daniel spent
But if this time grows through to reality
Then I know I will be more than content

Just to let you know, most people find writing poems about writing poems annoying to read, just like they find hearing a speech about speeches annoying - because they're done so many times. However, I have indeed read some very good poems about poems (and heard good speeches about speeches) and I would add this to that list - if you change the title of this poem. I like how you mention 'poetry' later on in the poem, which reveals that aspect of the poem to us only later on - but I found it really bizarre how you talked about 'this poetry business' as 'disgusting' - to me, this is contradictory, for the simple reason that you (or the narrator) thinks writing poetry is disgusting and does it anyway.

However, I still believe this can work to your advantage because you can poke fun at your own hypocrisy (or the narrator's hypocrisy - you know what I mean), while ACKNOLWEDGING the paradox of poetry. That way, it'll have a more intellectual edge to it as well.

I hope that has helped!

lol thanks

Hmmm...I really liked it! It was interesting to read, the way it told a story.

Hey. I thought this was really good. It had a great rhythm and rhyme to it, and flowed really well. Well, I thought this after I got through the first stanza. I thought that the first stanza was a bit rough and found it a bit hard to get through, but then got straight into it after it. But other than that, it was really good. (And I'm not usually a person who likes happy poems) Good job.

Hey Mary! Thanks for giving me the link to your story, I don't review as often anymore and I love getting requests because I know exactly what I have to review, so thanks.

Alright so it was a very cute poem, simple rhymes, reminds me of my childhood crushes xD. Now I'll show you a few things that I think need a bit of tweaking.

Once upon a Daniel Radcliffe
The girl named Mary aspired
To fulfill a goal, however great
Her little heart desired

Okay this last line doesn't really fit in with the rest of the stanza, it seems like you didn't finish what you were going to say. I mean I can see them being connected, but I think it's just a little out of place.

To meet this boy, it would be fun
Although she was not sure
If meeting him was possible
And if it could ever happen to her

Alright, so "It would be fun" is a pretty boring description, spice it up a little!

Mary waited all the while
In her little home
Waiting to meet the big Dan Rad
So she would never feel alone

Big Dan Rad, this too me is a little strange, maybe try calling him something else?

It’s odd to think how young she was
When she first saw his precious face
And now it’s been too long to tell
If he could ever be replaced

I think I kind of see what you're trying to say here, but it's a bit confusing and really seems like you're only saying it for the rhyme, which really never works out because it feels forced.

This is a poem that’s meant to say
What is really felt
And if what is felt feels best and sure
Than a lucky card is dealt

Okay so really I would just cut this whole stanza out, it doesn't add anything to the poem, and in poetry you never want to explain what the poem's about it kind of takes away from the whole point.

I won’t regret a moment thus
Of my time with Daniel spent
But if this time grows through to reality
Then I know I will be more than content

So try to stay away from forced rhymes, that's my biggest advice for you, good luck and keep writing!!

~Hope